... and Catching Crooks Comes Way Down the List.

A couple from Fort Walton Beach in Florida awoke to find a half-eaten hot-dog in their spare bedroom. Unfortunately, beside the half-eaten snack was the husband's wallet - opened and with the contents spread out around it.

However, this was a Sunday morning and church beckoned so, rather than contact police, the couple cleaned up the mess and went to their truck to make the journey to church. Somebody had beaten them to the truck, however, and the glove compartment was open, with the items it had contained strewn across the seat.

No matter - church beckoned. The man replaced everything in the glove compartment and the couple made their way to church.

The incident report noted the cars and home were both unlocked while the family slept and the husband had slumbered in his recliner by the kitchen, but didn't hear anything.

The half-eaten hot dog came from the couple's own supply, which were in a drawer in the refrigerator.

Somebody will get their reward in heaven, I just can't work out who.

NWF Daily News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 05:18 AM | Permalink

There is no real crime committed in this story - just criminal incompetence, really.

Thirty-five year old salesman, David Mackie, was so excited by Capital One's offer to personalize your plastic with a favorite photo, that he swiftly went online and submitted a card design featuring the iconic shot of actor Nick Nolte looking disheveled.

The bank's email response was just as swift, announcing, "Congratulations! Your image has been approved."

Capital One did eventually realize their error, but not before the card had been mailed to Mackie. On Monday, a bank representative contacted Mackie, requesting the return of his Nolte credit card, because use of a celebrity's image violated the bank's "image upload guidelines."

Given Capital One's obviously lax internal controls, is it any wonder that the world's economy is in the doo-doo's?

The Smoking Gun

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:31 AM | Permalink

A self-employed electrician from Winnipeg recently demonstrated a novel use for socks. During an interview at the police station, James Chrysler stripped off his clothes, covered his embarrassment (or not) with a strategically placed sock and danced in front of police.

It all began when police were called at around 1 a.m. on December 23 to investigate reports of a man driving dangerously up and down the street for an hour, honking his horn. When police arrived, the driver (Chrysler) sped towards a cruiser, then stopped, got out of the car, swayed, and fumbled with his wallet.

He told police, "I was going for a nice walk in the snow," and, when asked to give a breath sample, he refused, saying, "I won't, because I wasn't driving. I was walking on the sidewalk.'"

It was during the subsequent interview that Chrysler demonstrated his innovative way with a sock.

At his court appearance, Chrysler reputedly said, "I don't condone drinking and driving. It's a dangerous act."

He was fined $2,000 and banned from driving for a year.

The Record

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:40 AM | Permalink

Thirty-nine-year-old Brenton Alan Erhardt from Darwin, Australia, has pleaded guilty to dangerous driving and fined 2,000 Australian dollars. Boring, eh? Read on...

When Erhardt was pulled over for speeding back in July, he admitted to officers that he had filmed himself masturbating while driving from Adelaide to Darwin. He must have been mighty sore after that marathon, the distance is 3,051 miles! Oh, and he was apparently traveling at over 90 MPH at the time. And he was carrying cannabis in the car boot, with two cannabis plants on the back seat.

Perhaps that's why it took him three-thousand miles to pleasure himself - the dope had too much dope.

Oh, I forgot - he also pleaded guilty to driving unlicensed, carrying two cannabis smoking pipes, administering the drug and carrying a loaded rifle.

ABC News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:04 AM | Permalink

This must have been a very special festive season for 30-year-old, wheelchair bound, Ana Victoria Perez.

Perez was a regular fixture along a main Monterrey road, asking for change from motorists as she sat in a wheelchair pushed by her husband. But on Monday, the couple changed their modus operandi, and she and her husband allegedly threw a stone through a furniture store window, with a view to robbing the place.

The couple were scared off by a security guard, so scared, in fact, that Perez fled the scene on foot. They were arrested and charged with vandalism when they returned for the wheelchair.

Doesn't God move in mysterious ways?

First Coast News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 07:03 AM | Permalink

Torvald Alexander, who had been celebrating the New Year, returned to his Edinburgh home to find that his house had been broken into - and the culprit was still on the premises.

Alexander did what most of us would do in such a situation - he ran at the intruder, who, terrified, leaped from a first floor window to escape, leaving his shoes behind. This rather dramatic action was probably due to the fact that Alexander was still in fancy dress - as Thor, the Norse god of Thunder. He was dressed in a red cape, breast plate and horned silver helmet.

Our modern day incarnation of the hammer-wielding thunder god works as a mild-mannered builder by day. When asked why his intruder made such a dramatic escape, Thor said "He probably would not have expected to meet a strong builder, especially dressed in tinfoil and silver."

No, quite. And, going by the photograph, the muscles might have had something to do with it too.

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:46 AM | Permalink

In Wisconsin, an apparently drunken man helped himself to a cup of soda in a retail store but refused to pay the $1.57 bill. Employees told the 27-year-old that he must either pay for the drink or leave, but he refused to do either.

Police were called and an officer gave the man the choice of paying his bill or going to jail. Despite later being found to have over $70 in his pocket, the drunk chose to go to jail.

He was issued an ordinance citation for retail theft.

Well, there's nowt so queer as folk.

Leader Telegram

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:39 AM | Permalink

On December 19, concerned by his apparent disappearance, Stanley Carter's friends filed a missing person report on him. On Friday, 26th December, the long-lost Carter emerged from the attic of a neighbor's home - wearing the neighbor's clothes.

Carter's unwitting host, Stacy Ferrance, had heard noises but thought they were caused by the three children. She notified police on Christmas Day when cash, a laptop computer and an iPod disappeared, then called police again the next day when she found footprints in her bedroom closet, beneath the trap-door to the attic.

Carter kept a log of everything he took from the residence, which he labeled 'Stanley's Christmas List.'

He was charged with several counts of burglary, theft, receiving stolen property and criminal trespass after accessing the attic shared by the Ferrance family and their neighbors - the very folk who had reported Carter missing in the first place.

Chron.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:26 AM | Permalink

Shane Sartin broke out of Webster County Jail last week by using a string of Christmas lights to climb down from a third-story exercise area in the county courthouse. Of course, the majority of Christmas lights are designed to be hung by people and not hung on to by people and, as you would suspect, they broke.

Sartin took this personal tragedy, and the injured back that ensued, lightly and still managed to get away, changing from his orange prison jumpsuit to sweats and T-shirt. Nonetheless, he was picked up by officers less than 24 hours after his escape and taken to hospital to have his back injury assessed.

KansasCity.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 07:05 AM | Permalink

A hitchhiker has been arrested for throwing snowballs at passing cars because they wouldn't give him a lift.

Zack Laughlin Kelly was hitchhiking home for the festive season when Oregon police gave him a ride. They could only take him for the first part of his journey, following which Kelly had to rely, rather unsuccessfully, on his thumb. Frustrated at the lack of motorist goodwill (an abundance of motorist good sense, depending on which side of the fence you sit), Kelly decided to take attack the task of getting a ride rather more forcibly.

Police saw him walking in the fast lane of a motorway, snowballs in both hands, jumping toward vehicles to try to make them stop. He was also spotted walking in the center of the fast lane, throwing snowballs at vehicles passing him in the slow lane.

It appeared that, although Kelly had partaken of a festive tipple or two, he was still lucid. He was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct.

Metro

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:51 AM | Permalink

An Australian businessman pleaded not guilty to possessing more than 70 ecstasy tablets, telling Darwin Magistrates Court he had hoped they would prevent his shar-pei dogs from breeding.

Dog owner, Stephen James Dwyer, told the court the ecstasy tablets had come into his hands when he met the owner of a female shar-pei outside a laundromat. In conversation, the owner of the bitch told Dwyer that he had doggy birth control pills that he no longer needed because his bitch had been neutered.

Dwyer said he knew his dog was about to come on heat and he thought the pills would be "very handy for her." He claimed that no money had changed hands.

Magistrate Vince Luppino said he did not find the excuse for having a traffickable amount of ecstasy "reasonable" and handed down a suspended jail sentence of two months.

Sunday Territorian

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:06 AM | Permalink

Three Ohio women were busted this week after a botched robbery attempt at the Dollar Tree Store in Bedford Heights.

When cops searched the ladies' getaway car they discovered downloaded instructions from the internet, entitled "How To Commit Armed Robbery In Six Easy Steps."

The seized instructions were printed Monday morning at 10:16, just 11 hours before the women sought to hold up the aforementioned store.

Should you want to get busted in one easy step, click here.

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:27 AM | Permalink

In Omaha a woman returned home last Saturday to find that a window had been broken and her home trashed. The only things missing, however, were a tuna sandwich and four beers.

WOWT.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 05:59 AM | Permalink

It seems that variations on the following story come up every year; perhaps dumb criminals should think about taking the winter off?

Late on Tuesday, police followed footprints in the snow from the place where a pizza delivery man was robbed, tracing them back to a house on the same block, where they found two pizza boxes, the pizza man's debit card, and a baseball bat.

Police report that two teens waited on a porch for the pizza man and that two others, one of whom was one holding a bat, approached him. When threatened, the pizza man turned over pizzas and sodas, together with $200 in cash.

The four teenagers were arrested.

Chicago Breaking News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 05:52 AM | Permalink

Brittany Phillips was feeling frisky; her boyfriend, Todd Stewart,wasn't. Stewart pushed Phillips off him, and then, claims the rebuffed woman, he became violent

Stewart, on the other hand, told an investigator that he left the bedroom to sleep on a living room couch, but that his girlfriend "would not leave him alone." At some point, things got physical and Stewart says he was stabbed in the lower lip with "a long metal object which appeared to be a knife."

The frisky Phillips acknowledged that she struck Stewart, but said it was done "to protect herself."

Phillips was charged with aggravated battery, while a bloodied and bowed Stewart was charged with simple battery. His lover was also booked on a pair of outstanding warrants, for simple battery and damage to property. Seems like somebody else must have rebuffed her advances.

The Smoking Gun

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:38 AM | Permalink

A roadside speed camera took six photographs in one day of Robert Jones grinning and waving as he sped past, putting children's lives at risk and openly mocking the speed camera outside the village school in a 30mph zone.

Jones didn't help himself by registering the car in his daughter's name in an attempt to escape prosecution - despite the fact that his daughter is only 13 years old. He also denied being the person pictured in the vehicle for all six offenses but agreed that the woman in the back seat bore a striking resemblance to his ex-wife.

Having been clocked at speeds well in excess of 40mph, Jones was jailed for four months and disqualified from driving for six months.

Telegraph

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:41 AM | Permalink

A woman has been arrested after asking a state trooper for permission to smoke - before lighting up a joint.

The very aptly named Honesty Knight was riding as a passenger in a car pulled over by the Trooper for a traffic violation. As the Trooper questioned the driver, Knight obtained his permission to smoke, however, when the suspicious trooper examined the cigarette, it was found to contain marijuana.

Honest Honesty faces a preliminary charge of possession of paraphernalia. She was released from jail on bond.

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:26 AM | Permalink

James Herard stood in the dock, accused of wielding a shotgun in a string of Dunkin' Donuts robberies that covered two counties.

Herard, who was accused of the robberies along with two others, repeatedly barked at County Judge John Hurley.

An exasperated Hurley told the 19-year-old Herard, "I would suggest you take this more seriously." To which Herard's only reply was "ruff" - well, actually, several "ruffs."

Not to be beaten, when Herard again replied "ruff" to the explanation of his rights as a criminal defendant, Judge Hurley said, "I'm going to consider your bark as an acknowledgment of what I just told you."

Herard was remanded to jail without bond and minus telephone privileges. He is obviously barking mad.

South Florida

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:43 AM | Permalink

This from the felony criminal complaint filed yesterday against football star Plaxico Burress:

The informant observed the defendant holding a drink in his left hand while fidgeting with his right hand in the area of the waistline of his pants as he entered the upper VIP area of the Latin Quarter Club... Informant then heard a 'pop' sound and defendant stated in substance "Take me to a hospital." Informant then observed defendant's legs begin to shake and as the defendant's legs were shaking, informant observed a pistol fall out of the defendant's pant leg onto the floor.

Well, as if that wasn't stupid enough, Burress refused to call the police, choosing to got to a hospital where he used a false name and wasn't entirely honest about the details of the event.

Not only does Burress face imprisonment, he New York State Department of Health has launched an investigation to determine if the hospital that treated Plaxico Burress engaged in a conspiracy to hide information, after reports that hospital workers failed to report the gunshot wound, as required by New York law.

Failing to report a gunshot injury to cops is a class A misdemeanor.

The Smoking Gun
TMZ

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 03:07 AM | Permalink

Having followed up on a tip-off from their DrunkBuster hotline last Sunday, Santa Fe police went in pursuit of a pick-up trick that had been seen swerving across both lanes of a highway and being driven in a 'stop and go' fashion.

The suspected drunk driver narrowly missed other vehicles before driving through a ditch and a barbed wire fence prior to stopping; he then put the truck into reverse instead of park.

So surprised was the driver to find himself going backwards instead of remaining stationery, that he fell from the open door of the truck, then both of his legs were then run over by the front driver's side tire.

The 21 year old man was treated for minor injuries at a Santa Fe hospital and booked in to the Sandoval County detention center on charges of aggravated driving while intoxicated, fleeing a police officer, careless driving and two other outstanding traffic warrants.

Metro

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:34 AM | Permalink

Wyoming municipal employee, Brandon Raz, pleaded not guilty today to charges of twice ejaculating into the water bottle of a female co-worker.

The woman complained after drinking it that water from her bottle "smelled and tasted as if it had been contaminated by seminal fluid." That's because it had been. Top marks for her senses of taste and smell.

It wasn't until a month later, however, that the woman complained to the police after once again sniffing the contents of her water bottle and detecting the aroma of what she believed to be semen.

After being confronted by the DNA evidence, Raz admitted to a detective that he masturbated and ejaculated into his colleague's water bottle on two occasions.

Raz has been charged with misdemeanor battery, stalking, and attempted battery counts, each of which carries a maximum penalty of six months in prison and a $750 fine.

Disgusting. Got good aim though, hasn't he?

Smoking Gun

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:42 AM | Permalink

Keith Weatherley was spotted acting in a suspicious manner and has been fined £257 for offensive behavior, resisting police, and disobeying a police direction. He was parked at Nobbys Beach in Australia and, as you read on, you will realize just how apt that location was.

Suspecting that Weatherley might be armed, the police approached his car with weapons at the ready but Weatherley sped off the minute he spotted them.

Police gave chase but when Weatherley finally stopped the vehicle, he refused to exit the car. Officers used batons and spray to remove him - and that was when they discovered he had a a 750ml pasta jar around his penis. Weatherley continued to 'pleasure himself in between bouts of wrestling.'

Items found in the car by police included pornography, a home-made sex aid, women's stockings, and a Jack Russell terrier. I don't even want to hazard a guess...

Weatherley, who was fined in the region of $600, said he resisted police because he was 'trying to make himself decent.'
.

Metro

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 03:40 AM | Permalink

When police went to arrest Bernard Wood on burglary charges they found 78 bags of stolen popcorn in his home.

Wood, who stole appliances, jewelery, and tools from several homes was, apparently, fond of raiding the refrigerators of his victims.

Police caught him by matching his fingerprints to greasy ones left on an orange juice bottle at one of the crime scenes - where they also found the remnants of a chicken.

The Very Hungry Burglar was sentenced Friday to six years in prison after being found guilty of three counts of burglary and two counts of grand larceny.

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 03:57 AM | Permalink

The following is from a piece about the current levels of mathematics incompetence that has spread like a rash through all levels of society.

A 31-year-old man paid $10.99 for a new hammer. Then he used the hammer to break a liquor store window so he could steal an $8.99 bottle of wine. Allegedly.

The burglar told his arresting officers that he bought the hammer after he couldn't break the glass with a rock.

There are numerous other examples in the article but what really made me giggle was the opening paragraph:

Last spring, for example, only 49 percent - or two thirds - of Washington high school sophomores were able to pass the math part of the WASL test.

I do hope the writer was being cleverly ironic...

SR.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 03:47 AM | Permalink

A German prisoner made his great escape by mailing himself via FedEx.

Hans Lang, a 42-year-old drug dealer, hid in the laundry room until other inmates had finished work and, when the coast was clear, he bundled himself up in dirty bed linen inside the large FedEx box.

The package was then loaded onto a van and driven through the prison gates. The fugitive is understood to have waited until the driver made his next stop before getting out of the box, picking the lock on the back of the van and running off into nearby woods.

The escape was uncovered when the driver saw the empty box and realized somebody had picked the lock to his van - from the inside.

Life imitating art?

Ananova

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 05:24 AM | Permalink

A would-be bank robber is being held on $25,000 bail after his attempted robbery at a Pennsylvania bank.

After learning that the bank had no cash on hand to give him, robber Joseph Goetz fled the scene, vowing to file an official complaint as he did so.

It really wasn't Goetz' day: a customer using the bank's drive-thru services noticed him fleeing the scene and followed him. The unidentified customer then called police, who stopped Goetz's vehicle and arrested him on suspicion of attempting to commit a robbery.

API

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 05:05 AM | Permalink

A man was imprisoned this week after phoning police investigating his crime to tell them their appeal for witnesses, published in a local paper, was wrong.

The appeal, released the day after the incident took place (in Northampton, England), said a man had approached an angler, grabbed him by the neck and demanded his fishing kit. However, as far as the attacker was concerned, this was all wrong, and he phoned the police to tell them so, claiming he had been acting in self defense and had not approached the angler at all.

The attacker was sentenced to 30 months imprisonment for affray and other charges.

Metro

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:18 AM | Permalink

The aptly named Kyle Drinkwine from Wisconsin was apparently so incensed by a karaoke performance of a 1983 heavy metal track, Holy Diver, that he attempted to throttle the singer and his friend. A subsequent Breathalyzer test recorded Drinkwine's blood alcohol content at 0.169, more than twice the state limit.

Drinkwine was booked into the Pierce County Jail on battery and disorderly conduct counts.

This is not a first, however, back in August a Washington man was punched by a female bar patron who thought his cover of "Yellow," a Coldplay song, "really sucked."

The Smoking Gun

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:07 AM | Permalink

When Edward and Debra Hatton came home to find a couple of teens had broken in to their home, the police were called and, as you would expect, they scoured the place for clues. In doing so, the uncovered a sophisticated marijuana crop, guns, knives, and a fully loaded AK-47 assault rifle.

Mr Hatton also had a whole collection of police jackets and badges some from Los Angeles and some bearing the emblems of the Philadelphia police and federal authorities.

Hatton has never been arrested for impersonating an officer, but wore the badge of a federal officer at a poker tournament last year, with a weapon that appeared to be a gun on his waistband. He allegedly also had a collection of German military medals as well as a uniform identified by police as that of a Nazi soldier.

When Upper Darby Pennsylvania Police Superintendent, Michael Chitwood, asked "Why did you call the police?" Hatton apparently replied that he hadn't called the police. His wife had.

First Coast News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:55 AM | Permalink

A Florida man was arrested Saturday morning after allegedly tried to steal a handful of communion wafers during a Communion service.

According to the police report::

During mass at around 9 AM, Ricci accepted a wafer on the Communion line, but then walked away without taking the communion into his mouth.

After refusing a priest's requests to accept the wafer, Ricci turned to the priest and grabbed a handful of the wafers from the plate and attempted to leave the Church.

The parishioners were, understandably, very upset at his callous disregard for the service and they sought to detain him. A scuffle ensued as an 'enraged' Ricci began to 'act crazy.' Two of the men who tried to detain Ricci sustained minor injuries - they were 82 and 66 years old.

Ricci was charged with theft, battery, and disrupting a religious assembly. Take a look at the mugshot. He seems to be doing some communing of his own.

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:48 AM | Permalink

Indiana police are looking for a robber who they describe as "no brain surgeon."

Their quarry walked into Swifty on US 50 early Monday; he demanded money from the register and tied up the female clerk before running out of the door with a carton of cigarettes. He quickly realized he had forgotten something. The money.

That was when he found out that the door through which he had just exited was equipped with an electronic lock and stayed closed. He discovered that sad fact when he tried to re-enter the store to retrieve his money.

The robber is a described as a white male in his mid-to-late 20s; he's about 5' 10" tall and weighs 220 to 240 pounds. He was wearing a camouflage coat, dark-colored hooded sweatshirt, black ski mask and dark-colored hiking boots.

Cincinnati.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:55 AM | Permalink

Vipul Romik Sharma is a 22-year-old rapist. As well as being a sex criminal, he is also very stupid.

After raping a female victim picked up in a New Zealand bar back in February 2006, Sharma was so at ease with what he had just done that he fell asleep in the passenger seat of the car. The violated woman, with her wits still about her, drove her attacker directly to Auckland Police Station.

After a four day trial,Sharma was found guilty on Tuesday of abduction and two counts of rape. He was remanded in custody and will be sentenced in January.

AAP

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:09 AM | Permalink

A Polish motorist drove to a police station to ask officers if he was too drunk to drive. The cops, in an attempt to help the driver with his query, breathalyzed the driver. They then arrested him and charged him with DUI.

A police spokesman said: "He had been out drinking with friends and at the end of the night wasn't sure if he was over the limit or not and wanted to find a policeman to ask."

Ananova

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:29 AM | Permalink

Anybody who has ever had a paper round will empathize with the boy in this story.

The fourteen year old paper boy form Logan, Utah, wanted to speed up his paper round. He could perhaps have walked more quickly, or equipped himself with a pushbike, however, what he actually did was steal a neighbor's pick up truck. Unfortunately, he crashed the vehicle into one of the houses on his delivery route.

Although the house sustained only minor damage, one suspects that the boy sustained a major bawling out from his dad. He was also summoned by police to appear in juvenile court for various offenses.

Maybe it would have been better for the boy had he not returned the pickup truck to his neighbor's driveway after the crash and then gone off to school as if nothing had happened.

First Coast News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:20 AM | Permalink

After being followed by police officers for three kilometers, a drunken woman finally stopped at the side of the road as officers pulled up alongside.

When a breath test revealed a blood alcohol level of nearly ten times Sweden's legal limit of 0.02 percent, the woman said that her driving couldn't possibly be affected because she'd been careful to keep one eye closed to prevent her seeing double.

The court, unfortunately for her, looked at her defense with both eyes open; they sentenced her to two months in prison for aggravated drunken driving.

The Local

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 07:22 AM | Permalink

An 85 year-old woman has appeared in a video, wearing a black mask, holding a handgun and threatening to shoot all the pigs. Her 18 year old grandson, Michael Alfinez, who made the video, is now in a juvenile detention center after admitting that he coaxed his grandma into appearing in the gangster rap movie.

That might seem a stiff sentence - grandma wasn't hurt and she may well have enjoyed the whole event. that's what the Alfinez family are claiming. They think the case has been blown out of proportion. There's more to this story than first meets the eye, however.

The tape also included footage of him and others shooting a pistol around town. Alfinez not only pleaded guilty to elder abuse, he also pleaded guilty to charges of firing out of a moving vehicle and into a building.

Seems to me he got off lightly.

First Coast News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 05:15 AM | Permalink

Cory Eugene Gill was a bank robber with style - his getaway car was a limo. Sadly though, style is no protection from the law and Gill was caught and arrested in Tulsa on Friday afternoon, just hours after having robbed a bank in Irving, Texas. He sped away in a black limo.

Oh - and it was his fortieth birthday on Monday. So, if you're reading this, Happy Fortieth, Cory!

Chron

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:58 AM | Permalink

Officer Charles Brocker, of the Thomas Township Police Department in Saginaw, approached a man at the local Fill-N-Wash Car Wash to see what he was up to. He had watched the man arrive at the car wash on his pushbike and he was now apparently searching for change in the waste excess door of the installation.

However, as he got close enough to see what the man, one Jason Savage, was really up to, Officer Brocker realized that he certainly wasn't looking for change.

Savage, from Michigan, was, to put it delicately, servicing himself with the commercial car vacuum attachment; his response when confronted by Brocker was a simple, "Oh, shit."

Savage was arrested for indecent behaviour.

The Smoking Gun

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:10 AM | Permalink

Australian customs officials found more than they bargained for when the frisked a Samoan passenger on Wednesday. Whether by watching the woman's gait or by some other, more magical means, the officers suspected that the fifty-six year old from the Czech Republic might be concealing something on her body. The examining female officer found the women had secreted three banana plants in her underpants.

Quarantine officers seized the plants, which Customs say are a threat to Australia's banana industry because they can carry black sigatoka disease, fusarium wilt, or moko disease.

You can even see a picture of the recently released plants if you follow the link.

Yahoo

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:00 AM | Permalink

A Colorado couple got a side dish they hadn't ordered with their take-out taco meal- a baggie of weed.

The couple were waited on by 26 year old Dennis Klermund, who now faces charges of possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia following the dining couple's call to the police.

Oh, and before y'all rush off to the Del Taco Restaurant in Lakewood, Colorado. Klermund no longer works there.

9 News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 07:52 AM | Permalink

A man suspected of being involved in an armed robbery at an alleged brothel in Washington's Columbia Heights left his thumb behind.

Police say the 22-year-old man and an accomplice made off with hundreds of dollars in cash. However, one of the victims took hold of a silver machete used in the raid and hacked off the right thumb of one of the robbers.

Two hours later, a man with just one thumb reported to an ER; police were called and brought the severed thumb to the hospital. A doctor told police that the thumb 'fits like a puzzle piece' and the man was transferred to Baltimore hospital to have it reattached.

The man is now being held without bond.

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 07:32 AM | Permalink

Gus Young Jr stands accused of smashing up a grocery store in protest at the rising cost of living. Young apparently
entered Dixon's Food Mart in Fort Pierce, on the east Florida coast, and smashed a counter partition and DVD case.

When police turned up to arrest him, they say he smelled of alcohol, and was 'challenging people to fight.' When questioned he said he was angry about the fact that the price of a rock of crack cocaine had risen from ten dollars to twenty dollars.

Young claims he had actually been trying to punch a drug dealer in the store, but that the dealer ducked, causing him to hit the partition instead.

Metro

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:02 AM | Permalink

A McCain hating 45-year-old has been ticketed for unlawful dumping after admitting to putting dog feces in his neighbor's truck.

Donald Esmay, a 19-year-old from St Cloud complained to police about the small bags of dog poo that had been appearing in the back of his pickup in the few weeks since he had put a McCain supporting sign there.

Eventually, after weeks of unsuccessfully watching for the culprit, a neighbor was seen approaching the truck on Wednesday. The neighbor was confronted and he admitted to being the Poo Depositor, he also agreed that it was a childish thing to do.

When police later spoke with the neighbor, he told officers he did it because he "hates McCain."

The unlawful dumping ticket comes with a $183 fine.

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 05:51 AM | Permalink

It was Saturday night when a 27 year old man broke into an office building in Berlin. He collected four laptop computers and took the elevator to leave the building. No doubt, he was praising himself for such a successful heist.

Meanwhile, in another part of town, an elevator company received an emergency call from a man stuck in the lift at a Berlin office building. They followed procedure and alerted the Berlin Fire Department, who attended the scene to rescue the trapped man.

Following the rescue, the firemen noticed there were four laptops stashed in the elevator. They called in the police.

After his arrest the man admitted to attempted-theft.

Moral: Robbers should never use elevators.

Spiegel Online

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 04:50 AM | Permalink

A Port St Lucie man, who's name is given only as Franco, was being held on $10,000 bail last Tuesday for trying to attract the attention of his partner - well that's his story anyway.

The woman at the center of the story told deputies that she woke up on Friday morning to find Franco on top of her - nothing strange there. However, he was binding her hands with plastic ties and putting duct tape over her mouth. When Franco left the room to go to the kitchen, the unnamed woman managed to dial 911 on her cellphone.

On his arrest, Franco told deputies that he didn't want to live without his victim and he was just trying to get her attention. In that respect, I suppose, he was highly successful.

First Coast News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 04:42 AM | Permalink

Did you know that San Diego lobsters do not have pincers?

No neither did I but I suspect thirty-three-year-old Binh Quang Chau did - he was caught with six of the newspaper-wrapped creatures stuffed down his pants as he attempted to poach them from La Jolla State Marine Conservation Area in San Diego.

Department of Fish and Game warden Daryl Simmons says wardens arrested Chau when they noticed "odd bulges" in his pants. All six lobsters were, surprisingly, still alive and were returned to the ocean.

cbs13.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:20 AM | Permalink

On Thursday night a thief broke into a cemetery and drained 200 gallons of water, worth about $50, from a tank. Thing is, he thought he was draining gasoline.

Back in July, 225 gallons of gasoline was drained from the same tank and police believe the thief returned to repeat his crime. Sadly for him, however, following the July theft, the cemetery maintenance supervisor decided to move the gasoline elsewhere, and the tank is now used to store water.

Police are looking for whoever stole the water; $600 in damages was caused when the meter attached to the tank was smashed.

West Volusia News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:11 AM | Permalink

Andrew Vactor was fond of listening to rap music (is that a contradiction of terms?) in his car, and he had a habit of turning the volume up high. Eventually, of course, he had to face the music. Literally.

Judge Susan Fornof-Lippencott, Champaign County Municipal Court Judge, imposed a fine of $150 on Vactor for playing his music too loudly, but offered to reduce the fine to $35 if the accused would spend 20 hours listening to composed by Bach, Beethoven and Chopin.

Well, to be fair, the twenty-four-year-old gave it a go but, according to a probation office, he lasted about 15 minutes before giving up and paying the full fine.

Vactor said that the classical music wasn't the problem, he just wanted to be at a practice session with the rest of the Urbana University basketball team.

Judge Fornof-Lippencott says she was trying to make him understand that people don't like to be forced to listen to music they don't fully appreciate.

She says she's also taped TV shows for defendants in other cases to watch on topics such as financial responsibility. As she sees it, they get the chance to have their fine reduced "and at the same time broaden their horizons."

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 05:17 AM | Permalink

A 76-year-old convicted burglar in Britain is retiring. The reason for hanging up his swag bag is, he says, because modern technology has made it so hard to commit crimes.

Richard Blaylock was released from jail last week. On his release, the great-grandfather said that technological advancements, such as DNA testing and high-quality surveillance equipment, make a life of crime unsustainable.

Blaylock was a career criminal, with a total of 69 convictions under his belt, he has spent more than half of his life in 14 different prisons. His final conviction came when he was carrying his burglary tools and was stopped by police.

He said he hopes any young and aspiring criminals would learn from his experiences.

UPI

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 07:51 AM | Permalink

A six-foot blue rabbit carrying a bucket and accompanied by a gun-wielding sidekick has been arrested in Sweden. The rabbit and his pal made an unsuccessful attempt to rob a currency exchange office in Farsta, just outside Stockholm.

They attempted to force their way through security doors in the exchange, but staff managed to shut the second of two doors in their face. And that was when Bungle and his buddy ran away.

Police captured two suspects a short while later, and held them on suspicion of attempted robbery. Authorities believe that the bunny suit may itself have been stolen earlier in the day.

Now, if it had been a 6 foot invisible rabbit named Harvey, it would have been believable. But, a blue bunny...

Metro

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 07:40 AM | Permalink

it's best not to tell them you've been drinking!

Apparently overtaken by passion, 23-year-old Dennis Cullen and his girlfriend were having sex in their car when they were surprised by a tap-tap-tap on the windscreen. They looked up to see a uniformed police officer, whether or not they also saw the several marked police cars in surround parking spaces is not reported.

To make matters worse, the couple was also parked in a disabled space. With the engine running.

Cullen made the mistake of telling the officer that he and his female companion had been drinking at a university function. He was charged with drink driving. Neither he nor his companion were charged in connection with having sex in the car.

Silly boy!

Ananova

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 07:32 AM | Permalink

In Australia, the wife of a diplomat who got drunk and then squeezed the bottom of a Victorian policeman, has avoided a criminal conviction - despite the fact that following her arrest she injured a prison guard.

Muna Mawrid, 31, whose Norwegian husband is posted to Vietnam, staggered from the bar Amnesia at 5am on May 10 and grabbed the officer's left butt cheek.

She apparently remarked, "I love you guys. You look so f***# ing hot with your nine-millimetres." Reportedly, Mawrid's eyes were glazed and her speech was slurred.

After her arrest, Mawrid requested her asthma inhaler. She then lunged at a female guard and pulled her into the cell and, in the struggle, the guard suffered a lacerated finger which needed stitches.

The Norwegian avoided a criminal conviction because, two days after the event, a doctor diagnosed her as suffering from post traumatic stress disorder.

Mawrid was put on a non-conviction 12-month undertaking to be of good behavior, ordered to pay $500 to the court fund, and to continue counseling for her condition.

It seems to me that her actions were more the result of feeling 'hot' than of PTSD but what do I know.

The Age

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 11:18 AM | Permalink

In these days of CCTV it doesn't pay to have your name and date of birth tattooed on the back of your neck.

Aaron Evans, an illiterate 21 year old, attempted to steel a car in Bristol, UK. Unfortunately for him, he was caught when police used CCTV images showing the tattooed details on the back of his neck to pick him up.

Even more unfortunately for Evans, the car had been left by Avon and Somerset Police officers with a covert camera concealed inside, which took the damning pictures.

Evans pleaded guilty at Bristol Magistrates' Court and was sentenced to seven months in prison.

BBC

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:36 AM | Permalink

Juan Briceno has has been caught driving drunk four times - in 1998, 1999, 2000 and 2007.

On May 1, 2007, Briceno was taken in for reported drunk driving and, perhaps wanting to prove beyond doubt that he's whiter than white, drunk a bottle of Wite Out correctional fluid!

He was seen drinking from correctional fluid on a surveillance video - he had been left alone in a room at the police station, thinking that officers had gone to get the breath-testing equipment. Whether he was attempting to cover the fumes on his breath is not known - he's wiped the event from his mind. Hey - perhaps the stuff works!!

In the event, police spent a happy few minutes watching as Briceno attempted unsuccessfully to correct his mime-artist lips - perhaps he should have used Tippex to cover his mistake.

Later, at the hospital, Briceno's blood alcohol level was found to be three and a half times the legal limit.

Omaha World Herald

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:46 AM | Permalink

When Heidi Kohl, an 89 year old grandmother from Western Germany, became fed up with all the cars parked in her neighborhood, she extracted her revenge by slashing tires - 50 of them.

One of Kohl's neighbors spotted her mid-slash and reported her activities to the police and, subsequently, Granny Kohl was told she would face a fine. However, when Kohl told the authorities she couldn't afford to pay the fine, they came up with a rather unusual punishment - they ordered her to knit jumpers for her victims.

A spokeswoman confirmed: "When she's knitted the sweaters, then the matter will be over for us."

All that knitting will keep her off the streets as well.

Digital Spy

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 04:45 AM | Permalink

Croatian couple, Stipe Cavlovic and his wife Mirna, unintentionally got caught up in a disagreement between two men, and one of the men fired at them.

Amazingly, the bullet ricocheted off Mirna's cheek and got stuck in Stipe's false teeth.

By surprise, rather than by intention, Stipe spat out the hot bullet, causing the attacker to run off in fright.

The Croatian superman is quoted as telling the police, " I thought I was dead for sure, I didn't even see the bullet hit my wife. I just saw the flash of the gun's barrel. The next thing I knew was something hit my false tooth and I spat out the hot lead. It hurt like hell but we're both still alive." Wife Maria was also uninjured.

Police believe he survived because the bullet lost so much speed when it grazed Marla's cheek.

The gunman was arrested.

Metro

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:39 AM | Permalink

In Cincinnati, thirty-two-year-old Michelle Allen was charged with disorderly conduct after chasing children and urinating on a neighbor's porch. She was wearing a cow suit at the time.

Police were called when the 'cow' blocked traffic in a busy street. The arresting officer reported that Allen's breath smelled of alcohol, she slurred her speech, and she was belligerent, apparently cussing at him.

I've never been to Cincinnati, maybe I should go.

Local 12

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 03:42 AM | Permalink

Only a dumb pussy would urinate on a man's briefcase and not expect to pay the price. In this case, the price wasn't actually too bad - the man who owned the briefcase flung the cat onto the balcony of the apartment where they both lived. Also sharing the apartment was the man's wife, the nominal owner of said dumb pussy.

Now, the man's wife obviously preferred the dumb pussy to her dumb husband, because she called the Italian Animal and Environment Defense Association, who in turn found her lawyers specializing in similar cases.

Cat owner and man's wife, Mrs Laura Marchesi, reported that she had found her cat hungry and shivering with cold after spending the night trying to get back into their apartment, and a court has now ordered Mr Marchesi, he of the pee'd on briefcase, to pay his wife $800 for vets' expenses and emotional damage.

We are not told whether the emotional damage refers to the dumb pussy or to Mrs Marchesi (or is that one and the same thing?). However, Mrs Marchesi is quoted as saying, "I love my cat very, very much and what happened to it affected me deeply. It is only fair that I receive some compensation."

We are not told the status of the Marchesi marriage.

Ananova

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:20 AM | Permalink

When a client neglected to settle a $750 bill for two dental bridges, a Bavarian dentist took the only option open to him; he reclaimed the goods.

According to police, the dentist barged into the woman's house, tied her up, forced her mouth open and yanked out the two bridges that had not been paid for.

The dentist is now under investigation for assault for forcing open the woman's mouth, and theft for taking the bridges.

The crime report states that "the woman was in pain when she showed up at the police station."

Metro

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:09 AM | Permalink

If ever there was a bum rap, this is it. When Sandra Meiser robbed a bank in Norf, West Germany; she got away with $24,000. Witnesses to the crime told police that the bank robber was a woman with "a very large backside and powerful thighs."

A few weeks later, Meiser revisited the scene of her crime. As she was standing in line, allegedly with intent to rob the bank again, a witness to the first robbery identified her by the size of her bottom.

According to a bank worker who was present, "He called the police and they arrested her and found her ski mask and hand gun in her jacket. He said he recognized her bottom straight away - he'd never forget something that big."

Meiser now faces up to 10 years in jail on robbery and firearms charges. The witness has bagged a $8,000 reward.

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 04:05 AM | Permalink

Jose Cruz was stopped for driving under the influence in South Carolina, but he was arrested for farting on a police officer.

According to police officers, when Cruz was taken to the station for fingerprinting, he moved closer to the arresting officer and passed gas on him.

The odour was, apparently, "very strong."

Cruz has now been charged with battery on a police officer as well as Driving Under the Influence, and obstruction.

Metro

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 03:26 AM | Permalink

Pigs might not fly, but cows apparently do!

In China, a motorist was understandable shocked when a cow dropped from the sky and landed on his bonnet.

The black and white beast left a deep dent in his wake Luckily for the driver, a resident witnessed the accident - had that not been the case, who would have believed the 'victim?' The resident said he saw the cow jump off a lorry that was driving ahead of the car.

The lorry didn't stop - wonder why?

When police caught up with the lorry driver, he was arrested and is now in custody. Apparently he is a cow thief and he had stolen three cows from a local farmer. When the accident happened he was taking the cows to market.

Annanova

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 04:02 AM | Permalink

Forty-year-old Martyn Lamb had an unusual way of unwinding before picking his children up from school. Wearing skimpy knickers, suspenders and a blond wig, the married father of three exposed himself to passing trains.

When questioned by the Magistrate in York, Lamb said that he wore women's underwear while he was at work because it helped him to unwind during the day.

Metro

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:57 AM | Permalink

A 50 year old gentleman (I use the term in its broadest sense) is awaiting charges in Michigan after proving to policemen that men can indeed multitask.

The unnamed man was discovered masturbating behind a downtown building Wednesday afternoon. The gentleman was shirtless and had his pants down around his ankles; in one hand he held a beer and his other hand was otherwise engaged as he leaned over a pornographic magazine. It's too much to hope that his senses were aroused by the beauty of the written word - multitasking and reading is too much to expect.

Worryingly, police said this man does not match the description of a man who exposed himself to two women in separate incidents on Tuesday.

Michigan Alive

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 07:31 AM | Permalink

On Sunday morning, a young woman allegedly called 911 and told the operator that if she had an AK47 assault rifle, she would "stick it in the 911 operator's mouth and shoot it."

When police responded to the false 911 call they found Khaliyah Ranchelle Limehouse at a pay phone. On their arrival, Limehouse yelled at them that she had made the 911 call and that she would kill the officers if she had a gun.

As she was being arrested,the woman kicked an officer and tried to bite him. After she had been arrested, police found a sandwich bag containing1 gram of marijuana in Limehouse's purse.

Limehouse was charged with making a false 911 call, obstructing or opposing an officer with violence, possession of marijuana and two counts of battery on a law enforcement officer.

She is being held today $7,000 bail.

What I want to know is:

1. How would she manage to shoot the 911 operator down the phone (a good trick if you can do it)?
2. How could she possibly get a decent sized sandwich with only 1 gram marijuana?

Tampa Bay Online

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 03:40 AM | Permalink

A German teenager who caused $141,262.24 in damage when he flooded a Dusseldorf arena with beer will stand trial on Monday.

The boy allegedly broke into the arena with a friend back in October 2006 and opened three beer taps, flooding the place with 1,400 liters of pilsner lager. The beer soaked through the stadium to a conference room and eventually reached the parking area where it caused extensive damage.

Apparently the stench was so overwhelming that it was a year before the conference room could be used again.

The Local

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:01 AM | Permalink

The same cop, Jeffrey Wayne McKay, was also arrested on suspicion of indecent exposure, isn't that one and the same thing?

Police were called out just before 10 pm Saturday following reports that McKay was allegedly in his front yard making threats to neighborhood kids with a loaded gun. He also reportedly exposed himself while urinating on his front lawn. Now this is some multi-tasker! Gun in one hand and penis in the other, I bet he didn't know which one to shoot first.

And I hate to be pedantic - but how could he urinate without exposing himself?

McKay was arrested at the scene and held on $15,000 bail. He has since been released on bail bond.

Channel13

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:29 AM | Permalink

In Germany a man has received a three-year jail sentence for selling his partner to his neighbor as a sex slave. The price was a crate of beer.

The alcoholic husband sold his 32 year old wife more than once over a period of several weeks to their 60 year old neighbor. Each purchase cost the neighbor a crate of beer.

Mind you, the Germans do make exceedingly good beer.

SMH

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 12:06 PM | Permalink

Don't walk your dog in the nude in Tallahassee!

A 40 year old Tallahassee, spotted doing just that on Friday evening, responded to police questioning with, "Allah told me to watch a Bruce Willis movie and walk the dog." Now whether that was Allah the almighty or somebody the man shared his home with, I have no idea. Although, I suppose there's always the possibility that the guy shared his home with Allah the Almighty. Anyway, I digress...

The man was tasered when he refused to follow an officer's commands - we are not told what those commands were but apparently using the Taser was the only way to subdue the man without having to hurt him.

Wink News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 03:49 AM | Permalink

I've slotted this story into the Dumb Criminal pigeon hole but really it's not dumb anything, in fact, its a witty, whimsical invention.

Fed up with putting your lunch being snagged from the office refrigerator?
Moms - are you pissed because the kids snag refrigerator bags containing food set aside for meals?
Well, you're troubles are over!

I present you with the Anti-Theft Lunch Bag

Clever eh?

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:55 AM | Permalink

A burglar broke into a home and rubbed spices over the body of one of two men as they slept in their rooms. Then he used an 8 inch sausage to whack the other man in the face and head before he ran out the house. I have no idea of the relevance of 8" as used to describe the sausage.

The suspect was found hiding in a nearby field a few minutes later and taken into custody on suspicion of residential robbery.

Unfortunately, some of the evidence is missing - the piece of sausage used in the attack was discarded by the suspect and eaten by a dog.

Daily Telegraph

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 04:21 AM | Permalink

...he or she doesn't bear comparison to this German miser:

Magdalena Czerwinskawas sentenced to 15 days in prison for theft but was told she could pay a fine instead. She telephoned her boyfriend, Max Schuster, and asked him to pay. No, he said. He would rather keep the money for himself because, in the current economic climate, we have to save where we can. He didn't really feel like going to the jail anyway.

So poor Ms Czerwinskawas is still in jail. It is not sure if the relationship will continue when she is released.

Ananova

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 04:14 AM | Permalink

...Don't Tell the Police!

A 40 year old man was stopped by a trooper after being seen to drive his vehicle erratically. As the trooper was examining the man's driving license, white powder was seen to fall out of a crumpled up $100 bill. The man told the trooper that he only used cocaine when he was 'with the prostitutes.'

The driver's mistake was his answer to the question 'when were you last with a prostitute' with 'tonight.'

Strangely enough, the man was transported to the county jail.

The Kitsap Sun

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 11:23 AM | Permalink

If you're on a drugs charge, don't swallow the evidence.

On Tuesday night last, 38 year old Prince Swayzer III was pulled on suspicion of trafficking narcotics. During questioning Swayzer apparently became combative and was subdued with a Taser gun. He also allegedly ingested an 'unknown amount of a controlled substance.'

Prince Swayzer III is no more, he died in hospital after refusing medical treatment. Ah, well...

KTVU.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 11:11 AM | Permalink

A word to the wise - if you've faked your death for the insurance money - don't visit your GP.

Our hero today is Ahmad Akhtary, who had managed to get a false death certificate from Afghanistan certifying that he had died of 'brain trauma.'

The trauma to his brain must have been extensive - what other explanation is there for the fact that Akhtary continued to lead a perfectly normal, visible life despite being dead. Top marks to his GP for diagnosing that he was alive.

Instead of the £300,000 that Akthary hoped to net, he has been jailed for nine months (suspended for two years) on the charge of gaining money by deception.

I suppose that pretending to have a brain does count as deception.

Lancashire Evening Post

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:14 AM | Permalink

Mark Anthony Booth, of Iowa City, was charged with drunken driving and bribery early Sunday morning. He was pulled over for driving without headlights and, following a Breathalyzer test, was arrested for drunken driving.

In the squad car journey following the arrest, Booth offered the escorting officer "free Jimmy John's sandwiches if he was allowed to go home."

The officer declined the offer, to which Booth allegedly responded, "C'mon... Nobody's going to know."

Thick as well as crappy sandwiches then.

Press Citizen

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:33 AM | Permalink

The dumb criminal in this story is a dumb animal, so I think we can forgive him...

The blame for a string of shoe thefts has been laid square on the very small shoulders of stray beagle. The penny dropped after Angie Jeffers reported one of her son's shoes disappeared after being left outside overnight and later turned up near the firehouse, where it was spied on a ramp right beside the dog.

The acting town Marshall has also seen the dog carrying a tennis shoe, with something on his head that was not a hat. The beagle obviously needs some fashion advice because the item on his head was a pair of ladies underwear. The dog was heading for the fire department.

Officials said the dog, who takes only one shoe at a time and never leaves any bite marks on the items, has proven difficult to capture.

I don't think they've been trying very hard, do you?

UPI

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:02 AM | Permalink

When Thieves Feel Sorry For You and Leave You Money!

The criminals in this story are heroic rather than dumb. Flavia Alcantara, a Brazilian lady, left a note on the windscreen of her car warning thieves that it wasn't worth stealing.

The note read: Mr Robber, please do not steal this car. It has no batteries, no spare tire. It is in bad shape. Thank you for your attention.

She wasn't exaggerating; somebody did try to steal her car but gave it up as a bad job - and left her a 1 Reai banknote - worth about 80 cents.

Ananova

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 03:21 AM | Permalink

Jeffrey M Hansen wanted to know if the glass doors and windows of the Rock County Sheriff's Office were bullet-proof. In an experiment to find the answer to his research question, he repeatedly threw a large stone at the aforementioned doors and windows.

When officers went to investigate. Hansen gave himself up, holding out his wrists to officers, and admitted to causing the damage, telling officers to handcuff and arrest him. He told the officers he threw the rocks to see if the glass was bulletproof; investigating officers did find chips in the glass panes, a fact that will certainly inform the research project.

Ten people from a jail tour were in the lobby during the alleged incident.

Hansen was arrested for reckless endangering safety, criminal damage to property and disorderly conduct and is being held at the Rock County Jail until his initial court appearance.

We await the results of his research with interest, although one wonders if data produced for large stones (aka rocks?) is transferable to bullets.

Capital Times

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 05:26 AM | Permalink

Austrian Josef Reiner was admitted to hospital with a broken nose, jaw, and arm; injuries consistent with having been attacked.

However, when the hospital called police, Reiner admitted that he had used an iron bar to inflict the injuries on himself in an attempt to fake an armed robbery. Apparently, Reiner had lost thousands of dollars at the casino and was too frightened to tell his wife.

Ananova

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 05:12 AM | Permalink

When two police officers stopped a Ford Ranger for failing to signal a turn on Thursday, the driver of the vehicle became very nervous, telling officers, "It's not my truck, if you find something, it's not mine", and "if there is anything in that black bag, it's not mine."

The police later found approximately 50 rocks of crack cocaine in the bag and impounded the truck.

The driver was arrested for possession of a controlled substance and is being held in the County Jail on a $1,500 bond.

How often must it be said - if you're carrying something illegal you should ensure that your driving is pristine.

Caller

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 04:51 AM | Permalink

...No, it's a burglar!

When Paul Ives returned to his home in Dartford, England, after a long day at work he was shocked to find that he had been the victim of an attempted burglary; he was even more shocked to find the burglar still in situ - hanging upside down after apparently using a hammer he was still holding to smash through a glass window.

Ives reports "He was hanging upside down. His body was inside the house and he was stuck in the window with his foot outside. The more he struggled, the more he got jammed. When I got home, he still had the hammer in his hand which he had used to smash the main window and get some leverage."

Police and paramedics were called to the scene and, once freed, John Pearce pleaded guilty to burglary with intent to steal. Sentencing is scheduled for September 5th.

UPI

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 04:38 AM | Permalink

Michael Peterson, who was convicted of killing his wife, Kathleen Peterson has come up with a novel defense, or rather his attorney has.

Attorney Larry Pollard, a former neighbor of the Petersons, hopes to change the prosecutor's mind with evidence that was handed over to Peterson's defense team before the 2003 verdict. His hypothesis is that it was a neighborhood owl and not a fancy fireplace poker that caused the blunt-force trauma and head wounds that drained the life from Kathleen Peterson in December 2001.

Wouldn't there be feathers if that had been the case? Pollard has an answer for that one; an SBI report lists the presence of a microscopic feather mixed in with hair that Kathleen Peterson had clutched in her left hand.

So, are we saying that the owl killed Mrs Peterson with a fancy firework poker?

NewsObserver

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 04:50 AM | Permalink

and got 22 of his buddies arrested?

Well, apparently that wasn't his first arrest of the week. The previous day, he had robbed the same store and been caught with his illegal booty at the bus stop. One officer commented, "We don't know if he just started doing it or if he just started getting caught."

What's that saying about criminals not revisiting the scene of the crime? Should somebody explain it to the Not-So-Phantom Beer Bandit?

Denver News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 05:13 AM | Permalink

This criminal is not so much dumb as naive; I challenge you not to sigh in sympathy (or something).

A 17 year old in Los Osos, California, has been charged with retail theft. He was arrested last Wednesday after he tried to get away with a 'Great Sex Kit' without paying for it.

The product apparently retails for $7.95; I wish I knew how you could get great sex for $7.95!

You know what - if I'd been the store clerk I would have bought it for him.

nwf Daily News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 05:06 AM | Permalink

Zachary Rajaniemi stole two 30-packs of beer from a 7-11 store early one morning. When police caught up with him, he was quenching his thirst with the stolen beer, along with 22 o f his friends.

All 23 were arrested for possession of alcohol and ended up behind the bars at El Paso County Jail. I suspect that the 22 wish their friend hadn't been so generous with his booty.

KTSM

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:58 AM | Permalink

Well, it's obvious, isn't it - you wear a Winnie-the-Pooh costume.

Well, that's what Japanese Masayuki Ishikawa wore anyway. His two friends apparently have far less style, they dressed as a mouse and a panther.

The thing is, when people in the street stared at them, Ishikawa took umbrage, beat them up and stole $160.

So much for Pooh sticks and honey for tea.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:47 AM | Permalink

A desperate man made three tries within nine days to get free X-rated videos from an 'adult' store. All three attempts were unsuccessful, despite the fact that he showed a badge and claimed to be a police officer. He told store staff that he needed to ensure that the performers in the videos weren't underage.

Although the card he presented did not have a name, it claimed to have originated from the Longmont Age Verification Unit.

You won't be surprised to hear that there is no such unit.

Wink.News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:40 AM | Permalink

In Batavia, New York, a groom has been arrested for being to close to his bride on their wedding day.

Timothy Cole wed his ex-wife and they celebrated with a post-wedding party. During the celebrations Cole, who was well known to police, got involved in a quarrel with one of the guests. Apparently called to the wedding day altercation, officers realized that the new (recycled?) bride had previously taken out a protection order against Cole. The groom was arrested and charged with first-degree criminal contempt, a felony, and ordered jailed without bail.

Leaving a blushing bride, I suspect.

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 04:23 AM | Permalink

Because he's a chicken, of course!

Rudy is, in fact, a 5-foot, 400-pound bright blue rooster; not because he's been eating irradiated grain but because he's made of metal.

He managed to cross the road when somebody tried to steal him. For whatever reason, the thief gave up after crossing the road and Rudy's owner discovered the chicken he views as a 'family pet' next morning when he went for his daily paper.

The thief was obviously more chicken than Rudy.

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 04:43 AM | Permalink

Fifty-five-year-old Faith Sullivan called a taxi service from a hotel and took a ride to the Compass Bank on Belair Boulevard (somewhere in Florida). The taxi waited outside for Sullivan to return. But, as taxi driver Malcolm Christian commented, "she wasn't cashing no check."

Sullivan is accused of robbing the bank and using Christian's taxi as her get-away car. The audacious former entertainer, once a member of the Air Force's band, is now in jail charged with robbery. Presumably she now sings for supper.

WKRG

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 04:54 AM | Permalink

Grayson Lee Clevenger, who was wanted in a first-degree burglary case in Burnsville, was involved in a police chase on July 22. The chase crossed the Minnesota-Wisconsin border and, close to the University of Minnesota, Clevenger fled on foot (which leads me to assume that, up until that point, he had been driving).

IN an attempt to bring the chase to a close, police called Clevenger on his cell phone. Clevenger answered their call with "Dude, I can't talk, I'm being chased by the police." Then he hung up.

The police must have failed to catch their quarry because Clevenger was eventually arrested following another chase. Having crashed his stolen getaway car, Clevenger once again tried to run away. This time he wasn't quick enough; police caught and arrested him.

As of yesterday, he was being held in Hennepin County Jail.

My Fox Twin Cities

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 04:33 AM | Permalink

or are you pleased to see me?

In Palm Springs, California, an officer was rather perturbed by the swollen crotch of the man in a Wal-Mart Super Center. The puzzle was solved when the officer asked the man if he had anything on him that he (the officer) should know about; in response the man removed a 3 1/2-pound package of Foster Farms chicken breasts from the front of his pants.

Timothy Yates was booked on suspicion of possessing stolen property and taken to jail, where he was locked up in lieu of $5,000 bail. His crotch was far less spectacular following his arrest.

KNBC

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 12:11 PM | Permalink

in the US we have Barbecue Pits!

The argument between a man and woman about whether or not a guest should stay in their home became so heated that the woman picked up the barbecue pit and hit the man over the head with it.

The man responded by using the pit to hit the woman over the head; the final response went to the woman, who used the barbecue pit to smash the back window of the man's car.

Both combatants received medical attention before being arrested. The man was charged with aggravated battery, his opponent with aggravated battery and criminal damage.

We are not told whether the guest stayed or not.

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 12:00 PM | Permalink

Picture the scene: the driver of a 1999 Chevrolet Tahoe is trying to flee from the police. In his efforts to get away, he floors the gas pedal and drives out onto a lake. After fifty yards or so, it occurs to the driver that, unless he is the new messiah, he shouldn't be able to do this. He looks down in consternation and, a heartbeat later, he and his car plunge into the water. Cue Mutley laugh.

However, this isn't a scene from Wacky Races, this really happened. Steven M. Frissora had allegedly used his car in an aggressive manner against a man fishing with a young child before taking his plunge. According to police, the car traveled a full 50 yards before coming to a halt. And ironically, the fisherman, helped police to rescue Frissora from the water.

Frissora had been under police investigation for violation of a restraining order. Following his attempt to drive on water, Frissora was charged with:

* violation of a protective order
* failure to stop for police
* resisting arrest
* driving so as to endanger
* drunken driving (second offense)
* assault with a dangerous weapon (motor vehicle)

He is now also certain that he is not the Second Coming.

Worcester Telegram and Gazette

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:25 AM | Permalink

You have to admire thirty-three year old Edward Bishop for his cheek.

Bishop stole a Chevy Silverado pick-up truck and used it to drive to the convenience store. While sitting in the truck outside the 7-Eleven store, a man with a gun got into the truck and ordered Bishop to start driving.

When the pick-up ran out of gas, the hijacker ordered Bishop to get out and start pushing. However, the original thief took the opportunity to escape - and call the police.

Police spotted the truck the next day and, after a short chase that ended in a crash, hijacker Jomo Sexton was arrested.

How's that for karma in action!

San Francisco Chronicle

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:13 AM | Permalink

When a group of intruders went for a midnight skinny-dip in a swimming pool in Western Germany, they hadn't given any thought to planning a getaway should they get caught.

And get caught they did. Police chased the swimmers, who fled in different directions. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your point of view), one of the skinny-dippers jumped a wall - and landed straight in a hedge of nettles.

According to the police, all they had to do then was, "just follow the sound of the screaming."

Ouch...

Ananova

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:16 AM | Permalink

There was uproar in an English court room last week when the defendant pulled two fingers from her handbag and said they belonged to one of her children.

The Judge immediately cleared the court and the police were called, along with social services and the child protection team.

The defendant was mother-of-six Remi Fakorede, who is now behind bars for a tax credit fraud amounting to 925,000 pounds ($1,808.29). Fakorede claimed that the fingers had fallen off the child's hand as a result of a strong voodoo curse; the same curse that had forced her (Fakorede) into crime.

Although it is understood one of her children had lost part of her hand after suffering renal problems and developing gangrene, DNA test results are now under way to find out who the fingers belong to.

The Sun

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 07:11 AM | Permalink

Pennsylvania couple Philip Fleck and Heather Darcy egged the properties of over 400 people during an 18 month retaliation campaign against the friends they allege inflicted damages upon them.

Why should so many pay for the alleged actions of so few? Because Fleck and Darcy believed that this would draw suspicion away from them.

Police allege that the couple caused more than $7,000 during their campaign, but Darcy's mother denies this; she believes that police have got everything out of proportion - after all, she says, her daughter openly admitted things to the police, and was apologetic for one incident.

According to court documents, both Fleck and Heather Darcy admitted their role in the 18-month egg-tossing spree.

Why not take a look at the egg heads.

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:03 AM | Permalink

A Victoria's Secret store in Milwaukee has reported the theft of 115 bras. The thief was a woman, apparently, although I have know idea how police know this fact. I want to know how the hell this woman smuggled 115 bras out of the shop without being noticed.

I assume that 'undercover' police are working in a supporting role in this case.

JS Online

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:40 AM | Permalink

John A. LaVoie ran a massage and prostitution business in his Tucson building that went under the name of Angel's Heaven. He claimed that Angel's Heaven was part of his church and was funded by donations.

The jury didn't seem to think that this sort of outreach service was part of the Lord's works; they found LaVoie guilty of 22 civil counts of racketeering. He was ordered to forfeit $850,000 he earned from the prostitution business and $81,000 in cash police seized during a raid. The 52 year-old was also ordered to give up an office building worth up to $1 million.

(sigh) I wonder would Jesus would say? Or should that be, I wonder what Jesus would donate...

AZ Central

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:55 AM | Permalink

Office Depot employee, Shaun Philistin, was disgruntled with his manager and was planning to rob the store's cash in revenge. Last week, with his friend, William Clairvin, Philistin put his dastardly plan into action.

On July 22nd, about an hour before the store opened, two masked men (that is, Clairvin and Philstin) confronted the manager. Tied up and confronted with violent behavior, the manager told the two masked villains to take what they wanted. Then it all started to go pear shaped. As the men left the manager's office, the door automatically shut and locked behind them. Obviously still fired up, the men tied up two employees, before trying, unsuccessfully, to get back into the officer.

By now the police had been called, and the two friends fled the scene towards their getaway car - a Cadillac. Unfortunately for them, they had to ask for jumper cables to start the car. Apparently the Cadillac belongs to Philistin and always has to be started from under the hood. Perhaps that should be Philistine with an 'e'...

Both men face charges of armed robbery with a firearm, aggravated assault, aggravated battery, grand theft, false imprisonment and use of a firearm during the commission of a felony.

Florida Today

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:35 AM | Permalink

Just a shame that it's in China!

Leng Qiang had been on the police 'wanted' list for two years after robbing a nightclub. Then police got lucky, hearing on the grapevine that Qiang had a new girlfriend and could possibly be hiding at her place. However, when the police arrived at the girlfriend's place, they found that her family was in situ, preparing for a wedding. What is more, the girlfriend was obviously pregnant.

The police waited outside the house for two days to avoid interrupting the wedding and to save embarrassing the family of the bride. As if that wasn't enough, once the wedding was over the police decided that the newly married couple should be allowed to enjoy their wedding night. So they planned the arrest for the following morning.

When police eventually did break in, the groom was still sleeping. The bride had no idea that her new husband was wanted by police and said that it was a bit late to find out now.

Aah!

Ananova

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:31 AM | Permalink

Tommy Gill obviously hasn't been going to bed early enough; what other explanation is there for being found fast asleep in a child's bed - surrounded by stolen possessions?

A mother and her two children arrived home at about 11 o'clock at night after having been to a family get together. The 10 year old girl pointed out that the light was on, which it shouldn't have been. Sensing something was up, the mother sent her two children into the kitchen for milk and cookies, whereupon the family realized that the back door had been smashed in.

Gill was found fast asleep in the 12 year-old-boy's bed and, according to the children's mother, it took, police quite a while to wake him up. Twenty-seven year old Gill had picked up a rucksack and stuffed the boy's new X box computer and games into it. He also raided the boy's money box which contained 120 pounds he had saved up for his holiday. Having stuffed the cash down his trousers, Gill headed upstairs - and promptly fell asleep.

After he was arrested Gill told police he had taken 15 Valium tablets and was deeply sorry to the family for what he had done.

Gill, who has been branded 'Goldilocks' by the police, will appear for sentencing at Portsmouth Crown Court next month.

Daily Mail

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:19 AM | Permalink

Okay, who among you has never put something on top of your car and then forgotten about it when driving off? So all that's different in this case is that it was the guy's wife on top of the car and not his lighter.

Husband and wife, Diamond and Monica Mircea, were fighting in the early hours of Sunday morning. Witnesses said they saw the couple leave the house, whereupon Diamond jumped into the car and she climbed onto the car's roof to try to stop him.

Apparently, Diamond drove one block before his wife fell to the street and hit her head. Man, she's got some staying power, ain't she!

Monica Mircea is now hospitalized in critical condition. Diamond Mircea has been charged with vehicular assault and driving while intoxicated. What a gem of a man he is.

wcbstv

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:49 AM | Permalink

Sgt. Jay Newton took a real licking from eighteen-year-old Ryan Halverson when he arrested him on suspicion of being drunk last Wednesday.

As he was taking items from the handcuffed Halverson's pockets, the prisoner leaned over and licked the officer on the left cheek. Newton moved out of range in time to avoid a second lick. Halverson was rewarded with a charge of assault on an officer; he's currently languishing in Brazoria County Jail on $10,000 bond.

Police Chief Jeff Pynes commented, "We want people to like our officers, but not to lick them."

Pynes went onto say that licking could be serious because of the risk of disease. Quite. Halverson has no idea where Newton's face has been.

Chron.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:20 AM | Permalink

Trooper, Nicholas Cortes, stopped a westbound Cadillac for following another vehicle too closely and asked for permission to search the car.

Cortes' search unearthed 1,000 individual packets of heroin with a street value of $25,000, four bags of marijuana and four vials of an unknown yellow liquid, and about $3,000 in cash.

The five occupants of the car were arrested on charges of possession of a controlled substance with intent to deliver, conspiracy, possession of a controlled substance and possession of a small amount of marijuana. They were sent to Monroe County Prison under $80,000 bail.

If the famous five had been regular readers of Dumb Justice, they would have known better. In fact, Dumb Justice should be mandatory reading for all self-respecting criminals.

Morning Call

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:43 AM | Permalink

A Cincinnati woman has been charged with aggravated assault after trying to stuff a peanut into the mouth of a nut allergic neighbor. The accused is Robyn Lee, who appeared in court on Monday, and who was also charged with 'related criminal damage.'

Police records reveal that Lee and her nut allergic neighbor were in the car when the incident happened, en route to the mall. Once they reached the mall, the assaults continued, with Lee allegedly throwing peanuts at her neighbor. The neighbor also noticed Lee 'messing with my tires' shortly afterwards. She did find that the windscreen wipers were torn off, the tires deflated, and the paintwork had been keyed. So that will be the related criminal damage, then.

For the assault with a deadly peanut, a judge set Lee's bond at $5,000 and ordered her to stay away from Ferguson. I'd want her to stay away from my car too!

Cincinnati.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:57 AM | Permalink

At the beginning of July, two men broke into the Fred Meyer department store northeast of Seattle. They were arrested soon afterwards.

Officers followed a trail of cardboard and items from store storage containers; a trail that led to two sleeping men. One was sleeping in a stolen hammock and the other on a pile of stolen pillows.

Police say they photographed the less than dynamic duo before waking them up so they could be arrested. Apparently, alcohol was involved and the men have been charged with second degree burglary.

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:48 AM | Permalink

When restaurant workers arrived for work in Dayton this week, they were faced with the sight of a middle aged, naked man sitting on his front porch and fondling himself. When police arrived, the 58 year old told them "It's OK. I'm a nudist. It's hot out." By his side was a 40 ounce half-empty container of alcohol. Once the man had put on his clothes, he was arrested on a misdemeanor charge of public indecency.

Why is it never young, fit, good-looking people who break the laws of public decency?

Springfield News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 12:12 PM | Permalink

When a Kimberly Cole found her partner, Joel Goldsmith, smoking cocaine in their bathroom, she turned the shower on him to wash away the drugs. When he refused to stop smoking the cocaine, she whacked him with the toilet seat.

The Florida couple was arrested. Cole was charged with battery and Goldsmith with possession of cocaine.

Okay - why was there a lone toilet seat lying around? Perhaps she wasn't just pissed at the dope smoking, what really sparked her anger was the fact that the seat had been lying there for ages waiting for Goldsmith to get around to fixing it.

Firstcoastnews.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:24 AM | Permalink

When two trailers of bananas, worth an estimated $40,000 went missing in Delaware, State Police Cpl. Jeffrey Whitmarsh was heard to comment "Someone's got a whole lot of potassium."

The trailers, minus bananas, were found in the Bronx on Saturday.

Altogether now: Daylight come, an me wan go home

UPI

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:15 AM | Permalink

Rule Number One: Do not leave search terms like "ethylene glycol death human" on your computer.

James Keown poisoned his wife with Gatorade and antifreeze over a period several months before administering a final, fatal does on Sept. 4, 2004. He killed her for her $250,000 life insurance policy because he was deeply in debt.

The defense told the jury that Julie Keown could have committed suicide or accidentally ingested the chemical. No antifreeze was found in the Keowns' home. However, a computer expert told the court that two days before Julie Keown entered the hospital the first time, James Keown's computer showed he did a search using the words "ethylene glycol death human."

Keown has been sentenced to life imprisonment without parole.

AP

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:26 AM | Permalink

Life wasn't easy for the clerk in the convenience store. A steady trudge of customers, all of them convinced they were the only ones to need service, all of them in too much of a hurry to pass the time of day with the lowly store assistant. Things couldn't really get any worse. Could they?

Yup!

Just after midnight a man walked in and demanded money. When our poor, lowly clerk refused, the man snatched a banana from the counter and started hitting the clerk with it.

You know, everybody has their threshold, and our clerk had reached his. He drew a knife. Banana man split.

MSNBC

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:55 AM | Permalink

A man dressed as a penis disrupted graduation day at the Saratoga Performing Arts Center. Allegedly, Calvin Morett brought a halt to proceedings as diplomas were being handed out by marching across the stage wearing an inflatable six foot penis costume. He was, apparently, easy to catch because he kept tripping over his balls. The inflatable ones that is.

The upstanding young man was ticketed for disorderly conduct, a violation, and will face the charges in City Court on Tuesday.

Times Union

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:46 AM | Permalink

A man stands accused of stabbing his mother in the back with a dinner fork, clubbing another woman over the head with a 10-pound frozen chicken, and resisting arrest by Jackson County police officers. The man is currently residing at Jackson County Jail.

Personally, I blame the parents.

It's obvious, isn't it, that if the mother had fulfilled her motherly duties and had cooked the chicken, her son would have had something tastier to stab with his fork.

Michigan Live

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:52 AM | Permalink

The woman from Myrtle Beach who reported her car stolen shouldn't have been surprised really.

She loaned the car, a 2008 Kia Spectra , to a man she met in a parking lot. After chatting for twenty minutes or so, the man, who was accompanied by two prostitutes, asked if he might borrow the woman's car to go buy some crack cocaine. He couldn't pay her cash but offered her some cocaine in exchange for the car loan , saying that he would return the following night.

She's still waiting.

Myrtle Beach Online

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:43 AM | Permalink

A man found asleep in his motorized wheelchair on a northern Australian highway has been charged with drunk driving.

The man was spotted by police officers on Friday morning as they passed by the exit lane near the city of Cairns. Other motorists swerved to get around the man, who was slumped in the stationary chair right on the exit lane.

When breath tested, the 64 year registered a blood alcohol reading of over six times the legal limit and he was charged with operating a vehicle while drunk. He has been ordered to report to court on July 7.

Apparently, the man was making the nine-mile trip to from his home to his friend's house. He faces a stiff penalty - and to get over it he will, of course, need a stiff drink.

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:43 AM | Permalink

I was tempted to classify this as Dumb Celebrity, but it would have been a little disingenuous.

God has been arrested in Tampa, Florida, and charged with selling cocaine.

God Lucky Howard has been under investigation since last month but he was eventually arrested on Saturday after allegedly attempting to sell cocaine to undercover detectives. A subsequent search of his home uncovered a further 22 grams of the drug together with a set of scales.

Records show God was charged with several counts of drug possession and distribution. His charges were increased because he was selling his wares within 1,000 feet of a church.

God might want to rethink his middle name - Lucky doesn't really cut it, does it?

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:29 AM | Permalink

Eighteen officers from London's Metropolitan Police Force, the largest force in Britain, have been handed written warnings for bragging on a Facebook site about crashing cars and hitting pedestrians.

The policemen joked about injuring members of the public on a site called Look I’ve Had a Pocol – slang for police collision.

Before it was disbanded in January, the site had 200 members located around the world. One pictured showed a police vehicle in an accident with a small white car, along with the comment, "I did him a favour. At 82 years old you just shouldn’t be on the road and if you are, then most certainly don’t go through a green light into the path of an innocent police car."

Another entry read, "Ran over a drunk. I believe he has a permanent limp and a hefty payout. I was given a three-month holiday from job driving. Ooh, bummer."

Ah, makes me proud to be British!

The Times

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:29 AM | Permalink

IT'S NEVER A GOOD IDEA TO UPSET THE CHEF!

Former restaurant cook, Ryan Kropp, has been charged with a felony of placing foreign objects in edibles, for which he faces a possible jail sentence of three-and-a-half years. The foreign objects were his pubic hairs.

Kropp was fired, along with another cook, following an incident back in February; when a manager asked a customer how his steak was, the customer remarked that it was overdone. However, he had almost finished eating it and declined the offer of a new steak.

But the manager must have just attended a customer service seminar or something, because he insisted on having Kropp prepare a new steak, medium rare, for the customer to take home.

The following day, after finding hair in his medium rare steak, the customer called the restaurant and police.

A second kitchen worker told police Kropp had put a slit in the cooked steak and pushed something inside, saying, "These are my pubes."

Kropp said that, in fact, it was his facial hairs he had put in steak and he did it because he thought the customer was trying to get stuff for free.

Wherever they came from, they were short and curly. Moral: don't ever complain in a restaurant; they don't just spit in your coffee, they put pubes in your food too.

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:09 AM | Permalink

NOW WE HAVE A MAN HIDING IN A WOMAN'S COUCH!

The 22 year old New York woman got more than she bargained for when she sat on her couch last Wednesday evening; as she sat down, she felt a bump in the cushions. And the bump moved.

She jumped up (well, you would, wouldn't you) and David Joe Limones, who had cut a hole in the couch and was hiding in the carved out space, emerged, knocking a cell phone out of the woman's hand as he did so.

The woman had filed an earlier complaint against Limones and, when she entered her apartment, she was on the phone because she was worried he might lying in wait for her. Very sensibly, she had asked the friend to stay on the line and call police if something went wrong.

When officers arrived, they found Limones and the the woman arguing on the balcony.

Limones, 27, faces burglary and other charges. He is being held on $20,000 bail. Next time you go searching down the back of the couch for spare change, think on!

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 12:52 PM | Permalink

John Christopher Williams is well known to police and often fails to show up for court appearances, which usually leads to a warrant for his arrest.

Nothing was out of the ordinary yesterday then, when police turned up at Williams' home and arrested him; that is, nothing was out of the ordinary until the bad boy was checked into the cells. There, wrapped neatly around his penis, prison guards discovered nine grams of marijuana.

Williams, claiming that it had all been a misunderstanding, was sentenced to 30 days in prison.

Metro

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 11:40 AM | Permalink

MAKE LEMONADE!

The young girl wasn't going to let the crook get away easily. He had stolen $17.50 from her lemonade stand and she went after him, chasing him into a nearby home before calling police. It took an hour of coaxing before the thief , 18 year old Steve Tryon, surrendered. He was arrested on a preliminary felony charge of robbery and jailed, scheduled to appear in court Tuesday.

What a guy - stealing from kids then being too frightened to come out of hiding.

The kids said they would continue to sell lemonade, but with an adult's supervision.

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:03 AM | Permalink

A British woman with a bad wig arrived at an airport in Norway on Sunday, in fact, the wig was so bad customs officials felt the need to examine it more closely.

Sure enough, beneath the wig authorities found 2.2 pounds of cocaine glued to the woman's real hair. It was glued so tightly that it had to be removed in hospital.

The smack head is being held until July 15, pending a formal indictment and trial.

First Coast News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:50 AM | Permalink

When Frank Keys was pulled over for a traffic violation, he was ordered out of the car and patted down. Officers reportedly felt a "large, hard object in the pants area." It wasn't what you think though, in fact, I don't imagine that Keys could have been any less pleased to see the feds. You see, that large hard object was more 200 grams of heroin! Keys was storing it in a diaper he was wearing.

Your mother was right - always ensure you're wearing clean undergarments when you leave home; certainly don't go out with a diaper full of shit!

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:20 AM | Permalink

Do you remember that story about the woman who got stuck to the toilet after refusing to leave the bathroom for two years? After having sat on the toilet continually for a month, she had sores that would stick to the seat, making it impossible for her to get up. At the time, the sheriff requested that the county attorney charge her boyfriend, Kory McFarren for mistreatment of a dependent adult.

Well, at his court appearance yesterday, McFarren pleaded no contest to mistreating his girlfriend, he also pleaded no contest to an unrelated charge of lewd and lascivious behavior, which stemmed from an incident in March in which he allegedly exposed himself to a minor.

Hell, he was probably just having a pee - after all, he couldn't use the john!

MSNBC

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:45 AM | Permalink

When Luigi Folliero had served one year of a two-year prison sentence, the authorities released him for jail intending for him to serve the second year of his sentence for theft under house arrest.

Unfortunately, poor Luigi just couldn't hack it. After only two days, at home he fled back to the jail, near Naples, Ponte and pleaded to go back in his old cell because he could not stand being at home with his wife.

He told prison officers, "She never stops moaning and nagging."

Well, if he can't do the time, he shouldn't have done the crime, should he. I think he should be sentenced to another 20 years under house arrest; a pretty standard sentence in most marriages.

Ananova

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:31 AM | Permalink

If ever you're in Singapore and have a yen to sniff the armpits of passing women - don't do it! On Friday, a Singapore native who had a thing about sniffing women's armpits was sentenced to 14 years in jail and 18 strokes of the cane. Mind you, he did have previous convictions for sex-offenses and, apparently, he is mentally unstable.

Having spent a blissful 15 months sniffing at the armpits of women he met in lifts, on staircase landings, and in their own homes, the snooping snuffler was finally apprehended when a housewife reported him to the police.

In Singapore, caning on the buttocks is an additional punishment for male criminals who have committed offences ranging from vandalism to illegal possession of drugs and rape.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:16 AM | Permalink

A man in Connecticut found a raw roasting chicken by the roadside on Monday morning. I'm not going to worry myself about why he would be picking up raw roasting chickens from the roadside, it might take me places I don't want to go.

Anyway, back to the chicken. This wasn't any ordinary chicken, this chicken had an interesting extra - a pipe bomb was stuffed inside it. The bomb squad was called and they blew up the chicken with a controlled explosion.

Go figure.

MSNBC

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 07:50 AM | Permalink

Well it was for this unfortunate burglar...

George Watson, the intended victim of the burglary, was having a leisurely bath when he heard a "scream, a roar and a commotion" coming from his back garden. Wrapped only in a towel, he rushed outside to see what was happening, only to see somebody making a quick getaway in a van. Apart from Watson's very agitated three-year-old English mastiff, all that was left behind was a torn t-shirt.

Watson can only assume that the dog, who goes by the name of Cromwell, tore the shirt from the thief's back to stop him stealing the family's lawnmower, which had been taken from the shed and left by the gate.

Cromwell weighs in at just under 22 stones, and he could be the world's heaviest English mastiff. The thief obviously got off lightly.

Daily Mail

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 07:29 AM | Permalink

OR WILL THAT JUST GLAMORIZE THEM?

You wouldn't have classified a three-hole-punch as a lethal weapon, would you? But on Saturday a teenager answered a knock on the door, only to be confronted with two mask-wearing robbers, one of whom was carrying a black gun. The other robber was carrying a three-hole paper puncher.

I suppose the boy was lucky that, as they demanded money, they used the paper punch to beat him with, rather than resort to the gun. Anyway, they got his cash and made off in an unknown direction - I suspect they made off to accounts payable and will send him a receipt.

Sun Sentinel

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:59 AM | Permalink

THIS SHOULD CONVINCE YOU!

Homeless 19 year old Calvin Robinson spent $100 on a color copier and paper to make counterfeit money; he needed the money so he could buy $90 worth of marijuana.

It was on Wednesday last that security officers at a shopping mall noticed a man had been locked in the third-floor bathroom for more than an hour. They got the door open, only to find a color copier sitting on the floor and sheets of paper printed with uncut $10 bills; Robinson said he used the bathroom because he needed somewhere with an electrical outlet.

Robinson made an initial court appearance Thursday in Spokane County District Court, where bail was set at $15,000 - I hope they didn't confiscate that photocopier.

Spokesman Review

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:08 AM | Permalink

From Florida, news that a bank robber "held a gun in a strange manner, even backward during the holdup." Before showing his weapon, the man handed the teller a piece of paper then casually but awkwardly laid his handgun on the counter - pointing towards himself. I suppose that means it was a nug and not a gun.

Local 6

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 05:26 AM | Permalink

When an Iowa man was caught with a 'large quantity' of marijuana, he told police that it was intended for recycling.

Apparently he had several large bags, each of which held at least a 'gallon' of marijuana. Does that mean it comes in linctus form now?

They thought it was shit too, and remanded him on a charge of possession with intent to supply. Bail was set at $14,000.

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 03:41 AM | Permalink

IT'LL FALL OFF IF YOU DON'T LEAVE IT ALONE!!

Kojo Atta jumped from a second floor window in a bid to escape the courthouse last Tuesday.

Attu , a mechanic, stands accused of stealing two mobile phones and threatening the lady owners with a knife.; oh, and of escaping lawful custody. When the time came to explain his escape, Atta reported that the conditions in the prison were not good. In fact, he said, conditions were so bad that his penis had started to rot, which he feels is unfair because, he says, he is innocent.

Mr Richard Asiedu-Badu, the presiding judge, shared his concerns but said his alleged innocence did not give him the ticket to escape from the law and promised to convey his message to the Interior Minister for the prisons to be reformed.

He then sentenced Atta to three months. Could be called a 'soft' sentence, I suppose.

Modern Ghana.

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 03:29 AM | Permalink

Two men ensured they'd be remembered when they disguised their faces with women's thongs before robbing a convenience store. A surveillance video has been released showing the partners in crime; one of them is about 6 feet tall and weighs between 160 and 180 pounds, while his friend is shorter and fatter, weighing in at about 200lbs. He's only about 5'8" tall and also has a tribal tattoo on his left arm .

I think the short, fat one should think again about the thong, they are very unforgiving to the more rotund figure. He'd be better served with a fully fashioned gusset.

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:14 AM | Permalink

In Japan, a man shared his home, and his closet, with a homeless woman for a year without realizing. He only became suspicious when he noticed his food was disappearing. The woman was eventually discovered on Thursday; she was found hiding in the top compartment of the man's closet and was arrested for trespassing.

The woman told police she had no place to live and had initially sneaked into the man's house a year ago when he left it unlocked. During her stay, she had moved a mattress into the small closet space and had even took showers, but the house owner only began to investigate when he realized that food had been disappearing from his kitchen over the past several months.

If she'd moved the TV remote, he'd have kicked up a stink on the day she moved in.

chron.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:06 AM | Permalink

Jose Cruz Salas stole a bracelet from a small girl on Sunday but he was quickly traced by the police. In effort to hide his ill gotten gains, Salas swallowed the gold bracelet.

The police, however, were not to be beaten. Having arranged for an x-ray of Salas stomach contents to ensure that the gold bracelet was where the crook said it was, police arrested him and committed him to jail - where laxatives were administered in order retrieve the evidence.

Salas faces robbery charges, punishable by a fine or a jail term of six months to 15 years - depending on the bracelet's value. Its worth could not be immediately determined; some poor soul will have to attend to that task when nature takes its course. A real case of 'its a dirty job but someone's gotta do it.' I'd hate to be the new boy in that jail this week!

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 05:58 AM | Permalink

To say that the two Australian burglars who broke into a house during a midnight raid in Melbourne were startled is probably something of an understatement.

The burglars broke into the house by way of a window, only to find that they had been upstaged by a group of drug squad officers who were raiding the house in search of drugs. The police officers had entered through the front door at just about the same time the burglars were entering through the back window.

The burglars made a rapid getaway, but were caught a couple of days later and remanded to appear in court.

Ananova

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 05:50 AM | Permalink

In British Columbia yesterday morning, the Royal Mounted Canadian Police once again got their man. Following a 30 minute chase through rush our traffic, the 'crazed, naked, man' was struck by a police SUV, which sent him tumbling over the hood and off the windshield.

The man had been threatening to blow up a bridge, having stolen some coveralls and a white 15-ton truck. He neglected to put on the coveralls but he drove over several police spike belts, made three U-turns on the highway and finally stopped after rolling backward down a hill.

Officials are investigating whether hitting the man with the SUV was intentional or an accident. Oops!

Times Columnist

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 07:49 AM | Permalink

Twenty-three year old Jerry Boston Jr. punched a man at a Marathon gas station and was arrested. The arresting officer was a little taken aback to find 23 packs of Slim Jim beef jerky and "hot sausages" in his pants.

Apparently the sausage loving Boston tried to pay for one sausage but the clerks could clearly see five more sticking out of his pants.

When one of the female clerks tried to call the police, Boston called her a lesbian, telling her to shut up because he had to feed his kids.

Perhaps she just isn't too keen on trouser sausages.

Palm Beach Post

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:33 AM | Permalink

25-year-old Kasey G. Kazee was sentenced to 10 years in prison for a less than successful robbery attempt at a Kentucky liquor store.

Kazee disguised himself by wrapping his head in duct tape, leaving just his eyes and mouth free, then he held up the store, threatening to harm the clerk if she didn't hand over the cash. Not surprisingly, the clerk complied.

Enter the hero! Another employee of the store tackled the duct tape bandit and held onto him until police arrived.

Now, I don't know about you but the thought of ripping duct tape from my face causes an involuntary curling in the toe area. I now know that duct tape doesn't stick to sweat - the police report said that Kazee perspired so much that theh tape just 'fell off.'

MSNBC

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:00 AM | Permalink

A 38-year-old plumber from Japan was arrested on Sunday after making 3,100 hours worth of free calls to a food company's guidance line. The cost to the company was 4 million yen, almost $39,000. Apparently, the man was so turned on by the voice on the automated tape that he phoned it 500 times in a 16 month period.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 04:59 AM | Permalink

or maybe it should be Dumb Justice

The following ad recently appeared on the German eBay site:

"Offering my nearly new baby for sale, as it has gotten too loud. It is a male baby, nearly 28 inches (70 cm) long and can be used either in a baby carrier or a stroller."

The mother insists the ad was a joke, and I have to say I was mildly amused. The authorities, however, have placed the baby into care.

Despite appearing for two-and-a-half hours, and being priced to move at just 1 Euro, no offers were received.

Oh, come on, don't say it has never crossed your mind!

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:02 AM | Permalink

A man was arrested yesterday on suspicion of having sex with a taxi cab. Yes, you did read that right!

According to a report on the self-styled 'website of the Central Coast' Cody Eugene Williams was found wearing only his birthday suit and simulating intercourse on the windshield of a taxi cab. Williams also jumped on three other cars and broke a windshield. The report does not say how he broke the windshield but one suspects he might be rather proud of himself.

Unsurprisingly, Williams was drunk at the time of his arrest, when he was booked and jailed on suspicion of vandalism, indecent exposure and committing a lewd act.

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:49 AM | Permalink

Three Tennessean Teenagers (don't you just love the alliteration there!) have been charged with causing $14,000 worth of damage when they hot-wired golf carts at the Bays Mountain Golf Course. The carts were found scattered across the course, including one in the creek near hole12.

The suspects were located after deputies found a truck belonging to the mother of one of the accused, which had been left at the scene, complete with bolt cutters and gloves. I can't for the life of me work out why the boys would drive to the course and then walk home. But then I can't work out how they managed to cause $14,000 worth of damage either.

Tenessean.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:57 AM | Permalink

A 17-year-old youth, up before the judge on two charges of entering a dwelling with intent and stealing, let his mobile ring with the music of US rapper Akon yesterday. Thing is, he was sitting in the front row of Darwin Magistrates Court when it happened.

It seems that magistrate, Daynor Trigg, can't take the rap; in fact, he became quite irate and sent the boy to the cells for three hours.

When the boy answered the phone Magistrate Trigg shouted, "How dare you answer a phone in court ... that allows transmissions from court ... which is a serious contempt." Thing is, if the boy didn't answer it, it would have continued to make that incessant, appalling noise, wouldn't it!

I think this was what is termed a 'no win situation.'

Northern Territory News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:00 AM | Permalink

Michael Myers (yes, you did read that right, Michael Myers) encouraged a woman to get into his car by impersonating a police officer. He said that she was too drunk to make her own way home and he would give her a ride; to assuage her fears, he showed her a cop badge.

It was only sometime later, after a concerned call to the police by two firefighters who had witnessed the scene, that officers discovered the silver badge in Myers car. It read "Official Boob Inspector, Department of Titillation."

Listen, I wouldn't have needed a badge, once the guy told me he was Michael Myers, I'd have been outta there!

Courier-Journal.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:52 AM | Permalink

In Somerset County, two men have been charged with trying to steal live power lines. The lines were still attached to a transformer and the utility poles. It wasn't just the fact that they disrupted power to area residences for about five hours that shocked them.

Both men were charged on Wednesday, however, only one of them was well enough to attend the hearing.

My Way

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 07:09 AM | Permalink

Well according to New Orleans television station WDSU crime and safety specialist, Howard Robertson, his necklace will match his dress, his nails will be painted, and his wig will be well made.

Robertson was reporting on the recent robbery of a New Orleans Burger King by a man in a dress. Commenting on the CCTV footage showing the robber, wearing a dress with a revealing bust line and hair barrette, as he climbed through the take-out window, he opined: "By looking at the vehicle pull up, we can tell that's a pickup, and if you look at the rims -- you know that's not a Ford or GM."

Boy Wonder then went on to say: "The other thing I wanted to look at was whether he got out the driver's or passenger's door to see if he had an accomplice, somebody who was driving his vehicle when he left. But he got out the driver's side."

He doesn't say whether he worked out that the girl was a guy because of the Whopper beneath his dress.

WMTV

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:51 AM | Permalink

A man has drowned in Orange County after stealing a canoe. Thing is, he was drunk when he stole the craft, which is possibly why he forgot that he was unable to swim. He obviously couldn't canoe!

The report says that the victim drowned in only 4 to 6 ft of water. Why didn't he just stand up?

The dead man is survived by the two friends who were with him at the time but they will not face charges as the owner of the canoe does not wish to prosecute.

Orlando Sentinel

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:51 AM | Permalink

Last week, Joel David Arseneau appeared in a Halifax court on charges of breaching probation and court orders.

As he appeared before Judge Barbara Beach, Arseneau, dropped his pants, exposing his underwear, and asked Judge Barbara if she would like to engage in oral sex. He was hustled away from the court but Judge Beach said that, so long as Arseneau kept his pants on, she was prepared to go ahead with the trial.

Arseneau was duly returned to the court room, but the case was adjourned and the accused was remanded to a correctional facility until Monday. As he left the court Arseneau asked a clerk if she would like to see his genitals. Whether or not the clerk accepted the kind offer is not recorded.

A doctor has since assessed Arseneau and recommended that he undergoes psychiatric assessment. I don't see that an assessment is required, they've already seen he's nuts.

Novia Scotia News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:42 AM | Permalink

On Saturday police in Bismarck, North Dakota, held their annual auction, attracting hundreds of people.

One very dumb criminal was caught red-handed as he attempted to steal a screwdriver set from inside vehicle that was on sale. Unsurprisingly, given that this was a police auction, the man was arrested and searched. Officers found a gold bracelet in his pocket that had also been taken from the sale.

I don't think he's found his niche yet.

Bismarck Tribune

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:35 AM | Permalink

An unnamed woman from Quebec has been arrested and held after 11.5 kilos of cocaine worth $1.4 million were found hidden in packs of cake mix she had shipped from Peru.

What amuses me most about this report is not the stupidity of importing coke in cake boxes (or should that be cake in coke boxes) but the fact that the opening paragraph reads:

Quebec woman is feeling the heat after 12 kilos of cocaine were found in boxes of cake mix being brought into the country through Pearson Airport

But the charge is for 11.5 kilos. Okay guys, who's got the spare half kilo?

Canoe

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:06 AM | Permalink

Michael Geoffrey Linn seemed to be one of a dying breed - a gentleman robber. When he robbed a bank recently, he said to the clerk, "I'm sorry miss, I didn't mean to frighten you but I'm very, very desperate." Ah, what a sweetie!

Having carried out his heist, Linn drove to the river front, where he set light to the clothes he had been wearing. Somebody noticed the fire and called the emergency services. However, construction workers got their first, and they put out the fire using their shovels. They rescued the partly burned clothes and some papers, finding Linn's name and address among the remains.

Linn was arrested but said he had given the money to an associate. Then he started walking and officers were bemused by the crackling sound coming from the area of his butt. Further investigation revealed a roll of bank notes protruding from Linn's anus.

The money is to be destroyed. No shit!

Stuff.co.nz

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:59 AM | Permalink

A woman shopping for a new dress on Sunday was surprised, to say the least, when she saw a mirror appear beneath the door of her fitting room. She opened a door and saw man walking away. The suspect is described as sporting a goatee beard, glasses, and long hair cut into a bowl shape.

No wonder he gets his kicks with mirrors under doors - he doesn't sound the most attractive of characters does he!

Colombia Tribune News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:48 AM | Permalink

A German thief, wanting to take good care of his newly, unlawfully acquired haul of rare coins, took them to the bank for deposit in the vaults. The bank clerk responsible for handling the coins recognized them as the ones that had gone missing from his home three days earlier; they were worth in the region of $80,000.

Police tracked the culprit down from bank information.

Heads you win, tails you lose.

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:17 AM | Permalink

Brian Lee Benefiel got married on Monday; the presiding officer was Spokane County Superior Court Judge Ellen Kalama Clark. Immediately following the ceremony, he pleaded guilty to residential burglary and assault in an incident last year where he hit a man over the head with a hammer, The presiding officer was Spokane County Superior Court Judge Ellen Kalama Clark. He was sentenced to 18 years imprisonment for assault, which is to run concurrently with his life sentence. .

As usual, he will be eligible for parole from his imprisonment in 12 years time. He will not be eligible for parole from his life sentence.

Seattle Times

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:41 AM | Permalink

Police in Dallas stopped a car on Tuesday morning and found an ATM in the back seat. The officers had seen the suspects stealing the cash machine at 2.30 am that morning and followed the car for a block before making the arrest. Apparently, the early morning theft of ATM's is getting to be quite a problem in Dallas.

Well you know how it is, you get to the machine only to realize that you've left your purse at home. Instead of going all the way back home to get it, its much easier to take the machine home - saves that extra journey, you see.

Dallasnews

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:56 AM | Permalink

Escaped convicted killer, Ralph Whitfield Morris, returned to jail of his own volition on Friday. Morris, who had escaped from the minimum security facility in British Columbia's Fraser Valley, said he had been living in the nearby forest but couldn't stand the harsh conditions. He also said that he returned to jail because he realized he had done wrong.

I wonder if his conscience would have pricked him quite so sharply had he escaped to a white sandy beach and warm sunshine.

Canadian Press

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:25 AM | Permalink

In England we have a phrase that is commonly used to describe something that is better than all its competitors; that phrase is "It's the dog's bollocks." The following story gives the phrase a whole new meaning...

A 39 year-old was rushed to hospital in France with his penis sliced off. The emergency services had been called by his 64 year-old girlfriend. She told ambulance men that the dog had chewed off her boyfriend's genitals and eaten them.

The woman has been handed a 12-year jail sentence for castrating her partner while he was unconscious and then blaming her pet dog.

Well, I know we all blame 'gas explosions' on the dog, but I think she's taken it all a step to far here.

Daily Telegraph

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:08 AM | Permalink

An employee at the Royal Mail's Northampton sorting office received a police escort home after turning up for work wearing non-Royal Mail blue shorts. When asked to take unpaid time go home and change into his 'official' shorts, the man refused, so his managers called in the police to escort him from the premises.

A police spokesman confirmed that they had received a call to deal with a Royal Mail employee who was behaving in a disruptive manner.

And the reason the postman wasn't wearing his Royal Mail shorts? The Royal Mail hadn't actually given him any! They have, apparently, now issued him with £30 to buy himself a pair of blue shorts; of course, they won't be Royal Mail issue because you can't buy those in the shops.

Metro

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 12:31 PM | Permalink

EVEN IF IT IS BY ACCIDENT!

In Scotland, prisoner William Whitson found himself outside the walls of Castle Huntly open prison 'by accident.' He was simply running away from another inmate and, whoops, all of a sudden there he was - gone.

Whitson, who was found walking along the dual carriageway towards Perth. was running away from another inmate, who had stabbed him. When he was found he had injuries to his head that required 13 stitches.

The accidental absconder was told by the judge at his hearing, "The court does not approve of someone who leaves prison, but taking into account the fact the circumstances are different I think the appropriate sentence is three months."

Perhaps the assault and robbery that landed him in jail in the first place was an accident too.

BBC

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 12:16 PM | Permalink

...YOU HAVE TWO TO CHOOSE FROM!

John Fowler was released from jail at 3:29 pm. on Sunday, having been arrested by the Highway Patrol for driving while suspended and for operating his vehicle in an unsafe manner.

Two-and-a-half hours later, at about 6 pm, a female jailer, Stephanie Criter, reported the theft of $10 and three credit cards from her purse, which was inside her car. She had seen Fowler standing by her car just after he had been released - in fact, she had spoken to him when he asked her for a cigarette. A short time later, there was a report that a man had tried to use Crites credit card.

The recently released inmate was caught soon after. He was found in possession of three credit cards and a baggie of marijuana. Within a few hours of being released, he was back behind bars.

So, we can forgive Fowler for mistake number one - even though he was thieving even before he left the grounds of the jail, we can put that down to his excitement at being released.

But trying to use a stolen credit card that belongs to the opposite sex - nope, we can't forgive that one!

Durant Daily Democrat

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 12:01 PM | Permalink

BUT THIS TIME IT WAS THE 'HAPPY' COUPLE, NOT THE GUESTS, WHO WERE INVOLVED IN THE PUNCH UP!

David M. Wielechowski, promised to love and honor his new bride,Christa Vattimo, but the couple exchanged blows as well as vows at their wedding on Saturday.

The post-wedding celebrations at the Holiday Inn were strenuous and physical; as they began arguing outside their room, Wielechowski "used a karate-style kick with his leg to kick Christa, knocking her to the floor." The new bride screamed and two guests from another wedding party ran to her aid, but she turned against them and assaulted them. The fight continued on into the elevator, and down into the lobby, where the newlyweds picked up metal planters, complete with plants, and threw them into the elevator at the two would- be rescuers.

The rescuers were rewarded for their concern with cuts, a missing tooth, and a suspected broken thumb.

Damage at the hotel was estimated to be in the region of $1,000. The new Mrs Wielechowski left the celebrations with her father, and Mr Wielechowski left alone. He was sporting a blackened and swollen left eye, tuxedo pants, a bloodied T-shirt and one shoe.

The couple were each charged with simple assault, criminal mischief and disorderly conduct. The bride was also charged with public drunkenness.

Well, they say the first ten years are the worst!

Post Gazette

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 11:23 AM | Permalink

Only one line needed here:

A plane carrying a cargo of 440 lbs of hashish and bound for a private airstrip in Spain, crashed on Friday when the pilot completely missed the airfield and landed in a nearby gully. Two crew members died; one Spanish, the other Moroccan.

Sun Sentinel

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:59 AM | Permalink

Florida grandmother, Dorothy Williams, said that her eight-year grandson "gets very upset and he loves to hit." She's not wrong, the second grade has been arrested for allegedly punching his teacher in the face in an argument over crayons.

Deshawn Williams was cuffed and arrested after leaving his teacher badly bruised. His behavior was so violent, that, when he left school, his wrists were in handcuffs and his teacher was badly bruised. He seemed clueless as to the inappropriateness of his behavior, saying, "I threw the chair over there and then she wants to press charges on me." He couldn't understand what all the fuss was about, after all, he said, he only hit her two times and not in the face, Oh, right, that's okay then, as long as he avoided the face!

Of course, the solution is simple - according to Dorothy anyway, she says, "if she can't deal with him, put him in someone else's classroom. If it's a male, whatever, and let them restrain him." She said the female teacher shouldn't be in that line of work if she couldn't restrain the tiny bully.

I have a problem with the name Dorothy - I always see Judy Garland in her ruby red slippers. I think this Dorothy is more like the Wicked Witch of the West, with the brain power of the Scarecrow.

First Coast News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:20 AM | Permalink

A Louisville man was arrested on Sunday morning after been seen at a gas station, where he was pumping gas into an imaginary car. The gas station clerk had called the police after seeing Joshua L Moore filling up an imaginary vehicle. When police arrived at the gas station, they immediately noticed a whiff of marijuana coming from Moore and, when they searched him, officers found two large bags of marijuana, together with a small amount of ecstasy. The police also say that the mobile phone and the large amount of cash they found on Moore was indicative of drug trafficking.

Nope - the large amount of money came from the fact that he drives an imaginary vehicle - and they cost far less to maintain. Now, if he could just find a source of imaginary fuel, he could avoid fuel tax and save even more money.

Moore, 25, was charged with three counts of trafficking. (that's real trafficking, not imaginary trafficking).

MSNBC

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:01 AM | Permalink

In the Democratic Republic of Congo, West Africa, there has been a rise in the incidence of penis stealing, the trend is growing so rapidly that police have arrested 13 men on charges of using black magic to shrink or steal penises (or should that be penii - I've never experienced more than one penis before!).

It was last week that this spate of willy witching started and radio call-in shows were quickly inundated with callers who advised listeners to beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings. I have no idea what the wearing of a gold ring has to do with nicking somebody's nuts; perhaps its symbollock.

Ten years ago, in Ghana, 12 suspected penis snatchers were beaten to death by an angry mob - or perhaps they were beaten for the gold rings they were all wearing...

So gentlemen: beware of men wearing gold rings when you're out and about. You have been warned...

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:33 AM | Permalink

In Australia, police tasered a naked man who refused to come out of the roof cavity where he had been hiding.

The police responded to a phoned in report of a man jumping a back fence in a residential area. When officers arrived they found a pair of jeans and, when they searched the house, found a naked man hidden in the rafters. The man refused to come down and started to smash the roof in an effort to escape, so the police used their stun gun.

The 23 year old was taken to hospital with minor injuries and has been charged with damaging property, stealing a motor vehicle; breach of bail and two counts of outstanding warrants.

There is no news on the condition of the cavity.

News.com.au

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:54 AM | Permalink

You need some background information for this one:
One of Britain's favorite family dishes is Shepherd's Pie - minced lamb, carrots, and gravy, topped with mashed potato. When I was at school, I was taught to put sliced tomatoes on the top of the potatoes before serving - I went to a very posh all girls grammar school (a very long time ago). Okay, on with the story:

After a day spent drinking, Michael Garvin cooked his brother John a shepherd's pie, for which he expected a grateful response. John, however, was less than impressed - he wanted his dish topped with sliced tomatoes. As a trained chef, Michael disapproved of the sliced tomato topping, feeling it a wholly inappropriate garnish.

The two brothers could not agree on the niceties of shepherd's pie presentation and, to ram home the point that tomatoes were de rigeur, he hit his brother over the head with a shovel. When chef, Michael, still wouldn't concede the point, John threatened to petrol bomb the philistines apartment.

John was arrested and spent the night in the cells of Blackburn police station. At the subsequent court case, he admitted a breach of the peace, fined $400, and was bound over to keep the peace for 12 months.

By the way, in England it seems everybody has an opinion on the topic of shepherd's pie; District Judge Peter Ward told the defendant that, in his view, there was no need for a layer of tomatoes on a shepherd's pie.

Maybe it's a class thing?

Daily Telegraph

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:08 AM | Permalink

...IT WOULD HAVE LASTED LONGER!

In Italy, a man has been given a suspended sentence for staring too hard at a woman who sat in front of him on a train. The man, who is in his 30's, was sentenced to 10 days in prison and a $63 fine after the 55-year old woman filed a complaint for sexual harassment.

The man and woman met twice; the first time, the man sat next to the woman but she felt he had moved too close for comfort. The next day, the man sat in front of the same woman and according to her complaint, stared at her for the whole journey.

I wonder if she ever considered that the man might have been counting her wrinkles.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:29 AM | Permalink

In England, those annoying traffic calming bumps in the road are known as sleeping policeman, but the following story gives a whole new meaning to the phrase!

When the Malaysian police officer broke into the Mercedes Benz car in order to steal its stereo, he was so tanked up on drugs that he fell asleep in the plush seats. He was, of course, arrested.

The rest of the article makes me think that the Malaysian police force must work to their own special agenda - apparently, when the sleeping policeman was arrested, he led police to three other police-linked members of an alleged gang who specialize in break-ins and motorcycle theft.

They've got links with the drugs world too, if the intoxicated sleeping beauty is anything to go by.

CBS

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:59 AM | Permalink

AND IS DISCOVERED TO BE CARRYING METHAMPHETAMINE!

You would think, wouldn't you, that the British presenter of CNN's Business Traveler show would know that New York Central Car Park has a 1am curfew - although he says that he didn't, which is why he was there at 3.40 am on Friday morning. And is why he was arrested.

The unwanted police attention led to the discovery of a plastic bag containing what was believed to be methamphetamine. Quest has been ordered to undergo six months counseling - if he complies, the case will be dismissed.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:49 AM | Permalink

BUT THIS BEATS EM ALL

A teacher accused of viewing pornography on a school computer said he accessed the adult images because he wanted to see if the school district had installed software to block such images.

Now the teacher is suing Cedarburg School District in a $9 million civil rights lawsuit, accusing them of violating his right to free speech in his union activities. The teacher says that he has been unable to get a job since being fired. That of course has nothing to do with the fact that he went into the school on a Sunday, Googled the word 'blonde' and then looked at the resulting images for over a minute.

Of course, he did it all for the wellbeing of the children, and I suppose simply asking if the District had installed software to block the images wouldn't have assured him of getting a truthful answer.

JSonline

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:37 AM | Permalink

Daniel Santos Ramirez left behind his wallet when he checked out of the Wal-Mart store on Sunday afternoon. He also left behind $420 and a pouch containing nine baggies of methamphetamine. However, he was not commenting on the lack of product choice at the store; he was actually on parole for supplying drugs.

When police checked his home they found a shotgun and drug-related items. Mr Ramirez is a very silly boy - even if he is 54 years old - he was due to get off parole this week.

kcra3.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:30 AM | Permalink

In Australia, for the second time today, a nervous criminal threw-up big time outside the post office he robbed. This, of course, left a wonderfully convenient pool of DNA for the cops to play with.

As a result, Ahmed Habib Jalloul, was found guilty of aggravated robbery in the District Court in Adelaide and received a three and a half year sentence, with a non-parole period of one year and four months.

Messenger Community News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:19 AM | Permalink

This dumb criminal is still at large, but whoever it is needs to be found quickly!

In Brisbane, Australia, police have had to evacuate a large area and fire services have been placed on standby after the discovery of military bombs in a recycling plant.

A spokesman said that several military rounds were found when cleaning through dumped items.

Where's Hans Blix when you need him?

news.com.au

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:12 AM | Permalink

Okay, just a word of advice here - if your shipment of marijuana is delivered by cops, something is going on!

On Thursday morning, the Sheboygan County drug enforcement team received a call to say that FedEx were delivering a 2lb package of puff, bound from California. The parcel was intercepted when a police dog was used to sniff it out, then the package was opened to check the contents, and reassembled for delivery to the person named on the address label.

The lucky recipient was Frank Hess, who was arrested after taking the package from the porch. He acknowledged he was expecting the package and said he knew it contained marijuana. Of course, what he should of said was, "Sorry, you just missed Frank, he emigrated yesterday." Still, what do I know.

He faces six years imprisonment for three felony charges: marijuana possession with intent to deliver, maintaining a drug trafficking place and possession of narcotic drugs.

thenorthwestern.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:29 AM | Permalink

DON'T THROW THE BABY AT THOSE SAME SOCIAL WORKERS!

A teenage mother whose newborn baby was taken from her by social workers has been banned from seeing her son after she threw him across the room during a fight with the boy's father. The fight occurred while the parents were visiting the baby, who is currently in foster care, during a session supervised by social workers from Nottingham City Council in England.

According to a report by one of the social workers who was present at the supervised meeting, the father first threw the mobile phone charger at the woman. She then threw it back at him, just missing the head of the baby. She then grabbed the child and forcefully thrust him into a baby bouncer before taking him back into her arms.

When one of the social workers said "give me the baby", she threw the child at her from about 18in away. The social worker observed that she did this "without due care of where he was actually going to land and without supporting his head."

Shortly before the fight, the woman had been ordered by a judge to go on a residential course to assess her abilities as a parent but she had given up after three days. On transferring the hearing to the County Court, the judge said the woman would have to take on board the council's concerns about her behavior.

Hmm, the ball is now in her court, let's hope the baby isn't. A baby in her arms is a lethal weapon; I mean, it must hurt like hell getting hit by a flying baby.

Telegraph

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:16 AM | Permalink

Yu Bohuai, the general manager of a Shanghai chemical company, was arrested last July for selling fake Viagra tablets on the internet.

It is obviously a rising market, Bohuai made a profit of over $8,5000 through 2006/2007 by selling just over 14,000 tablets. On Thursday, he was jailed for two years; let's hope that the penal system doesn't make a hardened criminal out of him.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:05 AM | Permalink

In Colorado, a man created a disturbance at his ex-girlfriend's place of work because he disagreed with her choice of gang for their child.

Joseph Manzanares, 19, was fined $810 following his guilty plea to a charge of disorderly conduct; while arguing with his ex, he knocked over a computer and a magazine stand at the Hollywood Video, wheres his ex-girlfriend works.

The baby's mother says that she had split up with Manzanares, because she disagreed with his ideas on child rearing. When asked to be more specific, the woman said that the problem was caused by the fact that she and her ex boyfriend belonged to different street gangs - they could not agree on which gang the child should belong to.

Didn't somebody called Shakespeare write a play about that very problem?

UPI

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 12:08 PM | Permalink

In Florida, a 43 year old woman has been charged with attacking her estranged husband with a bar of soap.

Cheryl Ann Lunderman broke into her ex-husband's home at about 9.30 one evening last week and went to the bathroom, where her husband was having a shower. She then proceeded to hit him in the face with an unwrapped bar of soap, bruising his right eye. Before their separation, the couple had been together for over twenty years.

Lunderman has been charged with battery, and burglary to an occupied dwelling.

And, at her trial, scheduled for May 16, she'd better not try any of that soft soap stuff on the judge.

tampasbays10

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 11:47 AM | Permalink

mix a "shitload of alcohol" with your antibiotics

That is what Mischa Barton said caused her hospital admission on Memorial Day weekend in 2007. She doesn't say what was the cause behind her three other charges of DUI. However, she has, apparently, agreed to serve three years probation for DUI, which will earn her escape from a marijuana possession charge and help her to avoid jail.

Silly me, I thought she was serving the probation because she had realized the wrongs of her ways. Ah, well...

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 07:15 AM | Permalink

Twenty-seven year old William Singalargh has been arrested in New Zealand for assault with a weapon, after throwing a hedgehog at a fifteen-year old boy.

The boy sustained a large, red welt and several puncture marks. It is not known whether the hedgehog was dead or alive when the incident commenced, but it was dead when it was collected for evidence.

Singalargh faces a maximum penalty of five years in prison.

nzherald

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:27 AM | Permalink

While passing time waiting for the Golden Pantry Convenience Store to empty so that he could burglarize it in peace, Demetrius Robinson filled out a job application form that he found there.

Once the store had emptied, Robinson took out his knife and held up the store but, when he made his getaway, he left the application form behind. The form gave a fictitious address, but it did give Robinson's name and his uncle's phone number.

He'll be managing the place next week, you wait and see.

chron.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:14 AM | Permalink

Poor thing, the snakewas only six months old and it probably saw things that made its eyes pop out as it left the shop. You see, a woman visited Preuss Pets and obviously fell in love with the baby Boa Constrictor, so she put it down her pants and stole it.

She might have enjoyed it more if it had been a Rattler. It brings a flush to my cheeks just thinking about it!

Wilx.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:14 AM | Permalink

He seemed such a nice young man that 59 year old Marketa Vachova invited him to join her with a cup of tea and a piece of cake; this despite the fact that the man's face was hidden by a Spiderman mask and he was demanding money from her with menaces.

Vachova said "I asked him why he was doing this and we got talking. There was no one else in the shop so I guess he relaxed a bit, and in the end he apologized."

Well, despite his apology, Spiderman is facing 10 years for armed robbery - as soon as police catch him. It seems they should just offer him tea and cake, which he is apparently unable to refuse.

Ananova

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 11:15 AM | Permalink

In Palo Alto, California, the robber of Wachovia Bank made an unusual getaway - he was last seen motoring down a nearby street toward a major thoroughfare in his electric wheelchair.. Witnesses say that the man's legs were swathed in bandages, and his right leg was sticking out. Police believe that he may have been hoisted into a white Ford and are undecided whether the wheelchair was a prop or the man is truly disabled.

It hardly matters as to his leg status - he succeeded and, I imagine, he laughed all the way from the bank.

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 11:08 AM | Permalink

In Lake George, New York State, The Lone Bull Pancake & Steak House was a growing business: marijuana growing business that is.

Bruce E. Nelson the owner; his son, Ryan B. Nelson; and the son’s half-brother, Logan H. Doetsch, were all arrested by officers of the Warren County Sheriff’s Office Narcotics Enforcement Unit. Not only did the police find 500 growing cannabis plants, together with the necessary light and heat paraphernalia used to grow the dope, they also found several pounds of the drug all packed up and ready to go.

Oh, they found large quantities of magic mushrooms too!

Bet the mushroom soup was popular!

Post Star

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:47 AM | Permalink

or rather, that's what our loved one's put us in for our last journey.

And it's little facts like this that ruin the best laid plans of some criminals.

In Spain, a would-be burglar alerted neighbors to his presence when he broke into a funeral home and the police were called to investigate. In an effort to evade detection our criminal lay on a table in a glass fronted cabinet and pretended to be dead.

The police weren't fooled though, as a spokesman said, "The custom here is for dead people to be dressed in suits, in nice clothes that look presentable. This guy was in everyday clothes that were wrinkled and dirty."

Oh, and dead people don't breath either - our burglar forgot that little detail too.

Fox News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:34 AM | Permalink

South Carolina authorities report that a man robbed a bank when his check for $173 cash bounced. When the man gave the teller the rubber check on Monday morning, the teller couldn't cash it due to lack of funds in the account. The customer said he had to have the money or else he would be killed. He then wrote a note saying that he was robbing the bank.

The teller handed over some money and then the man ran away. Police have a suspect, but nobody has been arrested.

Hmm - seems like a plan, eh?

chron.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:47 AM | Permalink

Art Price Jr was filmed laying the table, but he was not setting it with knives and forks etc - he was having sex with it!

Price was seen having sex with the table on several occasions before a neighbor filmed him in the act. The table at the mercy of Mr Price's sexual fervor was a picnic table, with a round hole where one would (usually) put the umbrella. It wasn't an umbrella that Price was putting in the hole though...

40 year old Mr Price faces four charges of public indecency. I hope the table is receiving adequate counseling.

Ananova

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:23 AM | Permalink

David F. Vanhousin crashed into a woman's car and 'fled' from th scene. Just a short time later, police received reports about a possibly drunk driver, who was swerving all over the road. A couple of cops on their way home saw the car in question and tucked in behind it to follow the driver home. The car was going at just 10mph when the emergency brake lights went on. The driver didn't stop, so the police, unsuccessfully, tried to stop the car using spike strips. The guy just continued driving and the cops just continued following. By this time, more cops had joined the, er, chase. Eventually, the guy stopped dead in the middle of the road - and then continued to drive again.

Police were ready for him the next time he stopped - an officer just walked up to the car and took the keys from the ignition.

Of course, it was David Vanhousin of the earlier hit and run (or should that be hit and stroll?).

Police found crack cocaine in the vehicle, which had been stolen from the motor repair shop where Vanhousin worked.

Vanhousin faces charges for failing to report an accident, leaving the scene of an accident, driving while impaired and vehicle theft.

Tennessean.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:21 AM | Permalink

Now here's a story about a big, brave man.


Paul Vickers had wife problems - it happens in the best and the worst of marriages and it just happened to be the state of play in the Vickers' marriage. Apparently there was some sort of long running dispute, and Mr Vickers was angry with Mrs Vickers.

So, big brave Paul Vickers shot the cat. Well, you would wouldn't you - the Mrs upsets you, you shoot the bloody cat.

Mr Vickers is being held at the Boulder County Jail on $25,000 bond. He faces charges of felony animal abuse, domestic violence and harassment.

Mrs Vickers will never forgive him.

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:12 AM | Permalink

There was excitement of a very non-British kind at an old people's home in Staffordshire, England, yesterday. Seventy-five year old, Eugene Hide, just had to do something to bring attention to the fact that the home, where he has lived for the three years since his wife died, is closing down. Cue Gunfight at the Rosenheath Rest Home.

The old boy whizzed up and down corridors of the home on his trusty stead, er motorized scooter, brandishing a plastic gun. The emergency services were called and they arrived as a fully tooled up response unit, evacuating all 25 residents of the home.

Eugene was questioned and released without charge. Afterwards he told other residents that he was sorry for "getting a bit excited."

Currently, all is okay at the Corral.

The Sun

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:48 AM | Permalink

In Missouri, a man accidentally killed his wife when he was installing a satellite system. He had tried without success to punch a hole into the wall that would take the cable from the outside dish. In desperation, he used his .22 caliber handgun to make the hole by shooting two rounds into the wall. Unfortunately, his wife was standing on the other side of the wall. She died from her injuries later, and he is looking at a charge of manslaughter.

Bloody men. How many times had she told him to use logic rather than brute force, I wonder.

Daily Mail

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:27 AM | Permalink

An orchard worker who telephoned police to report that he had been raped by a wombat has been sentenced to 75 hours community service.

In the telephone call, Arthur Craddock, aged 48, told police he was being raped by a wombat at his Motueka address, and sought their immediate help. Earlier on the same day, he had telephoned the police communications center threatening that he would 'smash the filth' if they arrived at his home that night.

In a follow up to the rape call, Craddock called police to say, "I'll retract the rape complaint from the wombat, because he's pulled out." He then went on to tell the operator, "Apart from speaking Australian now, I'm pretty all right you know, I didn't hurt my bum at all."

Police prosecutor, Chris Stringer, said that alcohol had played a big part in Craddock's life.

No, really!

Stuff.co.nz

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:13 AM | Permalink

In Scotland, police were called to investigate reports of a man in the street who was wearing underwear that partly exposed his genitals. Turned out he had his thong on back to front. Adults were concerned because it was school-chucking-out time and youngsters were passing the partially clad man.

Police later said that there was no sexual element involved in the display - the guy was just drunk. He is reported to have said, "I was just feeding the birds and if I was wanting to do that I would just go down town and get a whore."

Easy as that eh?

BBC

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:59 AM | Permalink

When 18 year old Ruben Zarate went to rob a store at gunpoint, he was told by the staff that only the manager had access to the safe and he wasn't in the store.

With a flash of brilliance, Zarate came up with a solution to the problem. He gave shop staff his cellphone number and asked them to phone him when the manager arrived. He then left and waited for the staff to call him.

The staff, quite understandably, decided to call 911 instead. Then the police called the robber back on his cellphone to tell him that the manager had arrived with the key to the safe.

Zarate returned to the shop, gun at the ready, only to be shot in the leg by the police. He was charged with three counts of attempted armed robbery and one count of aggravated assault to a police officer, the latter for allegedly pointing a gun at the officer.

WBBM

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 11:02 AM | Permalink

Actually, the characters in this one may well be too young to be called criminals, but they sure are well on their way!

In South Florida, a grandmother is recovering from injuries after one of the five children she was baby-sitting put two aerosol spray cans into the oven and blew up part of the kitchen.

The explosion blew off the oven door and sent flames across the woman's legs, arms and chest. The fire then spread to other parts of the kitchen.

It's not yet clear which child put the cans into the oven or who turned the oven on. The children will be sent to the Broward County's Juvenile Firesetter Prevention and Intervention program to teach them about the dangers of fires and explosives. (I don't think they need any lessons, do you?)

The woman was taken to the hospital with non life-threatening injuries.

Fox news

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 01:12 PM | Permalink

Glenn Irvin Sparling, 65, drove a vehicle into the post office on Sunday but the engine stopped running, so he went home to get another vehicle, this time a red vintage sports care, and drove that vehicle into the post office as well.

A deputy started to give chase when Starling made his first drive thru, and the chase finally ended after his second drive thru.

The wall of the post office now has a hole 8 foot by 8 foot - so if it wasn't a drive thru before, it sure is now!

Apparently, Sparling has a history of damaging post office buildings. He now faces numerous counts, including felony charges of vehicular fleeing, criminal mischief and leaving the scene of an accident with property damage. He is also charged with DWI, and authorities said federal charges are possible.

Yes - but Ravenden Springs now has a drive thru post office - whether they wanted one or not.

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 12:59 PM | Permalink

In Crewe, England, a juror has been discharged from a rape case after visiting the john. He was caught smoking cannabis in crown court toilets. A policeman who was visiting the court became suspicious about the smell of dope coming from the public toilets. Upon investigation, a 46 year old male juror was found smoking a joint and was immediately arrested.

High Times

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:08 AM | Permalink

WELL, IT CAN BE IF YOU DRINK IT BY THE BOX FULL!
A hotel employee called the emergency services Saturday afternoon to report she'd just helped a man who was passed out in the hallway to his room. The woman said the 42-year-old Bremerton man was unconscious in the hallway and smelled "fruity." He had a bag with liquid in it and told her not to call police.

However, the woman did call the police and the attending officer found the man lying on the bed. The man didn't respond to the officer at first and his eyes were half open; by his side was an empty 3 liter box of wine.

Now, get this bit: Medics were called to the room and took the man to the hospital for intoxication.

Why did they take him to the hospital for intoxication, when he was so obviously able to intoxicate himself!

Kitsap Sun

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:01 AM | Permalink

In Sydney, Australia, a man has been caught with more than 800 ecstasy tablets stuffed down the front of his pants. The value of his pant contents was estimated as being Australian $35,000 (about US$ 31,500) - maybe that's one guy whose pants I wouldn't mind getting into. Just for the resale value, you understand.

He was charged with possessing a prohibited drug and supplying a commercial quantity of a prohibited drug. I want to know how big his underpants were!

Sidney Morning Herald

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:51 AM | Permalink

Apparently, Gianna Didiana, aged 17, was extremely upset when Judge Dana McReynolds imposed a $2,000 speeding fine on her. I'd have thought that if she could get to 17 years of age with a name like that, she could deal with anything. Gianna Didiana - it makes me think of the Clapping Song, you remember the one:

3, 6, 9 The goose drank wine
The monkey chew tobacco on the streetcar line
The line broke, the monkey got choked
And they all went to heaven in a little rowboat

It sure is a day for digressing today, back to the speeding fine:

An Illinois State Police trooper was coming off the Geneseo exit onto Interstate 80 eastbound on Jan. 21 when Ms. Didiana drove past the state trooper in a Mercedes Benz at 120mph!

For doing 55mph over the speed limit, Gianna Didiana was fined $2,000, sentenced to 240 hours community service and, get this, had to go to jail for 6 hours.

That's why this is also filed under Dumb Justice - 6 hours, what on earth will that achieve! Should have sent her to heaven in a little rowboat...

Quad Cities Online

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 11:51 AM | Permalink

The owners of a tarot card fortune telling business decided they wanted to maximize their profits, so they convinced folk who bought readings from them that they were under a dreadful curse.

Of course, that curse could only be lifted by submitting themselves to some very expensive counseling - like thousands of dollars-worth.

Maybe they should have read their own future in the cards, perhaps then they would have seen that they were about to be charged with allegedly defrauding their customers.

Tracy Tan is charged with eight felony counts, including theft, forgery and possession of fraudulent identification. Eric Tan is charged with felony possession of fraudulent ID. They were being held at the county jail Monday in lieu of $750,000 bail each. They're scheduled to appear in court April 7.

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:27 AM | Permalink

Some folk have some very strange priorities. Take the shoplifter from Holland, who got away with his swag but left his son behind!

Having stolen a packet of meat, the man made a quick getaway - alone - his poor 12 year old son was left behind in the rush. Rather a large and unmissable piece of evidence, don't you think?

The police managed to contact the thief from information given by the boy, but the father refused to return to collect his son; he told officers to call the boy's mother instead.

Maybe his conscience pricked him - he gave himself up later on the same day.

News.com.au

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:20 AM | Permalink

23-year-old Tony Pelayo is accused of eating marijuana to hide it from the cops.

When officers arrived at Pelayo's home in response to complaints about a loud party, they say they found two marijuana joints, which Pelayo quickly took. When asked by officers to hand them over, Pelayo said he couldn't because he ate the evidence. He then proceeded to show police a leafy green smile.

Pelayo was arrested for destroying evidence. Well, they made a hash of that one, didn't they!

First Twelve News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 12:33 PM | Permalink

A 36 year old man from Adelaide in Australia called police to complain that six men had smashed a window and were breaking into his home. It was 3.30 in the morning. He went on to say that the men were "stealing portions of the plants" that were growing inside the house.

By the time the police attended the scene, the intruders were nowhere to be seen.

Police later returned with a drug warrant and found six cannabis plants growing hydroponically in two rooms of the house.

The house-owner was charged with growing cannabis for sale.

Now, that's what you call a dope!

News.com.au

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:45 AM | Permalink

David John Campbell, 41, of Fort Pierce was seen walking completely naked on northbound U.S. 1 and was apprehended by a deputy at 6 in the morning, just as the school buses were taking to the road. When questioned, Campbell said that he was under the instructions of Jesus, who had told him to take a stroll.

The police, of course, weren't fooled - they could clearly see he's nuts.

TC Palm

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 02:24 PM | Permalink

The lady in this story is not a criminal, just criminally stupid!

The woman, who is unidentified, was clearing out a relatives belongings when she found what appeared to be a hand grenade. In the interests of safety, she took the grenade to the local police station, where she handed it in.

The police station was evacuated while officers waited for the bomb squad to come and take it away. Apparently, the grenade was live. Bomb Squad Supervisor, Lt. James Brandon, reports that, "when we countercharged it, it went boom."

I assume that 'boom' is a technical term.

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:45 AM | Permalink

Matthew Alexander Furness worked as a postman for Britain's Royal Mail before he was found guilty of stealing their postal packages.

When his bosses found an opened package in the postman's work van they became suspicious and set a trap. They planted a wrongly addressed DVD in his bag, which he should have dealt with as a 'mis sort' and sent to another office to deal with. The DVD never reappeared. Then, two months later, they planted wrongly addressed ladies lingerie and waited to see what would happen. A CCTV recording showed Furness turning items over to hide the address before keeping them for himself.

Okay, so the guy nicked a DVD, a bra, and some panties. So what?

Well, when he denied the charges, he was searched for evidence, and found to be wearing the panties - a racy little thong by all accounts.

He is, apparently, receiving counseling for matters in his past.

Dorset Echo

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 12:48 PM | Permalink

Christopher Allen Koch went to the Citizens & Northern Bank in Liberty with the intention of making a withdrawal. He didn't bank with Citizens and Northern - he just wanted to rob them. He arrived in the car park at about 11.40 a.m. and sat in his car in the bank's parking lot for a while. Then, at one minute past twelve exactly, he attempted his robbery. What a pity that the bank closed for the day at noon! Even more of a pity that the employees inside the bank had seen him in his car and taken down the license number.

Police found the vehicle at Koch's home, along with the gun used in the attempt, the ski mask and gloves; theycharged him with criminal attempted robbery and possessing instruments of a crime.

Sorry - can't resist it: what a Koch up!

Star Gazette

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 12:39 PM | Permalink

A Portland teenager has been charged with stealing a pet bunny and trying to extort money from the bunny's owner.

The 17 year old allegedly broke into the apartment of another teen, who apparently owed him $100, and stole his gray pygmy rabbit. The robber then telephoned the rabbit's owner, telling him that unless the debt was paid the bunny would get hurt.

Officers recovered the rabbit in good condition and the young robber faces charges of burglary and theft in connection with the break-in.

However, it appears that they're dealing with more than just a bunny terrorist here; the juvenile also faces charges of robbery, assault and terrorizing following a confrontation in which he allegedly stole another teen's skateboard, backpack and pocket money.

wmtw.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:44 AM | Permalink

Virgine Ujlaky is an Olympic fencer and she was practicing her swordplay when she saw burglar, Pal Nagy clambering in through a window of her house in a posh suburb of Budapest. Obviously, as he didn't stop to ring the doorbell, he was up to no good.

But he chose the wrong house! Just like Zorro, Ujlaky flashed her sword and had the crook pinned against the wall. Then, with the blade against his throat, the swordswoman reached for the phone and called police.

The burglar was arrested 20 minutes later, but he had to be treated for shock.

That's Zorro with a Z (well Ujlaky with a U doesn't have quite the same ring to it, does it).

Ananova

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:34 AM | Permalink

To be honest, I'm not sure if this falls under the heading of dumb criminal or not - although the police are involved and charges are possible. See what you think...

A 35-year-old woman sat on her boyfriend's toilet for so long that her skin grew around the seat! She apparently sat on the loo for two years!

Her boyfriend, who eventually called for assistance, said "She is an adult; she made her own decision. I should have gotten help for her sooner; I admit that. But after a while, you kind of get used to it."

Well, excuse me for being indelicate, but was there no sexual side to this relationship - or did that happen on the toilet too; and what about meal times? I'm afraid I find this all a bit beyond my comprehension.

Boyfriend, Kory McFarren, went on to say "It just kind of happened one day; she went in and had been in there a little while, the next time it was a little longer. Then she got it in her head she was going to stay — like it was a safe place for her." Apparently, the woman moved around in the bathroom during that time; she bathed and changed into the clothes he brought her, and he brought food and water to her. They had conversations and had an otherwise normal relationship — except it all happened in the bathroom.

Nah! I really don't get this!

The county attorney is to decide if any charges should be brought against McFarren. What charges are there, though, that would cover such an event? Okay, he should have gotten help sooner, but imagine a guy standing by you when you refuse to get off the pot or shit!

chron.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 03:01 PM | Permalink

On Monday last, Tauris Maurice Hart was supposed to stand trial for a robbery he committed last November, but he didn't turn up. That was because he was busy robbing a check-cashing business. He was caught a short time after escaping the scene of the crime in a taxi and his trial has been rescheduled.

This is double booking taken to extreme lengths, although I don't suppose you can fault Hart's work ethic.

GreenvileOnline.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 11:16 AM | Permalink

OR REPEAT CUSTOMER BENEFITS?

New York Governor, Eliot Spitzer, has resigned following the national humiliation of being exposed as the customer of a high-priced prostitution ring.

Spitzer made the announcement with his wife by his side, in body if not in spirit. During the interview the couple did not exchange glances or touch each other, even briefly.

Investigators said Tuesday that Spitzer was a repeat customer who spent tens of thousands of dollars — perhaps as much as $80,000 — with the prostitution service over an extended period of time.

It is supposed that Spitzer's own personal wealth went towards the cost of the prostitutes - well, that's okay then, as long as he wasn't spending public money!

An anonymous source tells us that the Governor had been caught spending $4,300 with the Emperors Club VIP call-girl service, with some of the money going toward a night with a prostitute named Kristen, and the rest being put aside for future services rendered.

Isn't it somewhat ironic that Spitzer was known as "Mr Clean" and the "Wall Street Sheriff" - and labeled as a sanctimonious bully.

Don't you just love it when hypocrites get their come uppance?

MSNBC

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:57 AM | Permalink

Marie Robinson, aged 77 from Delaware, was sure that the thief who broke into her house and menacingly demanded her purse knew full well that she had just won the jackpot at the local casino. What he didn't know though, was that Robinson used to be a deputy sheriff - and she fought back good and hard. It is evident that she still knows how to pack a punch because she reports that, after she had taken a swing at the robber, he was bleeding through his mask.

The crook did get away with Robinson's purse - but something else he didn't know was that it had nothing in it. Robinson had become suspicious about three men who followed her home from the casino and hidden her winnings.

That's two jackpots she won in a single day.

6abc

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:12 AM | Permalink

THEN TRIES TO SUE CASINO FOR $20 MILLION BECAUSE THEY BREACHED THEIR DUTY OF CARE!

Arelia Margarita Taveras was ambitious - a high flying lawyer and a television presenter who destressed by going to Atlantic Casinos. Eventually though, the gambling became a source of stress as it spun out of control, and the only way she could finance her addiction was by rifling her clients' accounts.

As the grip of gambling worsened, Taveras would go days at a time at the tables, not eating or sleeping, brushing her teeth with disposable wipes so she didn't have to leave. She says that her losses total about $1 million.

Now she's gambling in a different league - playing with the big boys. She is mounting a $20 million racketeering lawsuit in federal court against six Atlantic City casinos and one in Las Vegas, claiming they had a duty to notice her compulsive gambling problem and cut her off.

Having lost her law practice, her apartment, her parents' home, and got in debt to the IRS to the tune of $58,000, I suppose she feels there is nothing less to lose; she even considered swerving into oncoming traffic to kill herself.

I think it would be far less selfish if she was to jump from a tall building - swerving into oncoming traffic might kill other people too.

CB13

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 11:08 AM | Permalink

In Glasgow, Scotland, James Thomson wanted to inflate his rapidly reducing funds by robbing a bookies, but a bungled performance took the shine off the experience for him.

Thomson robbed the betting shop by hiding a can of furniture polish in a bag and pretending it was a gun. He cleaned up too, getting away with a fair amount of cash. Sadly though, as he fled the scene of the crime, he spilled money from his bags, attracting attention unwanted as he tried to make a getaway in his girlfriend's car.

When police eventually caught up with him, Thomson came clean immediately, confessing "I went into the bookies with a can of Pledge and chanced my arm." He went on to explain, "It wasn't armed robbery. I wasn't aggressive. I'm bankrupt. I needed the cash."

The police weren't moved by his plight though, not even when they discovered that he had already blown £674 of the proceeds at another bookies. Thomson ended up in court, where he admitted assault and robbery at a Ladbroke's shop; he was put on probation for three years and ordered to have therapy for his depression.

Just another shining example of Scottish manhood.

Daily Record

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:51 AM | Permalink

A 37 year old woman, known only as Mrs Wang, has set fire to more than 400 cell phones that were owned by her and her husband. Wang's fury erupted after her husband walked out on their marriage.

The couple had a successful mobile phone outlet and, in despair at her husband's desertion of her, Wang set fire to their entire stock of more than 400 new mobile phones before walking out of the house. The estimated value of the destroyed stock was $42,000.

Wang has been arrested for arson. There's a joke here somewhere about Wang winging the wong number - I'll let you work it out for yourself!

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:38 AM | Permalink

Thalia Logas, aged 80, apparently still likes to get behind the wheel of her automobile. Whether that is a wise move is up for debate!

On Wednesday last, Officer Daniel Snyder responded to a traffic accident at U.S. Highway 441 and Huffstetler Drive in Tavares and, when he got there, he found that Logas had 'improperly changed lanes, striking another car.' Snyder tried to issue Logas a citation for the improper lane change but, after she had refused seven times to sign it, he placed her under arrest.

According to an arrest affidavit, when Snyder tried to place the cuffs on Logas, she punched him several times in the chest and stomach. When the handcuffs were eventually in place, the elderly woman wriggled out of them and threw them from the car window.

Logas was taken to the Lake County Jail on charges of battery on a law enforcement officer, resisting arrest with violence and refusing to sign a traffic citation.

Snyder was unharmed.

As Bette Davis memorably said, old age is no place for sissies!

Orlando Sentinel

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:25 AM | Permalink

Aron Pritchard told a detective he put his girlfriend's children in a clothes dryer because he wanted to show them they could have a good time without much money.

He said that he had been playing with the then 2-year-old girl and 3-year-old boy by rolling them around in a large cardboard barrel that served as a toy box. However, the strain of rolling the barrel made an old injury in his shoulder hurt and he was no longer able to play. Then he noticed that the dryer door was opened, which made him remember playing in an old dryer when he was a child. He said that he stayed at the opening with his hand on the kill switch while the children took turns riding in the machine. But,after about an hour of playing, the dryer heated up and gave the boy second-degree burns.

Apparently, hospital records showed that the boy had suffered repeated broken bones and was noticed to have poor hygiene.

Apparently,on the high settings, the dryer could reach between 240 and 260 degrees with the door closed. Any volunteers to take Pritchard for a bit of a spin? You know, just to show him how to have a good time without spending too much money.

Hutchinson

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 11:39 AM | Permalink

Heidi Wisniewski, for making the punishment fit the crime.

Adam Clark, the son of Heidi Wisniewski, was pulled over for driving at 107 mph in a 55-mph zone. The police were not happy but it took a mom to really punish the boy.

For the next month, morning and evening, Clark will be standing outside of school carrying a sign that reads:

I was STUPID. I drove over 100 mph and got caught. Thank God! I could have killed me and my friends

The police couldn't have done any better.

11Alive.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:12 AM | Permalink

Officers investigating a burglary from a convenience store in Roseburg, Oregon, didn't have to work too hard to solve the crime; in fact, the crime sort of solved itself.

Earlier on the day of the robbery, two guys in cowboy garb offered the sheriff's deputies doughnuts, which (as all good officers would) they declined. However, when they went to investigate the burglary, theyfound that the missing items were cigarettes, candy, chewing gum, and doughnuts. To make their crime detecting even easier, there were cowboy boot footprints on the floor of the store.

Adam Hancock and his cousin, Vincent Whitely, were sentenced on theft and burglary charges. Hancock's attorney reported that his client had mental disabilities and was "easily led." Hancock told the judge he'd been drinking whiskey before the burglary and vowed to make restitution of $895.

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:35 AM | Permalink

Richard Schmidt, who has served on the Chicago police force for two years, now faces felony aggravated battery charges for allegedly striking two Forest Park officers as well as a paramedic. A $10,000 bond has been set.

Forest Park police responded to a call on Saturday night and were confronted by the sight of Schmidt jumping in the air and landing on tables with his back, purposely breaking them in the process. The officers arrested Schmidt for criminal damage to property. However, when the table-crusher arrived at the station he resisted instructions, elbowed an officer in the face, and attacked a sergeant. He then spat blood at a paramedic, before hitting him. At some stage in all of this activity, police used a taser to subdue the young officer.

Schmidt has been relieved of his police powers, and an investigation by the Independent Police Review Authority is pending,

Whatever happened to the philosophy behind the saying an officer and a gentleman?

Chicago Sun Times

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:17 AM | Permalink

Michael Hurst, from Birmingham (England, not Alabama!) is accused of breach of the peace under the Harassment Act of 1997. His crime? Allegedly using Facebook to harass ex-girlfriend Sophie Sladden. Hurst has pleaded not guilty and was granted conditional bail to stand charge later this month.

Hurst and Sladden's Facebook accounts have been deleted from the site.

In my day, to poke somebody had a totally different connotation!

The Register

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:04 AM | Permalink

Two Boston-area moms are being summoned to court after they got into a fistfight at Chuck E. Cheese when one woman's son "hogged" an arcade game from the other's 9-year-old birthday boy. Both women will be charged with simple assault and battery after they started shouting and scuffling at the birthday celebrations.

Apparently, things were so violent that police got a number of 911 calls and, when they responded, found one of the women with red marks on her upper chest.

More Chuck E. Punch than Chuck E. Cheese

MetroWest Daily News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:28 AM | Permalink

After being caught in a compromising act with a vacuum cleaner, a building contractor came up with a novel excuse - he was, he says, just cleaning his underpants.

The man, who worked at Great Ormond Street Children's Hospital in London, was supposed to be locking up the the building site where his firm is refurbishing administration offices. A stunned security guard stumbled upon him, finding him in the middle of a compromising act with the cleaner, Henry, which has a large smiley face painted on its front and a hose protruding from its "nose".

When later questioned by his employers, the man, who is Polish, said he was vacuuming his underpants, which is, apparently, "a common practice in Poland". In his defense, the blurb on Henry the Hoover's website does say that he's ready to go time and time again.

The Telegraph

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:26 AM | Permalink

Charles Morrison came home drunk and belligerent so, quite understandably, his teenage stepdaughter tried to eject him from the house. Morrison was not going to go easily: he cut telephone wires, punched holes in the wall, and manhandled the young girl. Eventually though, the girl succeeded in pushing her stepfather through the back door. Morrison wasn't done yet, however - he threw a garden gnome back in through the window.

The gnome hit the stepdaughter and caused a cut above her eye. Morrison was jailed on $25,000 bond, charged with aggravated assault, simple assault and harassment.

I wouldn't be surprised if Morrison now has gnome home to go to.

thepittsburghchannel.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:16 AM | Permalink

The 59 year old women was waiting patiently at a bus stop when she was assaulted by Justin John Boudin. He apparently yelled at the woman to show him some respect then, when she got out her mobile phone to call the police, he hit her around the face. An elderly gentleman tried to help the woman but Boudin hit him with a blue folder. Possibly realizing that he was in trouble, Boudin dropped the folder and ran from the scene.

Police found him because his name was in the folder - along with homework that he had completed for his anger management class.

Kentuck.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:03 AM | Permalink

Forget fake Cartier watches and designer perfumes, the latest fake designer accessory is a fake sports car - a Ferrari sports car. It only comes in one color, of course, Ferrari Red. Well it did, until the fifteen-person ring building them were rumbled.

The fake Ferrari team were, according to the police, very able, cobbling together their bargain basement merchandise using body parts from other makes of automobiles, such as chassis, roofs, hoods, trunks and doors. The parts were modified to look like out of production Ferrari classics and were sold for a fraction of the cost of the real thing. There's no question of 'dodgy dealing' - punters knew they were buying fake merchandise.

Police confiscated 21 cars, 14 of which had already been sold, and seven in production in Sicilian garages.

Hell - I want one!

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:54 AM | Permalink

Scots teenager, Steve Marshall, has narrowly escaped being put on the sex offenders list after having simulated sex with the sidewalk.

Apparently, Marshall's arthritis medication is not totally compatible with drinking alcohol - as he graphically found out. Not only did he take down his pants and thrust at the sidewalk, he also performed what is described as 'a vile sex act' in front of a female taxi driver.

At Selkirk Sheriff's Court, Sheriff Drummond decided that Marshall's display was not sexually motivated and, therefore, he was not put on the sex offenders register; instead the sidewalk-thruster admitted a charge of public indecency for which he got 12 months probation.

The Sun

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:36 AM | Permalink

Damian H. Dancy led police on a 20-minute pursuit after officers stopped him for driving a vehicle with no license plates and for blocking traffic. He said that he was unsure what to do when he saw an officer approaching with what looked like a gun, so he tried to drive to his aunt’s house. "I wasn’t trying to run or nothing," he claims.

When police eventually caught up with Dancy, he was arrested on suspicion of resisting arrest and possession of drug paraphernalia.

Dancy has now been identified as a suspect in a shooting that took place on December 16th.

Where's auntie when you need her?

columbiatribune

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:22 AM | Permalink

AND IF YOU SPOT A GROUP OF BIKERS, THEN BACK OUT QUIETLY..

The machete wielding masked bandits who burst into the Regents Park Sporting Club in Sydney, obviously hadn't thought things through properly. As they ordered the occupants of the bar to lie down on the floor they failed to notice the 50 bikers in the next room.

President of the Southern Cross Cruiser Club, Jerry 'Jester' van Cornewal. said, 'Fifty of us jumped out of our seats and raced out to the main bar.'

In an effort to escape, one of the robbers charged through a locked glass door, leapt off a 16ft balcony and ran through a bowling green, while the other ran through an exit behind the bar. The bikers tied up one of the men and waited for police to arrive. Police soon also located the second robber nearby. A 20-year-old man and a 16-year-old were charged with attempted robbery.

The final word must go to Club founder, Noel 'Bear' Mannix, who said, 'It was very hard to see the expression on their faces because of the balaclavas, but I imagine it was something along lines of "Oh s***, what have we done here?"'

Ananova

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:11 AM | Permalink

PARTICULARLY IF YOU'RE A ROBBER AND THE PERSON YOU WANT TO DATE IS THE PERSON YOU ROBBED.

In Genoa, Bruno Perez went into the post office and forced Lucia Marcelo to hand over the money at gun point but afterwards he just couldn't help thinking about her. So the next day he used some of the money he had stolen to buy Lucia a large bouquet of flowers, and then returned to the post office where he apologized and asked her for a date.

The attraction obviously wasn't mutual because Lucia kept him talking while she activated the silent panic alarm connected to the police station. The poor romantic fool was arrested minutes later.

Ah, the path of true love ne'er did run smooth.

Ananova

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:18 AM | Permalink

You get an extra one today, because the last post wasn't really legal was it.

You know how when you're drunk you sometimes just gotta pee? Well, just check your location carefully before you do. On Friday afternoon last, a man chose the wrong building and ended up in jail.

Front desk staff at the Appleton Police Department called for an officer shortly after 4 p.m. Friday when a 40-year-old man began urinating in front of the police station. He was issued a citation for public urination and, since he was on probation, he was placed in jail for violating his probation.

Bet he got his shoes wet as well - he was 4 times over the legal limit.

Appleton Post-Crescent

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:09 AM | Permalink

BUT IF YOU'RE SENSIBLE, THE FIRST THING YOU DO IS MAKE SURE YOUR BOSS IS NOT AROUND TO SEE YOUR BRAVERY!

Ian Wilkinson was flying a 230-ton 777-300ER on its maiden flight when he decided to liven things up a little. He had just flown the 365-seater jet from Boeing's plant in Seattle, Washington, when he wheeled it around and careered over the airstrip at 280 knots with his landing gear raised. The stunt was impressive; when the plane landed in Hong Kong there were congratulations all round. Unfortunately, the chairman of his employer, Cathay Pacific, was on board the plane to experience Wilkinson's Top Gun moment. To make matters worse, when his VIP passengers saw a video of the stunt on YouTube (it's been taken down so don't rush off!) they were horrified at just how low the plane actually flew over the runway.

As a result Wilkinson has been fired from his $500,000-a-year post as Senior Pilot for Cathay Pacific's Boeing 777 fleet.

So what's the legal link here? He's considering an appeal (and it was such a joyous story that I couldn't resist!)

The Sun

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:56 AM | Permalink

April Smith got drunk - after that, it all turned into a rather manic Sunday.

Smith's boyfriend had to summon the help of the police when she jumped on him and ripped his tee shirt from his body . He knew that the passion his girlfriend was expressing wasn't lust when she tried to choke him and then bit him so hard on the leg that the imprints of her teeth were clearly visible some time later. When the poor lamb initially tried to phone for help, Smith pulled the cord from the wall, meaning that her boyfriend had to use his cell phone to summon the assistance he needed.

If you're gonna be a sado, you should link up with a masochist, otherwise it just doesn't work.

April Smith was arrested and charged with domestic violence and obstructing the report of a crime. She was issued bail conditions not to have contact with the man nor return to the residence, and not to use alcohol.

Hmm - that just about covers all options. She'll just have to eat chocolate and get her kicks that way.

The Maine Edge

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 11:28 AM | Permalink

OOPS SORRY - ONLY ONE IN THIS STORY

(if you aren't up on Gilbert and Sullivan's Mikado - you should be!)

A Japanese man who turned up at a high school dressed in a girls' uniform and long wig was arrested for trespassing this week. He was pushing it a bit - he was 39 years old! He had purchased the uniform over the internet and put it on to take a little stroll around the school . However, when the students standing outside the gates started to scream at the sight of him, he dashed inside the school grounds. Apparently he thought he might be able to blend in with the crowds of teenagers. As the man fled, he lost his wig. He was arrested by police after being stopped by a pursuing school clerk.

And just in case you don't know your Gilbert & Sullivan - this is the verse that immediately sprang to mind:

Three little maids from school are we,
Pert as a school-girl well can be,
Filled to the brim with girlish glee,
Three little maids from school

Nobody, but nobody, is still pert at 39 years old.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 11:17 AM | Permalink

It was in July of last year that Peter Adamson, former Lord Mayor of Darwin, was found guilty of stealing from the council $2758 in goods and gift vouchers. Last week, he lost his appeal against that verdict.

What is intriguing about Adamson, is what he bought with his ill-gotten gains: items included a refrigerator, women's underwear, hair dye, and a Darth Vader voice distorter.

Impressive, most impressive - we underestimate the power of the Dark Side!

News.com.au

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:44 AM | Permalink

Kevin Fraser must be particularly stupid. He threatened to shoot a woman, and then taped knives to his hands and armed himself with a fire extinguisher in order to fend off the police.

Fraser had obviously never heard of tasers. He knows all about them now. having been on the receiving end of one before his arrest and transport to the Orange County Jail.

Fraser was tasered - has quite a good buzz to it, doesn't it. Or, what about Edward Dumbhands?

Local6.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:34 AM | Permalink

This one is both funny and tragic.

Ivan Segedin had a thing about wearing a seat belt when he was driving; quite a big thing actually - he was fined 32 times between February 2003 and July 2007 for not wearing one. To get the traffic cops off his back, he mocked up a pretend seatbelt - a long strap had been knotted above the seatbelt on the driver's side, providing a belt to simply sit over his shoulder and thus fool observers that he was safely strapped in to his vehicle.

He found out the hard way that it didn't work. Segedin was killed in July last year when his car crossed the road and collided head-on with an oncoming vehicle. It is supreme irony that wearing a seat belt may well have saved his life - his fatal injuries were caused when he was thrown forward on to the steering wheel in a low-impact crash.

Mostly, you live and learn. Unfortunately for poor old Ivan, he died because he refused to learn. Ah well...

Stuff.co.nz

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:21 AM | Permalink

Kyeisha Fuller was awaiting arraignment Wednesday on charges of assault and weapon possession.

Well, the guy she stabbed did call her ugly during an argument - there was absolutely no need for him to stoop to that level, no matter how heated the argument!

Foxnews.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:19 AM | Permalink

A man charged with indecent exposure says it was an accident caused by his shirt getting stuck in his zipper. Yeah, right!

Apparently the man, who usually goes commando, got his shirt tail caught in the zipper and that "when he tried to put it back" it was too late.

He was fined $465 and told by the judge to "get pants with a zipper that works or start wearing drawers."

Quite, either that or stop flashing your dick.

UPI

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:12 AM | Permalink

In Korea a man has been held for questioning yesterday following a the report of a fire at his flat in Seoul. Following their attendance, police were called and the man was detained on suspicion of cooking his landlady's pet chihuahua.

The accused was drunk, stony broke, and apparently hungry. As he was searing the dog, he accidentally set fire to his clothes.

Stupid man - everybody knows its the dachshund that is the sausage dog; the chihuahua wasn't designed to go in a bun. Mind you, if he'd put it in a slow cooker, he might have got away with it.

news.com.au

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:50 AM | Permalink

NOW HERE'S THE MERCEDES URINAL.

Well, it would have been here but the guy who was building it has been arrested.

In Taiwan, Wang Chi-sheng, is suspected of stealing a urinal sensor, which he said he planned to use to modify a Mercedes Benz car. Taiwanese police confess to laughing when they heard of Wang's plans to use the sensors to test out his latest improvement designs for the luxury motor.

According to Taiwan Mercedes' technicians department, Wang is not only stupid - he is dangerous too. They caution that his plans could lead to creating an electric current that leads to the engine, which would cause it to ignite and possibly even explode.

You have been warned Sir - put that urinal sensor down!

The China Post

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:04 AM | Permalink

In Kentucky, burglar Rodney McMillen has made an exhibition of himself - literally. Not content with just breaking into a family home, he did so wearing a thong (backwards) and video taped himself in the act. To help police find him, he thoughtfully left some footage of his family on the end of the tape, and left the recording behind when he made off with his spoils.

McMillen was discovered hiding out at his mother's house and charged with first degree burglary.

Metro UK

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:56 AM | Permalink

When Thomas Ballard finally killed all the baddies on his video game, he called up his buddy and triumphantly crowed, "I've killed them all."

It was a wrong number. The worried receiver of the call, who had Ballard's number on caller id, reported her concerns to the police and they, quite understandably, turned up at the triumphant gamer's home in force.

After searching his home to ensure no one had been murdered on the scene, police found a 5-year-old warrant from Baton Rouge for failure to appear on a possession of cocaine charge. Poor Ballard is now at the Richland Parish Detention Center awaiting extradition to Baton Rouge.

Ah well, you can't win 'em all.

The News Star

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:18 AM | Permalink

In Sweden, police responded to a call about a man masturbating in a stairwell. On arrival, they arrested the, erm manual laborer, and sat him in the back of the cruiser. But the man apparently just couldn't help himself (or, rather, he couldn't stop helping himself) and he continued with his staff meeting unabated.

During the roughly 40 minute drive back to the station in the neighboring town of Nässjö, the man continued to feel his way around, prompting police to check their records for other cases of incessant self-gratification. They found that the guy habitually held his own in local churches and public places.

Good job he wasn't in Indonesia. The punishment for roughing up the suspect there is decapitation.

The Local

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:38 AM | Permalink

In Cameron, Texas, last week, police confiscated a toilet in a drug investigation. Desperate to get to the bottom of the story, they ripped the toilet up from the floor and then dug out the sewer line. They were flushed with success when they found bags of cocaine. The theory is that Frank Earl Evans, 32, of Cameron, had flushed the bags down the toilet when police arrived to search his house.

Evans is probably also feeling a little flushed and hot under the collar - but not with success - he has been charged with tampering with physical evidence and escape causing bodily injury charges. Apparently an officer suffered a knee injury during a scuffle with him.

Bond was set at $55,000 for Evans, who is jailed in Milam County.

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:12 AM | Permalink

Jeffrey Daniel Lucas, used to be a police officer with the Thunderbolt Police and, later, with the Rincon Police but, for undisclosed reasons, he left the force in January last year and is "no longer employed as a police officer in any jurisdiction.." according to Statesboro Police Chief Stan York.

Lucas, however, seemed to have forgotten that his days as a police officer were over. Responding to a call last week, Statesboro Police officers were told that Lucas flashed his badge and identified himself as a policeman before groping a woman. He had also engaged in inappropriate touching of a female and had detained a female as he searched through her wallet to verify her age and identity.

Mind you, looking at his photograph (follow the link below) I'm not surprised he had to resort to illegal means to get some female physical contact.

The ex-policeman has been charged with impersonating a police officer, false imprisonment, sexual battery, theft by receiving stolen property and public intoxication, He is being held in Bulloch County Jail, without bond.

statesboro herald

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:23 AM | Permalink

In recent months, thousands of pounds in cash, gems and other valuables have been stolen from travelers on long-distance coach journeys. The thieves achieve their remarkable success rate by sneaking dwarves into the luggage holds in sports bags. Once inside the coach, they slip out from their hiding place and rifle through passengers' belongings. When they've got their haul, they sneak back into their hiding place and come out again when the coach reaches its destination, passing their spoils onto the 'big' boss.

A spokesman for Swebus, one of the targeted coach companies, said, "We have had reports about several thefts by dwarves on the stretch between Vasteras and Stockholm."

Send in the dogs, I say, that'll sniff 'em out.

Telegraph

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:20 AM | Permalink

don't stop off at the bank first!

Two German guys, Johann Maier, 20, and Walter Brey, 22, dressed up as bank robbers for a fancy dress party but, as you do, they went into their bank to draw out some money first. They were spotted by a passer by, who took note of their registration number and then called the police.

The boys were found two hours later at a disco. Apparently, they will now be required to foot the bill for the police operation.

What is it they say about the German sense of humor? Oh, that's it, they don't have one.

Ananova

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:10 AM | Permalink

In England Hannah Wozniak has been charged with wasting emergency services time and making threatening phone calls after calling 999 (911) to demand a man for sexual services. It wasn't just the emergency services she called either, her total of 700 calls also included telephone pleas to the local army headquarters and the town council. In my experience, the town council won't even come round to unblock my pipes, let alone fill the bloody things!

The poor, frustrated woman even told the emergency services that she would happily start a fire if it meant that a hunky fireman would come round and have sex with her afterwards.

See, I suppose it all depends on your definition of 'emergency.'

Wozniak faces a year in jail - she's not gonna get much there either is she!

The Sun

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 11:44 AM | Permalink

After a power black out that affected 795 customers in Derbyshire, England, engineers found a hacksaw embedded in a live 11,000 voltage cable. By its side was a lit blowtorch. The way things were left suggests that whoever had been holding the hacksaw made a quick getaway - disappeared in a puff of smoke perhaps.

A public service organization, Crimestoppers, is offering a $200 reward. I imagine that the culprit will have spiky hair and will be able to illuminate light bulbs just like Uncle Festus did, just by putting them in his mouth.

BBC

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:01 AM | Permalink

Michael Thomas Isaacson faced a year in the county jail when he pleaded guilty to unarmed robbery but, instead, he asked to be sent to prison. He said he thought time in prison would help in his rehabilitation. So the judge sentenced him to 17 months to 15 years in state prison, with a recommendation for a psychological evaluation and counseling.

There's nowt so strange as criminals.

6abc.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:45 AM | Permalink

Or should that be POTTY OF WOODSVILLE?

19 year old Kristian Allen from Pottsville in Pennsylvania convinced a 15-year-old girl that he was part werewolf and part vampire - and then sexually assaulted her. To prove that he was what he said he was, he showed the police his canine teeth and seemed unperturbed when an officer told him that all mammals possessed them. Well he's got no worries anyway because he says he has a guardian dragon to protect him from evildoers.

It would be funny, except the girl believed him, and said he was her boyfriend.

Carl remains free on $25,000 unsecured bail - that's nice to know, isn't it?

chron.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:37 AM | Permalink

but being caught driving under the influence of alcohol three times within five hours is just plain stupid!

However, that is exactly what happened to a 23-year old woman from Brisbane, Australia. Her first capture was at just gone 6 a.m., which was followed by another police stop at 7 a.m., and the same again at 10.00 a.m. - when she was finally arrested.

Perhaps she should take to lying in bed in the mornings.

news.com.au

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:21 AM | Permalink

In England, a man has been arrested for exposing his genitals in the vegetable aisle of a large supermarket.

Richard Stofer got out his meat and two veg at Tesco (Fresh and Save in the US) in Eastbourne - a store where he actually used to work. He paraded his wares to former colleagues, who immediately called the police. Apparently, they always thought he was a bit weird anyway.

Stofer's defense was that he had unintentionally exposed his bits due to the design of his underwear. He must have been wearing the same shorts back in 2005 when he was given a five-year Antisocial behavior order for exposing himself - one of a string of similar incidents.

Warning, if you see a pink zucchini - don't pick it up.

metro.co.uk

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:39 AM | Permalink

The timing couldn't have been worse for James Edward Bridges to attempt to rob a gas station - because one of the other customers just happened to be an off-duty jailer.

As Bridges stepped behind the counter, shoved the clerk out of the way, and started taking bank notes from the cash register, the off-duty jailer went into action and whacked the robber upside the head with a six-pack of beer. Then another customer helped the jailer pin Bridges to the floor.

Bridges didn't give in easily though. When police arrived he resisted arrest, kicking and fighting, which resulted in a charge of a battery on an officer – in addition to a felony count of robbery.

The robber had to take a detour to the hospital on his way to jail - for medical attention to the cut on his head caused by the beer bottles.

That beer certainly went to his head.

KTVB.COM

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:15 AM | Permalink

In Germany, a 50 year old man has been charged with causing the death of his wife - by sitting on her. During an argument, the 280lb man sat on his wife's chest for at least two minutes, breaking 18 of her ribs in the process. The woman died less than a month later from her injuries. In his defense, the man said that he had fallen onto his wife as he tried to drag her to another room (oh, that's okay then!) but that was disproved by forensic evidence.

metro.co.uk

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:14 AM | Permalink

According to prosecutors, Edward Trevor Aldridge, 47, was so incensed by the behavior of the man standing at the next urinal, that he punched him - twice. Apparently, Aldridge formed the impression that his victim did not comply with the urinal etiquette of keeping his gaze firmly fixed in front of him. To add insult to injury, the victim didn't just look, he also, allegedly, smirked. Aldridge was enraged and lashed out - he got 50 hours community service for his trouble.

See - you can look at another guy's penis but, whatever you do, don't smirk!

metro.co.uk

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:04 AM | Permalink

Twenty year old Pierre Lynch of Washington, D.C. was found to be hiding fifteen bags of crack cocaine in his butt. Police had gone to his home because they suspected that he had been involved in dealing drugs.

Lynch was charged with possession with the intent to distribute crack cocaine, possession of crack cocaine, possession of drug paraphernalia, obstructing and hindering and making a false statement to police officers. Well, I don't know about the rest of the charges but he was certainly obstructing.

Fox

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:19 AM | Permalink

When police responded to calls about a 'one-car crash' on Saturday a guy with no shirt and his pants unzipped was running away from the scene; when police caught up with the man, Matthew Justin Clark, they found he was drunk. On returning to the vehicle, police then questioned Katie Ann Stewart, who said she had been the driver of the vehicle - despite the fact that witnesses had clearly seen Clark behind the wheel.

The couple were taken to the police station, where the penalties for DUI were explained to Stewart - who immediately changed her story. She told officers that she had been performing oral sex on Clark at the time of the crash. Rather belatedly, she was instructed by Clark to shut her mouth.

Strangely - the two were put into a cell together, where Clark was repeatedly heard to try to talk Stewart into taking the blame.

Oh, and when officers searched Clark, they found a Viagra pill in his pocket! If he'd already taken one, that would account for those unzipped pants. It'll take forever to go down!

All together now - fellatios a jolly good fellow!

Charleston Daily Mail

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:46 AM | Permalink

A man who broke into an empty house in Malaysia, helped himself to cookies from the kitchen before going to sleep in a child's bedroom. He was discovered by the owners of the house when they returned from a shopping trip. He woke up when roused by police and later tested positive for drugs.

What happened to him afterwards is not reported but I don't suppose he is living happily after.

chron.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:33 AM | Permalink

..no, p'raps not!

In Florida, grandmother Henrietta Corvin Daise, was arrested at the end of last week for keeping cocaine in her bra.

Grandma apparently hid the drug in her bra during a raid at or near her home. Eight people were arrested during the raid, some of whom were Daise's grandchildren. The County Sheriff's Office said deputies conducted a search warrant on her home and found Daise with powder cocaine stuffed in her bra. Deputies also found 20 crack cocaine rocks, four grams of powder cocaine, marijuana and $1,000 in cash.

Mmm, a case of keep sniffing the Daise's!

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:26 AM | Permalink

if you intend to mug somebody, don't give them access to weapons to fight back!

In Missouri, two purse snatchers took on more than they bargained for when they tried to snatch the purses of two women shoppers. The women were unloading their groceries when the two would be thieves attempted to snatch their purses from the cart. These women, however, weren't the pushover their assailants believed them to be! One of the women grabbed a shovel from the suspects' pickup and smacked one of the men upside the head. The other woman jumped into the cab and attacked the other suspect, then grabbed the keys so he couldn't drive away.

The guy with the head wound needed to have it stapled shut and both of them were jailed, charged with robbery.

The phrase 'hoisted by their own petard' springs to mind!

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:16 AM | Permalink

British cop, David Mayes, has been banned from driving after he took both hands off the steering wheel to give a thumbs-up to a speed camera. He was answering a 911 call at the time. Just to make sure he got his point across, PC Mayes repeated the performance just over an hour later on a second emergency call.

He posed twice to the same camera in a 40mph built-up area, the first time driving at 68mph and the second, 73mph. He was not breaking any laws as far as speed was concerned - the police are authorized to go at that speed when answering emergency calls. His ban was for "conduct (that) fell well below what we and the public expect.." The crux of the matter is that the policeman had both hands off the wheel for a couple of seconds.

In sentencing, Judge Entwistle told Mayes, "Such behaviour from a policeman, to whom we should be able to look up and respect, only increases the already floundering respect with which the public perceive the police."

Nope. The floundering respect is based on police taking up their time with piddling stuff like this while real
criminals go uncaught and unpunished.

Mayes now faces misconduct proceedings.

To see photographic evidence of Mayes dreadful misconduct, click here

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:17 AM | Permalink

You would think, wouldn't you, that if you were out on your rounds at night, delivering high-grade marijuana, you would make sure that you did nothing to attract attention to yourself. You certainly wouldn't drive round in the dark with your lights off.

Not so Gerardo Santana of El Paso. He was driving a rental truck that contained nearly 200 one-pound bricks of compressed marijuana with a street value of $450,000, when he was stopped by police because he didn't have his lights on. He is now in custody, charged with possession with the intent to deliver marijuana, driving on a revoked license and driving without headlights when required.

To paraphrase the old saying - the lights are out and no one's at home.

Chicago Sun Times

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:53 AM | Permalink

In Mesquite, Texas, a woman made up a false report against a police officer in order to get some sympathy (no I don't understand the logic of that one either!).

Shelby Knight-Lacey originally told police a man wearing a blue uniform ,with no patches or badges, and driving a white sedan with flashing red and blue lights on the dashboard, pulled her over and ordered her to get out of the car. When she didn't follow the man's instructions, he reached through the window and stunned her with a cattle prod.

A review of film from the area's security cameras showed no evidence to support her claims. Having been 'found out' in her lie, Knight-Lacey told police that "she had been arguing with her husband about money and made up the whole story to get sympathy."

With an imagination like that she should be writing story books.

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 04:45 AM | Permalink

In England a jogger has been injured by a frozen candy bar.

The man was running along a main road in South Shields when an occupant of a passing car threw a rock-hard Mars bar at him. Police said the car then turned round, drove back past the shocked jogger, and its occupants threw another object at him before driving off.

The man suffered from a swollen ankle and an enforced break to his slimming campaign.

The Shields Gazette

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 04:32 AM | Permalink

A Washington man who had paid a prostitute up-front for her services got a bit worried when she walked towards the door before any 'action' had taken place. So he attacked her (well it obviously seemed the logical next step to him). During the tussle, the man bit off a quarter-sized piece of the woman's ear, which he later threw in his garbage bin.

It turned out that the hooker was simply trying to get a better signal on her phone. Authorities retrieved the piece of ear from the garbage but doctors are not sure if they will be able to reattach it.

I hope she charged extra for having her ears nibbled.

NewsDaily

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 11:05 AM | Permalink

There's been a whole rash of drunks in charge of motor mowers lately - and here's another, this time from Michigan.

Frank Kozumplik had drunk two bottles of wine and fancied a drop more, so he rode to the nearest liquor store on his lawnmower, despite the snowstorm that meant he had to stick to the center of the street. When police caught up with him, Kozumplik was homeward bound, having bought four more bottles of wine. When questioned he told police that he had no choice other than to use the mower, as his wife had taken the car to work

With a blood alcohol level 2 1/2 times Michigan's legal driving limit of 0.08 percent, police had no choice but to arrest him and confiscate the mower.

The things some folk will do to get out of mowing the lawn.

Chron.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:56 AM | Permalink

When McMinn County Sheriff's Deputy Rick Shadrick spotted a car parked in the church parking lot early one Saturday morning, he pulled in to check it out.

He found Jennifer Hunt, 35, walking from behind the building, where she said she was going to bathroom. As she went off to her car to retrieve her ID, a crowbar dropped from her pants. Deputy Shadrick also discovered that Hunt had a screwdriver and that there were marks around the church doors - doesn't look good, does it? That's what the deputy thought too and Hunt was held on $2,000 bond pending arraignment.

Pity the culprit wasn't a man - then I could have used the old 'or are you pleased to see me line.' Ah well, never mind.

Yahoo

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:47 AM | Permalink

Twenty-year old Andreous Robinson was at a party with a group of friends when he decided to go out back and shoot a few rounds into the air. Thinking that he had discharged all the rounds, Mr Robinson then came back inside and, as a joke, put the gun to his head and pulled the trigger.

He hadn't discharged all the rounds.

Mr Robinson was pronounced dead on arrival at Parkland Memorial Hospital.

Okay, so Robinson wasn't a criminal but crime was involved in a similar incident that took place on the previous day: four men were involved in drinking and taking crack cocaine when one of the men accidentally shot dead another of the men.

At least Mr Robinson can rest in peace in the knowledge that Jesus loves him more than he will know, wo, wo, wo.

God rest you, please, Mr Robinson.

Dallas News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:25 AM | Permalink

From England:

When Geoffrey Jones rejected the advances of his 'on/off' girlfriend she took it hard. So hard, in fact, that she grabbed hold of his left testicle, pulled it off and tried to swallow it. Unable to swallow it, she spat the testicle out, whereupon it was picked up off the floor by a mutual friend and given back to the original owner with the immortal words, "that's yours."

The girlfriend, Amanda Monti, was jailed for two-and-a-half years. At 24 years of age she should have known better anyway; nice girls do not swallow.

Daily Telegraph

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:05 AM | Permalink

Now for somebody who obviously hasn't thought things through!

Bishop Metropolitan Isaiah, bishop for the Northwest region of the Greek Orthodox Archdiocese of America, had parked his car in a well-lit spot before dining with others at a restaurant. Leaving the restaurant at 10 o'clock, Bishop Isaiah was upset to discover that the windows to his car had been smashed and the contents stolen.

Items taken included: a copy of the New Testament,; a veil; a cell phone; a black fabric bag - and a jeweled crown of gold and silver, which Isaiah estimated to be worth between $6,000 and $10,000.

Isaiah said the crown was the first gift he received as a bishop, 22 years ago, and that he felt lost without it.
At Vespers, Saturday night, he was the only priest with no head covering.

Don't let poor Bishop Isaiah suffer any more than necessary. If you are offered a jeweled crown of gold and silver, just think of that poor, crownless, bishop and report it - no matter how well it would go with your business suit.

Oh - and there's a $1,000 reward.

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:58 AM | Permalink

The internet has made the life of freelancers much easier; one no longer needs to phone countless companies or produce expensive mail outs, instead the peripatetic worker goes to one of the online job boards and 'bids' on those jobs that match his skill-set.

Now though, it seems that these job boards have eased the life of contract-killers too!

When Ann Marie Linscott, 49, posted her freelance requirements on Craigslist she wasn't specific about what the job entailed. Imagine the shock of the successful applicants when they received the name and work address of a woman she wanted dead!

Linscott allegedly asked respondents to "eradicate a female living in Oroville, California," and supplied information about the intended victim, including her physical description, age and employment address.

Following the November ad posting, she twice offered payment of $5,000 upon completion of "the eradication task."

It was the successful candidates who reported Linscott to the authorities. Well, I don't blame them - $5,000 isn't much, even by the bottom-dollar standards of online freelance agencies.

CB5,cm

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:45 AM | Permalink

Channel Monae Gasking, a twenty-two year old would-be bank robber, was arrested on Wednesday after a passing police officer saw her waiting at for a bus. She matched the description of a robbery suspect and she was arrested.

Gasking went into a bank shortly after 1 p.m. on Wednesday and demanded money, although she did not show a weapon. When she had been given the bag of cash, she ran across a parking lot to a restaurant, where a dye bomb exploded, spraying orange-colored ink on her and the money.

Determined not to be thwarted, the girl left the restaurant and went into the bathroom of a nearby grocery store, where she changed into a clean set of clothes, stashing the orange ones plus the money there. Then she went and waited for her bus.

Apparently, Gaskin had done this before - she admitted that on Jan. 15, she robbed a bank in DeKalb County and then got on a bus.

Maybe she should have invested her profits from that raid in a car.

Comcast

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:05 AM | Permalink

In the sedate English market town of Market Rasen, forty-three year old Shirley Kirkman decided to make her feelings about the police known and she did so in a very impressive manner!

She pulled her knickers down and defecated in the back of the police van that had been sent to cart her to Lincoln police station following her assault on a police officer. Police officer Steven Lingard said: "We switched on the extractor fan and she was picking up her feces and putting it in the vents. This continued all the way to custody. At one point she stood up and urinated on the floor as well."

Kirkman, who didn't show for her court appearance was convicted, in her absence, with assaulting a police officer and causing criminal damage.

Her punishment for causing such a stink is likely to be a fine of around $600.

thisislincolnshire

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:51 AM | Permalink

Just a friendly word of warning here guys - if you must flash your wedding tackle to passing female motorists, make sure they're not driving a cop car first.

James Wayne Pritchard, aged 20, didn't bother to check when, in an attempt to impress his mates, he flashed his privates at an oncoming car, which just happened to be driven by an on-duty female police officer.

She can't have been very impressed because she busted him. He ended up being fined $450 and ordered he pay $130 court costs. Bet his mates were impressed with that.

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:45 AM | Permalink

Salt Lake City detective, Dan Wendelboth, received the following unusual text message

"I have 10 Lortab 7.5"

Wendelboth replied to the text, asking for a price, together with instructions for a time and place when he could buy the medication - a prescription painkiller.

Carrie Brooker, 27, Christine Rollins, 42, and one other female, were arrested in a Wal-Mart parking lot when they arrived to sell their wares. One of the woman was busted for carrying the Lortabs and another was arrested for prescription forgery. Sadly, a two-year-old who was with one of the women is now in protective custody.

When they sent their spam, these women should have thought of the subtext. (sorry, couldn't resist).

NewsDaily

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:30 AM | Permalink

In Brazil human hair is, apparently, a valuable commodity, and the longer the hair the higher the value, so the Brazilian woman who had been growing her hair for twenty years shouldn't have been surprised that there was literally a price on her head. Cutting it off with a machete was, perhaps, a tad over the top, though.

The woman was walking to church when she was assaulted late on Tuesday; the robbers cut her hair above the shoulder with the idea of selling it to be fashioned into a wig. A police spokesman said, "a hairpiece that size could cost you as much as $555." The now short-haired woman told police she had received anonymous threats. She was not injured, but her assailants could be charged with battery if caught.

She should count herself lucky that her assailants were so accurate with that machete.

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:12 AM | Permalink

Good grief, dumb rappers appear to be out for wold domination today.

An even more stupidly named rapper, Busta Rhymes, pleaded guilty on Wednesday to: assault, two driving infractions, and weapons possession. By entering a guilty plea he managed to avoid a trial and the yearlong prison sentence recommended by prosecutors.

Now, get this, Busta Rhymes' real name is Trevor Smith!

Despite his dumb name, Trev may not be so dumb after all because as well as that sneaky guilty plea he also groveled to the judge by saying: "I just want to say that I'm very grateful to the judge, I'm very grateful to the system. I believe in the system. It hasn't failed me personally yet." This from the guy who beat up a fan.

Perhaps this should be in the Dumb Justice section instead.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:05 AM | Permalink

No, that's not the sweet cry of a loving husband to his wife as he comes home from a day's work it's possibly the final words that 46-year-old Jose Estrada heard before he died.

You see, Estrada was in jail, sharing his cell with 19-year-old Benny Rochelle. Benny was, apparently, a growing lad who needed his food; when he suspected Estrada had stolen his Honey Bun snack, he sent his cell mate crashing headfirst onto the concrete floor. Estrada died two days later and Rochelle was convicted of second degree murder.

I wonder if, in defense, Rochelle pleaded 'tell 'em about the hunny, mummy.'

thestar.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:46 AM | Permalink

A pair of thieves who plotted to get away with $30,000 ended up with a bag of bread rolls instead - and, as if that wasn't enough, one of the pair shot the other one, before using his keys to try and open a door to the wrong car.

Guess what they blamed it on? That's right, drugs. Oh, yeah - and a difficult childhood, and financial pressures.

They forgot to mention plain stupidity.

news.com.au

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 11:48 AM | Permalink

Derrick Logan Dale has been charged with grand theft and criminal mischief but none of it's his fault - you see he has been caught in a loop. Literally.

Charged with stealing a $200 purse that contained a $400 cell phone and a $300 pair of prescription sunglasses, Dale's response was that the strap of the purse fell onto his foot and when he turned around it went with him. The next thing he knew, the purse was in his hands and he was being approached by two men who took the purse from him.

Not one to make things easy for himself, while Dale was sitting in the patrol car the deputy went to get statements from witnesses. While he was gone, Dale kicked out the back window. He's claustrophobic you see.

North West Florida Daily News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:51 AM | Permalink

A Berlin burglar may have given up his wicked ways for good after an experience he had last week.

He broke into a flat, but when he stumbled upon a corpse he had a fit of conscience and phoned the police. He said that he had just broken into a flat and found a dead body, gave the address of the flat, and then hung up. The deceased had probably been dead for a couple of weeks, so I suspect it smelled a bit in there. Whatever - the burglar hasn't been heard of since.

Not the sweet smell of success he had hoped for.

Metro.co.uk

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:38 AM | Permalink

When a woman realized her house was being burgled, she hid in the cupboard to make a whispered emergency call to the police. The last thing she expected was company, especially the company she actually got!

As the three robbers searched the house for valuables, they actually searched the cupboard in which the woman was hiding, hitting her boots and skirts in attempt to find something of value. They didn't look up to see that the boots they were hitting were being worn by the occupier of the cupboard!

Then the police arrived, and one of the would-be robbers decided to remain in the cupboard to avoid detection.

"He was just standing right next to me. I could have put my arms around him," said the victim. When the police were near, she screamed out and all three robbers were caught and are to be charged with aggravated robbery.

You never know who you'll meet in the closet nowadays, do you.

KUTV.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:29 AM | Permalink

Kiwi, Richard Gunn, found a novel way to beat his driving ban for being DUI, he started to use his lawnmower to get round the town instead. With a top speed of 5mph, it wasn't a wonderful mode of transport and Gunn often found himself being overtaken by cyclists. Still, it was better than walking.

Better than walking, that is, until Gunn was once again caught DUI - this time he was drunk in charge of his lawnmower. Gunn is scheduled to appear in court later this week, facing charges of careless driving, driving while disqualified and driving with excess breath alcohol. If convicted, he faces a custodial sentence.

What's really cut him down to size though is the fact that police have impounded his lawn mower for 28 days.

Metro

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:58 AM | Permalink

Blake Leak struck lucky when he stole a whole load of lottery tickets from a Minimart - a few of them actually won! He cashed in the tickets but, obviously deciding that the Minimart was lucky for him, he broke in again a few days later.

That's where his luck ran out. He made so much noise burglarizing the place that a neighbor called police - who chased him into nearby Sing Sing.

Yes, that's right, straight into the correctional facility.

Go to jail. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200 - and you don't have a Get Out of Jail Free card either.

LoHud.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:52 AM | Permalink

You know, women just hate it when men refuse to argue - we get all uptight and frustrated. That is exactly what happened when 51-year-old Gayle Winfrey's boyfriend point blank refused to wake up and join in the argument. How thoughtless! Our Gayle got her own back though - by torching her sleeping lover's car; her piece de resistance, however, was when, having set the fire, she walked into the home and told old sleepy head that he might want to go get some marshmallows. Way to go Gale, I like it!

That dozy boyfriend of hers still refused to wake up though, leaving Gale to try and extinguish the fire alone. by that time the flames had really taken hold and the Fire Service had to assist.

Ms Winfrey was charged with Reckless Endangerment and Setting Fire to Personal Property, and then transported to the county jail for booking.

Surely, she will get off on the grounds of serious provocation?

Chattanooga TN

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:49 AM | Permalink

A man shot himself in the groin as he was robbing a convenience store, I assume it was an accident.

The man was carrying a semiautomatic handgun when he entered the Village Pantry last Tuesday and demanded cash and a pack of cigarettes. The clerk wasn't going in for heroics, so she put the cash in the bag and turned to get the cigarettes. That was when she heard the gun discharge.

The security video shows the man shooting himself as he placed the gun into the waistband of his pants and, a short time later, 25 year-old Derick Kosch was found to have a gunshot wound to his right testicle and lower left leg. He is expected to need hospital surgery. Oh, and he will be charged with armed robbery.

I wonder if he'll ever have the balls to try it again?

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:41 AM | Permalink

These are only sort of dumb criminals - we've all been in similar situations ('cept I, for one, haven't wielded a pistol!)

Police in Utah are on the look out for two men who stole beer, after not being allowed to pay for it. The two guys walked into the grocery store, picked up the beer and went to pay for it. As it was after 1 a.m. the clerk refused to sell it to them. So, I imagine in frustration, the men asked if they could steal the beer. The clerk's reply? "Yes, but Jesus is watching." The pair showed a pistol to the clerk, left $9 on the counter, and took the beer.

Now - they probably shouldn't have shown the pistol but, hell, they paid for the stuff. If they're caught, they stand to be charged with armed robbery.

P'raps Jesus had his eye on someone else at the time - I sorta hope so.

NewsDaily

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:24 AM | Permalink

In Manila, aviation police found 34 marijuana cigarettes in a man's underpants. The 55 year old, from Japan, said that he just wanted to experience smoking marijuana when he returned to Japan and had no intention of selling the drug. Sadly for him, the aviation police force weren't convinced with his tale and prevented him from flying. Then they turned him over to Philippine Drug Enforcement Agency officers for further investigation.

Well, on this occasion at least, the man didn't get high!

Earth Times

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:18 AM | Permalink

Ronald LaPlaca of Port Charlotte appeared in court on drug charges last week - nothing unusual in that, happens every day of the week.

Ah! But the sheer stupidity of LaPlaca is far from ordinary - I mean, come on, if you're up on drug charges, you appear before the judge clean, sober, and looking like an upright citizen. Not LaPlaca, he was so drunk and stoned that he could barely stand upright. Then, to make matters worse, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a baggy. Surprise, surprise - it was filled with crack cocaine, together with $4000 in cash.

Silly boy.

Wink News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:14 AM | Permalink

If this bank robber wanted to draw attention to himself, then carrying a bouquet of pink flowers was a good move. However, what bank robber wants to draw attention to themselves?

Oh, he was wearing a fur-lined military parka as well! No distinguishing details to this guy then.

The man approached a teller at the TCF Bank last week and, along with the flowers, he was carrying a black canvas bag - and gun. When he demanded money, his breath apparently stank of alcohol.

I know exactly what's happened here - the guy's gone out after work and had a drink or two and has bought the bouquet to pacify 'her indoors.' Now, flowers will get most women to forgive most things - but bank robbery? Nope.

Startribune

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:06 AM | Permalink

A 19 year old who had been banned from carrying ammunition was found to be hiding it in his rectum when he was pulled over by the police.

In the vehicle itself the police found - wait for it - crack cocaine and marijuana. My bet is that the boy was so stoned on marijuana that he inserted the bullets into his rectum instead of the cocaine.

The boy has been charged with possession of crack cocaine, numerous breaches of bail conditions and carrying ammunition when prohibited. A 51 year old man who was traveling with him has also been charged and police are looking for a third man. Perhaps they should investigate the 51 year old's rectum?

TheSpec.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:38 AM | Permalink

A 51 year old Honolulu man has been arrested for spray painting a police officer - after she tried to arrest him for spray painting a road.

The man had been spotted spray painting a roadway in front of a shopping center and a female officer tried to stop him, which was when he sprayed her with gold paint.

He was eventually subdued with pepper spray.

Lot's of spraying going on around here, maybe its a religious revival, you know, let us pray.

KITV

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:29 AM | Permalink

In New Zealand, a drunken young guy thought it would be fun to play policeman. So, he put on a stolen high-viz jacket and set up a checkpoint. Sounds like a good game. Unfortunately, there was a small error of judgment when our inebriated friend attempted to breath test the driver of a marked police car.

Ah well, it probably seemed like a good idea the time.

For more dumb New Zealand criminals follow the link:

Kiwi criminals no masterminds

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:22 AM | Permalink

An inmate who twice escaped from the Pueblo County jail filed a federal lawsuit Thursday, alleging that guards abused him and didn't do enough to stop him from breaking out.

The lawsuit, which seeks an unspecified amount of money, claims authorities "did next to nothing to ensure that the jail was secure and that the Plaintiff could not escape." Reading between the lines I suspect that what Scott Anthony Gomez, Jr. (the escapee) is really saying is that, if he wasn't subjected to abuse, he wouldn't try so hard to escape.

That's where the Dumb Justice tag comes in.

But, Gomez, who claims that that guards have sprayed him with pepper spray, shot him with a stun gun, and beaten and kicked him without provocation, needs to get realistic here. With this history, it is highly likely that guards will take an almost failsafe move to prevent another escape - by breaking both of his legs.

The Denver Channel

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:33 AM | Permalink

Twenty-year-old Stephen West was due to appear in court for alleged breach of license conditions, when really he should be appearing on charges of extreme stupidity.

As he walked through security checks at Wigan Magistrates Court, West pulled a lump of cannabis resin from his pocket and asked security officers what he should do with it while he went into the hearing. The very bemused officers advised that West's cannabis be left with them for safe-keeping; not only did West agree to this course of action, he even signed his name on a receipt that confirmed that he was the owner of the dope.

West pleaded guilty to possession of the Class C drug and was fined $100 and ordered to pay $96 court costs.

Do you think that's why it's called dope?!

Wigan News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:57 AM | Permalink

which is more than can be said for the cycle wheels on the park bike trail at Laguna Park, California.

Warren John Wilson faces a single felony count of vandalism after making nearly 50 holes measuring about 1 foot by 2 feet on the trail as revenge for almost being run over by a mountain bike rider. He tried to obscure several holes from cyclists and some riders went over their handlebars after hitting them, but no major injuries were reported.

Maybe the felon should be renamed Warring John Wilson. I certainly wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of him!

My Way

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:47 AM | Permalink

Two former jail inmates were back behind bars again on Sunday after allegedly robbing two banks last month for bail money to get a third inmate out of jail. The scheme was briefly successful, netting the pair $10,000 - enough to get their buddy released.

Sadly for the trio, released man, Kenyon Grady Cox, broke the terms of his bail by removing his monitoring device, resulting in a warrant being issued for his arrest. Fugitive officers spotted Cox, together with bank robbers Thomas Leon Jochum Junior and Donald Mark Scott leaving a pawn shop. Leon and Scott were arrested but Cox escaped, only to be arrested a short while later.

Either Jochum or Scott confessed to police they had robbed a bank in Saginaw on Dec. 20 and another in Blue Mound on Dec. 22. and a pellet gun found at the scene of the pawn shop arrest was not unlike the one that was used in the robberies.

As court records show that all three of these men were facing sex charges, I don't think that the bank robberies had anything whatsoever to do with friendship. More likely, the two have worked out that robbers have a much easier time in jail than pedophiles. Quite right too.

KWTX

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:10 AM | Permalink

It wasn't Judith Law's most prudent action when she invited Circuit Judge Diane Goodstein to kiss her butt, even though the Judge wasn't present at the time. In September 2005, Law admitted violating her probation, which resulted in Goodstein reinstating the five-year sentence.

When signing the probation revocation order, Law's frustration caused her to tell the judge what she could kiss. Under normal circumstances the document would not go back to the judge, but when this one did and Judge Goodstein ordered a hearing. Law was found in contempt and sentenced to 90 days on top of her remaining sentence.

Law challenged the ruling, saying the contemptuous behavior did not happen in the Judge's presence, but the appeals court responded to Law's challenge thus: "No matter where Law signed the revocation order, her conduct was in the presence of the judge."

Oh dear - It seems that, in the case, Law really was an ass!

Chron.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:18 AM | Permalink

This one from England:

Feeling a bit peckish, Amber McCarthy decided to grab one of those small boxes of cereal from the bar of the hotel where she was staying before she went about her daily business. Unfortunately, her daily business involved stealing cash from the register of the florist shop next door to the hotel. As she stole the cash, McCarthy accidentally scattered the cereal, thus creating a perfect trail from the scene of the crime back to her hotel room.

When police followed the trail they found McCarthy herself, along with cash and flowers - she admitted the burglary and three others and got a three-year supervision order.

She should have got porridge.

The Sun

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:42 AM | Permalink

An 18-year-old new driver took on more than he could chew when he tried to involve the driver of a Chevrolet Impala in a race. The Impala had tinted windows, which may be why the boy didn't noticed the uniformed police officer at the wheel, although I'm inclined to think that the real reason was that he was too busy acting tough.

The Impala was an unmarked police car and the young driver tried repeatedly to get the uniformed officer to race, not allowing him to pass and traveling at higher and higher speeds. When the speed reached 160 km/ph, the officer stopped the youth out of concern for his safety.

The officer said, "He was playing tough guy until he got stopped. Then he cried until his parents got there." The young man’s license has been suspended and the car impounded for a week.

The car was, in fact, his parents' new car, so I suspect they gave him something to cry about!

The Star

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:54 AM | Permalink

I hear that in Idaho Falls there is a thief of very little brain indeed. On a stolen videotape, our handkerchief-wearing thief taped message for his victim: pay a $3,000 ransom, and you can get your video games back. There was just one problem. The burglar forgot to include any instructions for dropping off the cash.

Well, actually, there was more than one problem. The other problem was that, although the message had been recorded back in November, the victim only got round to watching the entire tape last week. The original content of the tape was the birth of the woman's child, part of which has now been over-recorded. Imagine the horror of seeing a handkerchief wearing moron appearing between your legs, rather than the longed-for baby!

The burglar stole the woman's video games, a compact disc player, camera equipment, clothing and a video camera. What he really needs to steal, of course, is a brain.

Seattlepi.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:23 AM | Permalink

Dylan Sczechowicz, 22, was charged with disorderly conduct and public drunkenness after getting stuck in a kitchen vent.

Keen to continue celebrating after being thrown out of a bar on Monday night, Sczechowicz attempted to re-enter via a greasy kitchen vent. To help in his endeavors, he stripped from the waist down. I'm not too sure what assistance partial stripping would have been and it seems I'm right to doubt its efficacy - our New Year reveler got stuck half-way in (or half-way out, I suppose). It was several hours before a screaming Sczechowicz was found; he was freed by local firefighters.

Pantless and covered in cooking grease, it's a wonder nobody stuffed an apple up his bum and roasted him for New Year's Day dinner.

Pocono Record

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:00 AM | Permalink

When Perry Campbell's mother-in-law asked him to move his beer so that she could see the television screen, he got angry; very angry. So angry, in fact, that he bit her finger. She suffered minor injuries - and she called the police.

I suspect he washed the taste from his mouth with another swig of beer.

wet.mtv

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:19 AM | Permalink

In British pantomimes, which are staged in virtually every town and village over the festive period, it is traditional for the villain to be 'betrayed' by the children in the audience. To do this, whenever the villain appears on the stage, the children try to tell the good guy where he is by shouting out his location - most frequently, the shout will be "He's Behind You!"

The villain in our next story could have done with a group of children telling him where the good guy was.

Would-be-robber Adam Grennan didn't notice the uniformed police officer standing behind him in the queue for the teller - a uniformed officer who was about to draw his weapon and place Grennan under arrest.

In fact, Grennan was so focused on his imminent crime that he didn't even notice that the police officer was actually talking about him, saying, "he doesn't realize I'm behind him, he's focused on actually getting the money."

The police officer was actually on a break at the time but was alerted to Grennan's suspicious behavior by the assistant manager. When the officer arrived in the lobby, Grennan had passed over his note over to the teller, who handed over a stack of bills before saying, "He's trying to rob me."

Ah, nothing like a good pantomime at Christmastime!

UPI

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:24 AM | Permalink

James Miller is a burglary suspect who planned to escape with the help of his girlfriend; he is also a kiss-and-tell merchant.

He may well have planned a great escape but we will never know - because he forgot a crucial factor in the planning process. He laid optimistic plans to escape during his court appearance by getting his girlfriend to pass him a handcuff key either during a hug or kiss. The girlfriend was complicit in these plans - which were discussed over the phone.

On admission to the jail, inmates are warned that telephone conversations are private. Which bit of that sentence do you think Miller misunderstood?

Miller was being held on an original charge of heroin possession and was a suspect in several store burglaries; he has now additionally been charged with attempted escape and conspiracy. His girlfriend, Theresa Fougere, was arrested on charges of attempting to aid a felon to escape; during the interview, she gave the key to police.

One should never kiss and tell!

On another note, maybe this should be Dumb Justice - how the hell did she get that key?

Chron.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:11 AM | Permalink

Persistently unlucky Ernesto Ponce is a man who obviously doesn't learn from his mistakes, no matter how recent they are. The 19 year old stole three vehicles in the space of a couple of hours but never got further than the nearest police station.

Ponce (what an unfortunate name!) had to switch the first vehicle, a 2005 GMC pickup, when the tires blew. Undaunted, he then allegedly took a 1998 Subaru Legacy that was parked in a driveway - yet another bad choice because, after only 15 minutes, the Subaru's engine overheated and burst into flames.

Enter the Good Samaritan, who was driving past in his 2007 Dodge pickup. Not one to ignore a man in trouble, Jeff Herbert pulled over to help. Ponce metaphorically kicked Herbert in the teeth by stealing his car, only to have his getaway tires ripped to shreds five minutes later by the spike strips set out by police officers.

Two tires were flattened and the stolen Dodge slid into a ditch, allowing officers to take Ponce into custody. The suspect was lodged at the Douglas County Jail on charges of unauthorized use of a vehicle, first-degree criminal mischief and reckless driving.

Winston Police Chief Scott Gugel suggests that Ponce was "just trying to trade up on stolen cars."

Well, in trying to pick up a free ride, Ponce lost his Legacy and couldn't Dodge jail.

News Review

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:30 AM | Permalink

A carjacker took on more than he bargained for when he tried to steal a ride in Tracy Hancock's car. Hancock had left her mother in the car while she went to buy provisions at a convenience store. Seeing his opportunity, the carjacker got into the car, telling Hancock's mother, Pat Wells, that he needed a ride. However, grandmother of eight Wells was no pushover! For the first minute or so of her ordeal, there was a power struggle as the stranger put the key into the ignition and she took it out again but, eventually, the carjacker managed to start the car.

Grandma Wells says she knew she was in for the ride of her life as the man floored the gas and drove off in a dangerous manner; she said, "I turned the key off, grabbed the wheel and tried to go over the embankment to try to keep him from going on the interstate." But the man kept going until Grandma offered him $40 to stop, which worked like a charm.

Then, in a coup de gras, Grandma Wells pulled a pen from her purse, saying, "Look, if you do don't stop this car and get out I am going to stab you in the eye with this ink pen and I'm serious'' Crisis over, the man simply got out of the car.

Unfortunately, the man escaped - I would have loved to hear his side of the story.

Finally, no matter how I've tried to resist, it simply has to be said, the pen is mightier than the sword!

News4jax

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:01 AM | Permalink

In China, a woman came home to find a stranger wedged in her window and called the police. Now, Chinese police are obviously on the ball because they immediately concluded that the man stuck in the window must have been attempting to break into the house. So, they freed him - and then they arrested him.

The 26 year old man told police that he could no longer bear his manual job and had learned how to pry open doors and windows so he could break into houses. Methinks he should stick to doors.

China Daily

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:16 AM | Permalink

This story seems to be six of one and half-dozen of the other, so I'll leave it up to you to decide.

Six members of a family were arrested in an incident that began, benignly enough, over a pair of droopy jeans. Frantz Leger, aged 20, had returned to a mall where he was banned for violating its "Rules of Common Courtesy" back in August. His 'crime' was wearing his pants too low - something we've looked at before on this blog. Unbeknown to Leger, his return to the mall was a violation of that ban. Okay - simple so far, eh? But, this is where it all gets a bit silly...

Frantz Leger was with his parents, his sister and two cousins - all of whom attempted to stop the deputies arresting Frantz. The upshot of their resistance was that an estimated 20 deputies, two canine units and a police helicopter swarmed the area surrounding the mall's food court, and shutting down roads.

Now the Leger family say that the force used was not unrelated to the fact that they are Haitian, but the police say that is not the case and the situation arose because "the family got involved and tried to intervene and tried to resist the officers."

Sheesh! I bet it was cracking good fun to watch, but it all seems a bit dramatic over a pair of baggy pants.

Palm Beach Post

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:48 AM | Permalink

A 29-year-old Wenatchee man was charged with first-degree negligent driving after telling police that a pterodactyl caused him to drive his car into a light pole. . A breathalyser test showed only a minimal amount of alcohol.

According to witness reports, the man drifted from the northbound lane into the southbound lane, causing oncoming traffic to stop, before crashing into the light pole. When questioned about the cause of the accident, the man gave a one word answer - "pterodactyl."

I can only think that he had some kind of speech impediment and have spent hours trying to come up with something that sounds like pterodactyl - all to no avail. Perhaps he has a friend called Terry Dactil or, just maybe, Jurassic Park was a warning to us all.

HeraldNet

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:41 AM | Permalink

Perhaps little yappy dogs aren't so bad after all. In a tale worthy of Lassie, Tink, a Chihuahua/Pomeranian cross, chased and cornered a suspected car thief and then waited for the police helicopter to arrive. The suspect was arrested on suspicion of public intoxication and resisting arrest

"The Chihuahua gave him up," said California Highway Patrol officer Jeff Herbert.

Nah - 'fraid I can't bring myself to like the little rats. I mean, they're not real dogs are they!

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:52 AM | Permalink

A woman in a Charleston suburb was charged with battery on a police officer after the officer said she wiped her nose on the back of his shirt.

Cpl. Elliott had arrested the 36-year-old woman after seeing her slap a man, bite him on the elbow and spit in his face. As he led her into the police station for booking on a charge of domestic battery, Elliott says that the woman wiped her nose on him.

Battery on a police officer is defined as intentionally making physical contact of an insulting or provoking nature with an officer - yep, wiping your nose on him would do it. Unless, of course, it's all a tissue of lies.

Comcast.net

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:53 AM | Permalink

If you're DUI, don't park your car in the police parking lot!

llya Kovarik was charged with DUI after police said they found him intoxicated in his car -- while it was parked in the police department parking lot.

The sergeant, not recognizing the car or its driver, walked up to the guy and asked, "Who are you and what are you doing here?" To cut a long story short - the guy was drunk, got the munchies, and chose to park up in the police parking lot to eat and "for some peace and quiet."

Kovarik failed a field sobriety test and was taken into custody, from which he was released on $1,000 bond. A court hearing has been scheduled for January 30.

Daily Herald

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:00 AM | Permalink

An Eagle County man faces a whole work box full of charges after he accidentally shot himself with a nail gun; he was allegedly demonstrating how he was going to kill his companion.

Jose Sosa Vasquez, 28, faces charges of attempted murder, domestic violence, felony menacing, false imprisonment and wire-tapping after shooting himself with a nail gun. The woman, who would have been next in the line of fire if there had been any nails left, used sign language to communicate with the police - this after having dialed 911?

Vasquez was admitted to hospital with round the clock supervision until he can be transported to a detention facility, where details of the charges will be hammered out and pinned so tight to the guy that he can't break free. Yeah - they're really going to screw him with this one.

Denver Post

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:20 AM | Permalink

In Chicago the driver of a minivan interrupted a local TV newscast, while it was on the air, when he crashed into the glass-walled studio. He was charged on Christmas Eve with reckless driving. According to his sister, Gerald Richardson, who is 25 years old, suffers from mental problems.

Gives a whole new meaning to 'breaking news.'

Reuters

YouTube

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:46 AM | Permalink

Yesterday we heard that Santa has a multiple personality and yells ho f*****g ho as he rampages through New Zealand cinemas; today though, the news is far, far worse: I'm afraid I have to tell you that Santa is, in fact, a cross-dresser and celebrity-chaser. How else could you explain the fact that he turned up at Grauman's Chinese Theater in Hollywood dressed thus:

a red Santa hat, a blond wig, red lace camisole, purple G-string, black leg warmers and black shoes

Okay, his blood alcohol was just above the legal limit, but that's to be expected with all those glasses of sherry and the boozy mince pies he has to eat on Christmas Eve. He didn't get the Mel Gibson treatment either, he had to sober up and find his own reindeer, said Deputy Chief Ken Garner.

Los Angeles Times

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:41 AM | Permalink

Police tasered a man after he refused to stop urinating on a shop window.

The 24-year-old was observed to be relieving himself on a shop window at about 4.30am and the police directed him to stop. When he refused, he was arrested, when he allegedly became violent.

Capsicum spray was deployed but had no effect so a taser was used to subdue him. The man is to appear in court on January 18 charged with public nuisance and obstructing police.

However dumb this guy might be, you have to admire somebody who can carry on peeing while being sprayed with Capsicum!

couriermail.com.au

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:49 AM | Permalink

A 51 year old man has been arrested after driving a vehicle through the garage door of a vacant house - he was naked at the time.

The police report states that he ran a stop-sign at a T-intersection, sending his vehicle up a driveway and through a garage door of a home. Not content with driving into the garage door, following the crash the naked man took a walk around the house. Police eventually found him in the backyard and took him to hospital for treatment.

After being released from the hospital, the man was booked on charges of criminal trespass, indecent exposure and DUI.

Happy holidays everybody!!

az.central.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:37 AM | Permalink

In New Zealand, a gang of drunken Santas caused chaos in a cinema at the weekend, barging customers, damaging property and swearing. At least 50 of them entered through the main door, kicking things over, ripping down posters and smashing everything in sight. They shouted Ho f****ng Ho as they made their way through the foyer, eventually leaving the building from one of the cinemas, thereby triggering a fire alarm.

The cinema manager is quoted as asking "How often do a bunch of Santas just go and wreak havoc?"

Well the answer to that one is obvious - not very often, after all Santa knows better than anybody that the badly behaved get a sack of coal instead of presents.

Pretty stupid getting that drunk just before his biggest night of the year too.

Stuff.co.nz

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:53 AM | Permalink

A former funeral home owner has been charged with fraud for allegedly giving families cremated ashes that were not the remains of their loved ones,

The truth came to light when, having been shut down for operating without a license, the funeral home passed on 56 urns of cremated human remains to another funeral home. The ashes were labeled as unclaimed but when police contacted the families linked to the remains, it was discovered that they had already received and buried ashes - but obviously not those of their loved ones. Didn't they check to see if they recognized them, then?

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:47 AM | Permalink

Well, the 33 year old woman who sat on his lap in Danbury Mall certainly did!

Sandrama Lamy, 33, of Danbury, was charged with sexual assault and breach of peace, and was released on a promise to appear in court on Jan. 3. The police had no difficulty in finding the woman Santa described to them - she was on crutches.

Santa, aged 65, was embarrassed by the whole episode. Probably worried about what Mrs Clause will have to say about it too; he only comes once a year, so she can't afford to share him.

Comcast.net. News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:42 AM | Permalink

A man suspected of stealing from Dunkin’ Donuts left behind a trail of footprints in the snow for police to follow.

The night manager was cleaning the donut shop in the early hours of the morning when a robber, decked out in a black woolen ski mask, walked into the store. Holding a handgun, he demanded money and the night manager
emptied the register. The thief got away with $70. Fortunately for the police, our hapless felon left footprints in the snow, which eventually turned into bike tracks. The police diligently followed the trail, which led to the 51 year old suspect.

Course, if all that tracking left the cops feeling a little peckish, the could always follow the trail back again. The moral of the story is - if you're gonna rob a Dunkin Donuts, only do it in the summer.

Wicked Local Cambridge

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:56 AM | Permalink

It wasn't such a happy Thanksgiving for Mr Nicholson of Jackson County; mind you, he'll probably watch his mouth in future! Having called his wife by an unidentified rude name, she threw a potato at him, which hit him on the nose and knocked him unconscious.

She told deputies that she didn't mean to hit her husband and called police as soon as he fell unconscious. The man told deputies he did not want to press charges, consequently, the woman was not arrested and no charges were filed.

Well, you've heard of cauliflower ears...

Online Athens

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:58 AM | Permalink

Eunice Lopez of South Florida has been charged with bigamy. Now when I went to school, bi meant two and, as Lopez has been accused of marrying ten men, surely she should be charged with polygamy?

Maybe I'm just being pedantic.

Lopez married all ten men between 2002 and 2006; it wasn't marriage she was hooked on though, it was money. Allegedly, she charged her husbands an unspecified amount to help them secure immigration status, continuing to extort money from them long after the wedding, and threatening to expose them if they didn't pay.

Maybe she's not so stupid after all - I mean, she has found a way to make marriage a profitable exercise, which is more than most of us do.

Beaumont Enterprise.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:57 AM | Permalink

In Southern India, police are hunting for two men who attacked a Hindu holy man, cut off his right leg and then made off with it. The leg supposedly has healing powers and its original owner is now recovering from his ordeal in hospital.

Local people believed that by touching the leg they could be healed of spiritual and physical problems.

The leg's owner has "the problem of the drinking" and the the thieves plied the old man with alcohol until he became unconscious, when they severed the leg at the knee. Serves 'em right if the magic is above the knee only and all they get for their efforts is a severe case of athlete's foot.

Let's hope police go out on a limb to solve this crime.

BBC

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 11:38 AM | Permalink

Twenty-seven year old Jorey Lee Brewis, who goes under the name of Rebekah Katherine, has filed a civil-rights lawsuit in Portland. He claims that Director, Max Williams, and 16 other state prison officials ignored what he refers to as his severe case of gender-identity disorder.

Brewis was so troubled that, while he was in his cell, he cut out his testicles cell and mutilated them. He used his fingernails to perform the surgery.

Initially sentenced to 70 months for robbery, Brewis is now serving an extra seven years for a series of convictions while behind bars for assault, carrying a weapon and supplying contraband.

Now, no matter what you think of the transgender issue, to be able to perform such surgery, this woman musts have balls!

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:05 AM | Permalink

A man in Philadelphia was set to receive four Christmas cards from Peru, each of which contained 40grams of cocaine. .

Agents discovered the cards by using infrared scanners. Once the true contents were revealed, a police officer, pretending to be a good neighbor delivered one of the cards by hand, saying it had been dropped off at his house by mistake. Then he read him his rights.

Now he knows (nose?) that dreams of a white Christmas are not to be sniffed at.

ABC2 Netcast

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 04:24 AM | Permalink

In Maine, a fire chief has been charged with being drunk behind the wheel of his truck. Now, it seems to me that if you are going to DUI, you don't draw attention to yourself by having the lights and sirens going. Yet, that is exactly what Russell Banks of Burlington did.

He was arrested following a complaint from a local resident that the truck was being raced past his home, even though there was no fire in the vicinity.

Discovered 'smelling of alcohol and with bloodshot eyes,' Banks was found to have twice the legal limit of alcohol in his blood.

Apparently, he was blasting the siren in retaliation for a neighborhood dispute. Sort of pouring oil on troubled waters and then setting fire to it...

Boston.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 04:15 AM | Permalink

The Ottawa Citizen reports that Santa will not be responding to children's letters for a while, due to a problem with the elves - well one elf in particular.

It seems that a rogue elf, one of a band of 11,000 elves, has been writing obscene letters to children on Santa's behalf and. because of this, Santa's Canadian representative has had to shut the service down.

There's always one, isn't there.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 03:31 AM | Permalink

Tas Sinadinos worked for the Australian EDI Rail Pty Ltd and was being relocated to Sydney. Relocation to a strange city can be very unsettling and, at times, lonely, so you can understand that a guy might need to 'buy in' something for those long, lonely evenings.

Sinadinos chose to purchase company from escort agencies, which he charged to EDI via his corporate American Express Card. Together with liquor, his personal expenses came to $12,000. And Sinadinos claims this as a tax deductible expense.

EDI have sacked Sinadinos, so he has taken them to court, claiming unfair dismissal. He says that he can't see any difference between buying escort services and buying a rack on which to put food for his apartment. Well, I suppose that all depends on what he does with (or to) his escorts. If he puts food on them, no wonder the bill was so expensive, I mean, that would come under 'special requirements' surely.

Sydney Morning Herald

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:37 AM | Permalink

Michael Santos, 38, was charged Friday with theft, criminal mischief and operating a vehicle after his driving privileges had previously been forfeited for life. His crime? Stealing an airplane to try and impress his girlfriend.

Unsurprisingly, Santos was drunk when he took his girlfriend to the airport and tried to prove to her that he could fly a plane. Well, actually, he can't fly a plan because they were heading down the taxiway when flames began shooting from one of the engines. The police report said that, half a mile along the taxiway, Santos missed the curve that would have taken him to the runway. As a result of this oversight, he chopped up soybeans with the propeller before getting stuck in the field.

His girlfriends comments are not recorded. Word from the wise, Santos, there are much easier ways of impressing your girlfriend (decency prevents me from detailing them online).

Comcast.net

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:16 AM | Permalink

Kids can be so embarrassing can't they? Especially when they take your marijuana stash to the school's show and tell. Mind you, I bet the mother of the three year old boy who took 14 bags of marijuana to his day center in Queens last week was more than embarrassed - that's a bit more than would be needed for personal use, surely.

He did that other thing that kids do to embarrass you as well, you know that thing when they copy the things they hear you say at home, even the swear words. Apparently, at lunch time, the toddler started to get a bit worried about his stash, yelling "Hey, Give me my stuff back!" The report doesn't tell us at what time he got out his flick knife and started to use threatening behavior.

7online.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:43 AM | Permalink

A 63-year-old woman was arrested Sunday after sheriff's deputies said she tried to enter Walt Disney World's Magic Kingdom theme park with a loaded gun, some scissors and a knife.

Well, so long as she wasn't running with scissors in her pocket, what's the problem?

Local6.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:59 AM | Permalink

If you're pretending to be dead the last thing you do is pose for a photograph, especially one that is digitally date stamped, yet that is exactly what John Darwin did. Darwin vanished in March 2002 from his home in northeast England and last week turned up, tanned and healthy, at a police station stating that he had suffered memory loss for the past five years but thought that he might be a missing person.

In the intervening years, Darwin had been pronounced dead and his wife had built a new life on the proceeds of his life insurance.

The final wheel fell off the Darwins' wagon when a British tabloid published a photograph of Darwin with his wife that was taken in a Panama apartment last year.

Mrs Darwin is en route back to England to face the music. I suspect that before long she'll wish her husband really was dead.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:28 AM | Permalink

Actually, this criminal is not dumb at all - in fact, I am in awe of his resourcefulness.

This particular criminal is German and he is a thief, but he is a thief with style. He used a flower pot to help him steal a $221,000 Porsche.

As the 56 year old Porsche owner drove the car out of the garage he heard a scraping sound and got out to investigate. As he was bending down to remove the flower pot that was jammed up against the tire, the thief, that is, the person who had put the flower put there in the first place, pushed the legal owner aside, jumped into the gray 997 and drove off into the distance.

Hmmm...

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:16 AM | Permalink

Three men dressed as women were arrested at a Memphis McDonald's after starting a fight at the restaurant's drive-through window, then attacking the store's crew and vandalizing the property.

Oh dear, I hope they didn't break their nails.

MyFox

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:06 AM | Permalink

Craig Wilson thought he was being clever when he dumped his car and then claimed it had been stolen. He fraudulently claimed $10,282 on the back of this 'theft.'

The car might have been in gear, but his brain certainly wasn't, because he left a Mapquest Printout from his home to the cars final location, outside a Jacksonville apartment complex, inside the vehicle. So, when the apartment complex owner complained about the abandoned car, it didn't take investigator's too long to find the owner. Perhaps it didn't occur to Wilson that maps can be read backwards.

Wilson was sentenced to five years probation.

Insurance Journal

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:38 AM | Permalink

In Stockton, North East England, Michael Carney said he couldn't possible be guilty of serial flashing because his genitals were too small. He showed photographs of the offending article to prove the point. Unfortunately for him, the jury were not deceived and Michael Carney, 41, was charged with seven counts of outraging public decency. Following their verdict, the jury were told that the father-of-two was earlier found guilty of five sexual assaults.

Size, it seems, doesn't matter.

Carney was released on bail, for sentencing next year.

BBC

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:53 AM | Permalink

This paraphrase of the vintage commercial My Goodness, My Guiness seems particularly apt considering the report from Dublin, Ireland of the theft of 450 full kegs from the Guinness brewery.

Police said a lone man drove into the brewery on Wednesday and hitched his truck to a fully loaded trailer awaiting delivery to city pubs. The trailer contained 180 kegs of Guinness stout, 180 kegs of U.S. lager Budweiser and 90 kegs of Danish beer Carlsberg. (Bud and Carlsberg are brewed by Guinness under license).

The thief had obviously heard that Guinness is Good for You

Citizen-Times.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:11 AM | Permalink

Really, this should be Dumb Press but I don't have a section for that. (Note to self: might be some mileage here).

In the Press Republican, self-styled Online Community and News Source for Clinton, Essex, and Franklin Counties of Northeastern New York I see they are giving explicit details about how I can 'groom' people to fulfill my sick sexual fantasies.

Of course, the tutorial masquerades as a report concerning Sean Sweeney, aka 'Vinny,' but I can see through the facade.

You have to see it to believe it, so click on the link:

Free Tutorial - Grooming Women for Sex

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:02 AM | Permalink

Matthew St Pierre was arrested for impaired driving last Saturday. Thing is, the vehicle he was driving wasn't his; it is described as belonging to his 'close friend.' So close was this friend that St Pierre had taken the truck without asking his permission. He also seemed to think that the friend would be prepared to take the rap for him - well he must have thought that because when asked for his personal details he used his friend's name. Police were satisfied and St Pierre was released.

Chickens always come home to roost, though, and St Pierre was re-arrested at his workplace. He appeared at a bail hearing Tuesday facing several charges, including: impaired driving; impersonation with intent to gain advantage; attempting to obstruct or resist a peace officer; taking a motor vehicle without consent; driving while under suspension; and driving a motor vehicle with an open container of liquor.

Friends like that, we can do without.

London Free Press

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:21 AM | Permalink

Police in Berlin have reported that, during a German church service, thieves crept into the church and stole a 300-year-old Bible worth around $7,366. They also emptied a collection box.

They should have just emptied the collection box and used the cash to buy a new Bible, rather than make do with a fusty old one.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:46 AM | Permalink

In Russia, a mugger stole the cake from a woman's bag as she walked by, then asked her to call the police so that he could go back to prison.

It was discovered that the mugger had just completed a 12 year sentence and wanted to return to jail. He stands to get three years for stealing the cake.

The report says that motive for the theft is unclear - it's obvious, jail food was better than the woman's cooking.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:06 AM | Permalink

Alexander D. Smith, of Augusta, Georgia, has been charged with disorderly conduct and two counts of forgery after attempting to open a bank account with a fake $1 million bill. When the teller refused to open an account and called the police, the million dollar man started cursing at the bank employees.

Later, investigators learned Smith had bought several cartons of cigarettes from a nearby grocery store with a stolen check. Flushed with his success, he attempted to commit a similar crime the following day but, on this occasion, the store manager refused to accept the check.

Apparently, Smith isn't the only million dollar idiot; in Pittsburgh last month a man shopping at a grocery store tried to pass a $1 million bill to a cashier, but the employee also refused the bill and a manager confiscated the bogus bill. Just like Smith, this man also flew into a rage and was arrested.

They should have checked their history books first - the US Treasury have never issued a million dollar bill.

Aikenstandard.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:54 AM | Permalink

Diexia Wang, a student at the University of Pennsylvania has been charged with burglary, criminal trespass, harassment, and theft, after allegedly stealing underwear and purses from a number of women. There are also allegations that he stalked a woman who lived in one of the University residences.

If ever there was an apt name for a knicker nicker, Wang has to be it.

Philly.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:48 AM | Permalink

In Fond du Lac, a 36 year old man pulled a knife on another man who was unloading groceries outside his home. The knife-wielding man asked for money and attempted to punch his victim. Fortunately, somebody pulled the mugger away. Not really news is it?

But, the mugger returned later and apologized, saying that he had mistaken his victim for somebody else.

Oh, well that's okay then. Simple case of mistaken identity; no harm done.

The mugger - sorry, the would-be mugger - was held in the Fond du Lac County Jail on a tentative charge of use of a dangerous weapon.

AP

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:14 AM | Permalink

A loving Danish couple were told by police to take their passion home to bed on Monday when, perhaps in an effort to keep warm, they engaged in passionate lovemaking in a train station waiting room. It may have kept them warm but everybody else was left out in the cold, too embarrassed to enter the steamy waiting room.

Because they kept their clothes on, they were not charged with indecency. I don't know about you but I've had some of my most indecent experiences with my clothes on.

AP

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:01 AM | Permalink

An argument in a care home car park erupted when a driver wanted to park in front of the entrance but was blocked by a driver who had already parked there to drop off his mother. The contretemps continued until the second man threw a can of gravy at the first man. The man on the receiving end was not seriously injured and no charges were pressed.

If I had been on the receiving end, I'd have had the giblets of the can thrower to go with the gravy.

Four Points

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:19 AM | Permalink

Just a short one today -

The case against a convicted sex offender accused of abducting a 17-year-old girl was dismissed this week after the teen admitted she lied about her two-week disappearance. The sex offender's name? Pheuk Kue.

I need say no more.

The Sheboygan Press

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:09 AM | Permalink

"Sandy Wong gets turned on by expensive and classic cars, motorcycles and women with big feet and really likes to expose himself in public." So says journalist, TONY BLAIS, of the Edmonton Sun News. And, because I couldn't put it better myself, I haven't even tried.

Blais was writing about Mr Sandy Wong, who was seen checking out three BMW's on the company's stand at the Home and Garden Show. Having checked out the three cars, he was then spotted sitting on the roof of a 2007 BMW 328i sedan, valued at $50,000. His sweat pants were round his ankles and he had his legs dangled over the driver's door window. He was masturbating.

Wong was detained by security until police showed up and a clean-up crew had to wash down the BMW.

Maybe BMW's don't always come first after all.

Edmonton Sun News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:50 AM | Permalink

"When the light turns green, you're supposed to go and I did." Nothing wrong with that is there, I mean, we'd all do the same, wouldn't we? Read on and decide for yourself.

Seventy-five year old Paul D Keith saw nothing wrong with driving on when the lights turned green, even though there was a stationary car in front of him. "He didn't move, so I drove into the back of him," he explained.

Keith was charged with operating under the influence of alcohol, third offense, after demolishing his front-end on Fountain Street, then telling police the driver ahead didn't know how to play red light, green light. He sustained a minor head injury in the collision. Perhaps it drove a bit of sense into him.

Metro West Daily News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:03 AM | Permalink

When German police helped a frightened girlfriend to collect her belongings from her ex-boyfriends apartment, they got more than they bargained for. The man's dog had banned Nazi symbols shaved into its fur - namely, a swastika and the SS insignia of Hitlere's Waffen-SS troops.

Public display of Nazi symbols is illegal in Germany so, if the dog has not been out of the apartment, no law has been broken. If, however, the dog has been taken out of the apartment bearing the symbols, the man faces a three year jail term.

Maybe it's all a fuss about nothing - perhaps he'd been drinking and was just taking a Herr of the dog

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:52 AM | Permalink

Two teenagers who wanted to earn some money going door-to-door selling have been charged with marijuana possession. One of the boys also was charged driving on a suspended license and minor in possession of alcohol.

The clue was the smell of marijuana that hung around Garrett St. Cyr when he went to apply for the requisite license. Officers went outside to to talk to his companion, Joshua Kephart, after a computer check and a surveillance video showed he'd driven St. Cyr on a suspended license.

On wonders what they wanted to sell door-to-door!

AP

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:40 AM | Permalink

26-year-old Ardonas Gilbert, was running naked along the southbound lanes of Interstate 95 on Monday night, but cursed and punched those who tried to help him. He then ran into traffic, causing three separate accidents as motorists tried to avoid him. Nobody was seriously hurt, police have said.

Can you imagine how this poor boy must have felt once he sobered up? There but for the grace of God......

Santa Cruz Sentinel

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:33 AM | Permalink

Peter W. Mischler is boss in his own home, he's a real man. So, when his wife refused to bring home the beer, he shot one of the family's goats.

Yup, that's macho.

Santa Cruz Sentinel

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:29 AM | Permalink

Police in Fayetteville are looking for a a male bank robber who left behind a suspicious package when he robbed the Omni National Bank.

When last seen, he was wearing a strawberry blond wig, white pants, white sweater and was carrying a messenger style bag. Police think he may have got away on a bicycle.

I've seen the photo - somebody should tell him that strawberry blond really doesn't suit his skin tone.

The Fayetteville Observer

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:24 AM | Permalink

Actually, I had a bit of a dilemma on this one - it could have come under Dumb Justice as well! There aren't many things in life worse than a bent copper, but a crooked lawyer comes close. Especially one who feasts on churches and non-profit organizations.

Let me introduce you to Phillip Radmer. Radmer is a disbarred attorney who created phony corporations with fictitious board members in order to steal property.

Radmer created dozens of phony corporations and individuals and entered into a series of fraudulent real estate deals on 60 vacant lots - the scam netted him $655,000.

Assistant Cook County State's Atty. William Merritt called Radmer a "backward Robin Hood."

For Sale: One previous honest owner - and it wasn't Radmer.

Chicago Tribune

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:10 AM | Permalink

A Thai air force pilot has been suspended from flying duties after allegedly landing his helicopter in the countryside to collect wild mushrooms for his mother. He faces punishment for abandoning his helicopter without anyone to look after it and also for violating other rules.

Ah, what a good boy; his mom must be so proud of him! My boys don't even bring me flowers on Mothers' Day. I bet he keeps his room clean too.

TCPalm

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:22 AM | Permalink

Winnipeg police were called shortly before 6 p.m. on March 26 when a woman spotted a man breaking into her garage. The man left the garage a short time later and moved on to a neighbor's garage, where he stole a lawn mower, a mountain bike, a blanket and a stuffed toy dog. The man eventually returned to the first garage, where police found him nearly two hours later passed out inside a boat.

Crown attorney, John Peden, said, "He was lying there with his genitalia exposed next to the stuffed dog and,while the police report doesn't describe it this way, the dog might be appropriately characterized as now being anatomically correct, as opposed to its condition before he removed it."

The report doesn't tell us whether the toy dog was male or female. It is, however, definitely stuffed. A stiff penalty called for I think, whether the bitch was asking for it or not.

Winnipeg Sun

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:23 AM | Permalink

Scott Schmitz is accused of breaking into Buggy Bath Car Wash in Fond du Lac last week and stealing 5,619 quarters. That's $1,400 to you and me. He also stole $1,000 in bills from cash machines at the business. Apparently Schmitz had a grudge against the company. Okay so far, nothing dumb there. BUT

Over the following week, Schmitz, who is out of work, bought a car and was seen purchasing items using only quarters.

Now, see, that was dumb.

Gannett Wisconsin Newspapers

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:06 AM | Permalink

It was just one of those days, you know those days when things start bad and just get worse.

Darren Swanson was shot in the face by strangers and drove himself, at speed, to the local hospital. Once there, he didn't stop the car but just drove right on in to the ER, demolishing a door in the process.

His gunshot wound was treated and the twenty-one year old was noted to be in 'fair' condition. Unfortunately for our Darren, though, when police checked out his trashed car they discovered a bag of marijuana and charged the poor boy with possession.

I suspect his momma told him there'd be days like that. I suspect she warned him that drugs are bad for your health too. Always listen to momma!

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:45 AM | Permalink

One of a group of three robbers who netted $350 plus jewelery from a home in Port Jefferson has been arrested in the ER after accidentally shooting himself in the arm. A member of the hospital staff reported the man and his bullet wound to police, who reported the felon as being uncooperative and evasive. Well he would be wouldn't he - after all after a gaffe like that he wouldn't want to shoot his mouth off.

Armed but not very dangerous.

United Press

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:21 AM | Permalink

Gerald A. Rocchi flashed his chrome stapler at an employee of The Ice Cream Shop in Ashland, Kentucky, and demanded money. Employees handed over $175 cash, which was soon recovered from the robber's house, along with the stapler and a ski mask.

There was confusion over whether Rocchi intended to shoot employees with staples or use the stapler itself as a blunt instrument. and. to give him due credit, from a distance and in a dim light the stapler could have been mistaken for a gun.

I suspect he intended to shout, "Bang, Bang, you're dead," as he bombarded the employees with staples.

AP

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:26 AM | Permalink

A woman in Cyprus is on trial for sorcery after pledging to shake off a curse apparently plaguing a man's relationship with his wife and mother-in-law.

The ingredients for her spell included: an egg, a spoon, a nail, some pubic hairs and underpants. The egg was to be cracked into the underpants and worn by the accursed husband.

Surely, the wrong person is being sued. The husband should be up before the judge charged with stupidity.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 12:16 PM | Permalink

Former CIA employee, George Charles Dalmas III , liked ladies panties. He liked other stuff as well but, most of all, he liked panties. In fact, he liked them so much that between October 2005 and January 2006 he stole more than $100,000 dollars worth of jewelry as well as more than 1,000 pairs of women's undergarments.

Impressive eh? What is more impressive, at least from my point of view, is that this hoard apparently came from just seventeen homes. Is it just me, but isn't that an awful lot of knickers per home? Maybe I'm just a pauper in the pantie department.

Connection Newspapers

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 12:04 PM | Permalink

After an argument with her former husband, Ryann Jean Stafford set fire to a mounted bison's head at his home. She has been arrested on a charge of third degree arson and bond has been set at $100,000.

Oh, the satisfaction! I bet she thinks it was worth every dime - you go girl!

AP

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:04 AM | Permalink

"How can I not open the door? They have flowers, they say my husband sent them to me, and, besides, they were young kids," said 80-year-old Carmen Nieves. Ms Nieves was speaking after two bouquet-wielding young men relieved her of the $60,000 in savings her husband kept in cash in their home. Nieves went on to say that, once inside her home, they ransacked it "like a tornado."

Rather stupidly, Nieves' husband, Michael Rodriguez, had told somebody about the cache of money and believes that might have led to the robbery. Well, its not rocket science is it. If he'd banked the money he could have bought his wife some flowers with the interest.

AP

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:51 AM | Permalink

A 20-year-old man has been arrested for allegedly selling chocolate animals containing hallucinogenic mushrooms. A cooler bag in the man's truck was found to contain 74 chocolate rabbits and ducks, each containing magic mushrooms.

Dopey - it adds too many calories.

AP

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:40 AM | Permalink

A 65 year old professor from University of Massachusetts Medical School has been charged with soliciting sex. Unfortunately for the good doctor, the person he was trying to solicit sex from was an undercover police woman posing as a prostitute.

The professor, Doctor Rice, protests that its all in a day's work because he is researching sexually transmitted diseases.

He ought to research the finances of the sex industry first - I don't think $40 buys you very much these days.

Boston Herald

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 12:10 PM | Permalink

Police were called to investigate a suspicious looking man in a gas station toilet. Noticing the odor of glue around him, they asked if he had been glue-sniffing. He indignantly denied being involved in any such activity. Then he tried to throw his cigarette away - and it stuck to his fingers.

He was arrested and charged with public intoxication and glue sniffing. I don't suppose handcuffs were needed, they just got him to press his hands together.

This Is True

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 11:23 AM | Permalink

In Thailand, a hospital security guard has been jailed for the murder of at least seven fellow security guards and inflicting serious injuries on ten others. He told a a newspaper: "I hate guards who fall asleep on the job and don't perform their duty." Well, yeah, I suppose that's one way of solving the problem, after all, what security guard would be able to sleep with him on the prowl?

However, I think this killing spree might have been an attempt to satisfy a demanding woman rather than professional outrage. After our man had bopped his colleagues over the head, he stole their "candies, chocolates and mobile phones."

Maybe if he had slept on the job, he would have been able to keep his woman satisfied in other ways.

Sydney Morning Herald

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:02 AM | Permalink

A sixty-year-old German man was appealing to the court on a previous charge of indecent exposure when, during an adjournment for deliberation, he once again stripped naked.

Apparently this guy thinks of himself and his body as a living work of art. Now, if he was in his twenties I could, perhaps, see his point (pun intended) but, come on, sixty! The point of this piece of art is probably hidden under an overhanging stomach.

Despite his ambition, we will not be hanging this man on the wall and calling him Art.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:21 AM | Permalink

According to New Hampshire police, witches may be responsible for removing a body from a graveyard.

Sarah Symonds, who was buried in 1820, was removed from her grave at the Bible Hill Cemetery on Halloween night. This had led to police saying that if a body is snatched from its grave on Halloween night, some people believe that the skull will give the 'new owner' powers.

Sadly, they don't go on to elaborate what powers will be granted. However, they do go on to support their thinking by saying that "With it being Halloween night and the fact that the hole was dug so perfectly, we don't believe it was grave robbers, because the way it was done and the way the dirt was positioned."

Maybe, then, the powers that are granted are something to do with the accurate positioning of dirt or the ability to dig perfect 90 degree corners or something.

Maybe it was Harry Potter digging in search for Voldemort. Hell, maybe it was Voldemort!

Local6.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:45 AM | Permalink

In Australia, a woman has been ordered to apologize to a church after slaughtering a goat there in a mock satanic ritual. She must also apologize to the dead goat's owners. According to the woman's lawyers, when she gets drunk she makes "poor decisions."

Well, yeah, if you're gonna nick a goat and play at black magic, its a pretty poor decision to then store the goat's head in your freezer, along with a camera that contains pictures of the goats head alongside the group involved. Which is exactly what this woman did.

I kid you not.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:01 AM | Permalink

An Australian man claims that he kidnapped and raped a woman because he had been bitten by a spider. He insists that a bite inflicted by a funnel web spider caused him to contract a viral illness, which led him to kidnap and rape his victim. However, a toxicologist has said that there is no evidence that a spider's venom could be responsible for causing anger and hatred. The man was sentenced to eight years in jail.

That poor funnel web, I bet he had a nasty taste in his mouth after biting that rapist.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 03:44 AM | Permalink

In Germany, a 70 year old man is charged with secretly cutting down or shortening 122 trees in a publicly owned forest. He said that he did it so that he would have a clear view of the Baltic Sea from his holiday cottage.

This particular chainsaw massacre caused an estimated $22,000 worth of damage and the man who wielded the chainsaw is likely to be charged with damaging property and breaking conservation laws.

Personally, I'm just interested to find out where he got such a long power lead for that chainsaw.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 03:25 AM | Permalink

In Orlando, Florida, Timothy Cleary has been accused of punching and attacking somebody during a funeral service. Strangely, the man was dead and in an open casket at the time.

Following the attack, some of the congregation attacked Cleary in return, while others called 911.

A reason for the attack has not been determined but the corpse obviously asked for it.

Local6.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:20 AM | Permalink

In Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, four city police officers were suspended without pay for allowing a homicide suspect to smuggle a loaded gun into police headquarters. The gun was hidden inside her underwear.

The .25-caliber pistol was inside headquarters (and panties) for about 12 hours before suspect, Trillble El, told interrogating officers about it.

The suspect was not made to walk through a metal detector, she was not thoroughly searched by a female officer when she was brought to the station, and she was permitted to use a public restroom while a City Hall employee was inside, a violation of department policy.

El is charged with fatally shooting a 37-year-old city man in the head.

Maybe she just wanted to feel the weight of a weapon in her panties.

Newsok.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:53 AM | Permalink

Bobby Lee Bolen and Jody Lee were friends but Lee took offense when Bolen helped himself to pickles from his (Lee's) refrigerator.

Lee's comment about not being able to feed everybody was not taken well by Bolen, who stormed out in a temper. Rather unwisely, Bolen returned some time later and threw two large pickles at Lee, before assaulting him with a telephone.

Getting himself into a pickle cost Bolen 54 days in jail with credit for 54 days served and one year of probation.

Just another instance of the sweetness of friendship turning sour.

AP

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:45 AM | Permalink

As far as French artist, Rindy Sam, was concerned, she had committed an act of love. but that's not how her prosecutors saw it. They want to fine Sam $6,400 and have her take a class on good citizenship.

The recipient of Sam's passion was a an all-white painting by the American artist Cy Twombly (call me a Philistine if you must, but how is that art?) and, unfortunately, when she planted a large kiss onto the canvas she was wearing bright red lipstick. Some could argue that a splash of color livened the thing up but the owner of the piece didn't agree. Yvon Lambert wanted $2,878,000 in damages, which included the value of the painting together with the $47,000 restoration cost.

The verdict is expected on November 16.

AP

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:04 AM | Permalink

In the German city of Duisburg, police found the blackened remains of a 32-year-old man, along with a set of cable cutters and a pile of cables he had already stolen.

The body was that of a known felon, who had tried to steal a 10,000 volt carrying live copper wire. The force of the shock had blown the robber's hand clean off, before the rest of the body was incinerated. This was useful, as it allowed police to use his already logged fingerprints to identify him.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:56 AM | Permalink

In Greece last week, two thieves armed only with ketchup, waylaid a supermarket employee as he was taking cash to the bank. They apparently jumped from the bushes and threw two bagfuls of ketchup onto the car's windscreen, forcing it to stop.

The ambushed man fought his attackers off and they escaped on a motorcycle having managed to grab 400 euros. The employee had been carrying 140 euros.

With such bravery, I'm surprised he didn't try to ketchup with them.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 12:43 PM | Permalink

Passengers on a German train were alarmed when they could get no response from a fellow commuter. Deciding that the blood and gore that covered the man's face meant he had been murdered, they called the police.

A first aid team also arrived at the scene - and told the drunken Halloween reveler to remove his make up.

Those Zombies are everywhere nowadays.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 07:11 AM | Permalink

Imagine the embarrassment - you hear a lady in distress and, having buffed your armor to a worthy shine, you sally forth, sword in hand, to help her. Arriving at the source of the woman's cries, you kick down the door and, with sword extended, you enter. What you find, however, is a lonely neighbor watching a pornographic movie.

This is exactly what happened to James Van Iveren of Oconomowoc in Wisconsin. Unfortunately, our gallant hero had to contend with something more than embarrassment. First, police seized his sword, which is a family heirloom, and then they carted him off to jail.

Our blushing knight in shining armor was charged with criminal trespass while using a dangerous weapon, criminal damage to property while using a dangerous weapon and disorderly conduct while using a dangerous weapon, all criminal misdemeanors that carry a maximum total penalty of 33 months in jail.

Laughter apart, there is a serious message here: don't extend your sword and enter unless you're sure of your ground - you could end up losing your family heirlooms.

JS Online

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:32 AM | Permalink

A British Transport Policeman, who joined a dubious sounding Uniform Dating love match site, has been cleared of criminal charges, despite leaving his post on three occasions for an assignation with a woman he met through the site. During his twenty minute liaison with this woman Inspector Masood Khan kept his ear piece in situ so that he could maintain radio contact with his colleagues and be alerted to any emergency situation that might develop.

Over and out seems an apt phrase here.

News.com.au

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 02:24 PM | Permalink

Forty-three year old hitchhiker, James Wayne Evans, got a lot more than he bargained for when he was picked up by Angie.

Evans admits to stabbing Angie after she requested payment-in-kind for the ride.

The woman driver took Evans to her horse barn just outside of Wolfe City, where she asked him to perform oral sex on her. Our intrepid hitchhiker was more than happy to oblige but, as he got down to work, he discovered something that shouldn't have been there. Angie was, in fact, a man. That's when he stabbed her multiple times.

At the time of writing, Evans is incarcerated and bail has been set at $50,000.

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:11 AM | Permalink

Police are searching for a 22 year old man who got into a violent dispute with his sister when she wanted to shave the family cat. She thought that shaving would rid the cat of fleas and ticks.

The brother tried to cut the shaver cord with a knife, at which point his sister kicked him, causing the man to cut himself. He responded by choking and pushing his sister and then ran off. The sister then called 911.

I can't decide who is most dumb - the sister for thinking that shaving the cat will rid it of fleas and ticks, or the brother for thinking he could cut through a live electric wire with impunity.

The least said about shaved pussies the better.

Statewide

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:08 AM | Permalink

A former jail house officer in San Luis has been supplying female inmates with candy bars. in return for them exosing their bodies to him. On payment of a 'flash' he would also pass messages to male inmates.

He also apparently exposed himself to a female inmate. Personally, I'd rather have the candy bar - they're much nicer to look at, they taste better, and they tend to last longer.

Tenessean

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:44 AM | Permalink

When Jeffrey Stephens and his wife Patricia were recently awakened by their barking dog, Patricia went to investigate (mmmm, shouldn't it have been Jeffrey who did that?). She found a 20-year-old man going through the back seat of a neighbor's van.

Jeffrey Stephens confronted the younger man - ah, here he is, the cavalry - who claimed the van was his friend's. Our hero, Jeffrey, disbelieving of the story, sat on the burglar while Patricia went off to call the police. Jeffrey weighs in at 200lbs so the burglar couldn't move very far.

The case goes to trial this week. Jeffrey sustained minor injuries from his tussle with his young adversary and is the hero of the story. Hell, all he did was sit on the guy - anybody can do that. It took real heroism to investigate the cause of the dog's barking.

TriCities

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:27 AM | Permalink

Detectives are searching for two masked men who stole $30,000 dollars from a topless bar over the weekend. The robbers demanded that the employees put money from a safe and a desk drawer into a garbage bag.

The problem is getting a sack large enough to hold thirty thousand dollar bills.

WNBC

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:05 AM | Permalink

A 40-minute police chase ended when the truck being pursued crashed through zoo exit gates. The truck had been taken from the owner by his teenage son and three friends. Also taken were a 12-gauge shotgun and shotgun shells. During the chase, the driver swerved toward the pursuing police cars and one of the teens in the bed of the truck threw firewood at the squad cars.

Two of the teens were caught at the zoo trying to flee on foot but the driver and another passenger successfully fled, eventually getting into a taxicab.

Now this is where the story doesn't ring true - who gets a taxicab that easily?

Overnight janitorial and animal care staff had been listening to the chase on a police scanner and couldn't believe that the truck was on zoo property because the gates were locked. Well, they've got a point, whoever heard of a truck with keys.

Milwaukee JS Online

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:46 AM | Permalink

A man claims that a severe allergic reaction to floor polish led him to shoot a love rival.

Marco Batelli was less than happy when he saw another man taking an interest in a woman he liked and he had a drunken argument with them before going home and changing his clothes. Some time later he went to the home of his rival and shot him three times in the leg. Maybe polish affects your aim as well.

In Batelli's defense, his lawyer claimed that his client's life had started to spiral out of control following his work as a floor layer in 1994 when he developed a severe allergic reaction to the chemicals he used. I think the clue was the drunken argument.

ABC News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 01:12 PM | Permalink

Hundreds of thousands of pounds worth of damage to a Sussex mansion was allegedly caused by the crew of a Ministry of Defence helicopter, a British court heard on Thursday.

The crew apparently broke low-flying rules in order to 'communicate' with a sun-bathing au pair.

The downdraft caused by the fourteen tonne Merlin as it hovered at less than 500 feet caused extensive damage to a conservatory. Barry and Anna George, owners of the mansion and employers of the au pair, are claiming £250,000 in damages for what Judge Jonathan Foster, QC, described as an "alleged frolic."

These people obviously don't realize how difficult it is to find reliable au pairs nowadays.

The Times

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:44 AM | Permalink

A burglar caught red-handed was made to clean up his mess at gun point.

Adrian and Tiffany McKinnon returned home after a week away to find that their home had been burgled and that piles of trash had been left behind. As Mr McKinnon surveyed the mess, a man walked through the back door straight into him. McKinnon held the suspect, 33-year-old Tajuan Bullock, at gunpoint and told him to sit on the floor until he decided what to do. He then ordered him to clean up the mess he had made and held Bullock at gunpoint while he did so.

When police arrived, the burglar complained to them that he had been made to clean the house at gunpoint. I see his point, they could at least have given him a meal first and let him sleep awhile. Moving all that family's stuff must have been dreadfully tiring.

AP

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:15 AM | Permalink

A motorist in Austria, finding that he was too drunk to change one of his car tires, called one of the emergency numbers stored on his phone, thinking it was the breakdown service. Sadly, his vision must have been a little blurry because he phoned the police emergency number instead.

A police spokesman said, "On the phone it was clear he was highly intoxicated and we sent over a patrol car. He doesn't need his vehicle now because we took his license."

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:32 AM | Permalink

When police stormed the home of Jose Luis Calva in Mexico City last week they found the table set for dinner, complete with a plate of fried human flesh.

They also found his unfinished manuscript, Cannibal Instincts, along with the mutilated body of, Alejandra Galeana. Calva admitted that he had killed Galeana following an argument but said that he had removed an arm and a leg so that he could dispose of the body piecemeal. Calva is suspected of committing two similar crimes. An ex girlfriend revealed that Calva "was a jealous, possessive lover who believed in witchcraft and practiced rituals, including hammering a cow's tongue to a board." She doesn't specify whether or not a cow was attached to the tongue at the time.

Calva is suspected of committing two similar crimes but he denies anything to do with them. Probably doesn't like bringing up old girlfriends.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 12:46 PM | Permalink

Animal control officer, Christy Champagne, was dragged for almost two miles while hanging onto the car hood of Larry Henderson. Henderson obviously didn't want to pay the $85 charge when picking up his straying dog from the pound and, in an attempt to avoid having to part with his cash, got in his car and attempted to drive away.

Champagne tried to stop him by hanging onto the bonnet. Apparently, Henderson occasionally drove at speed and and sometimes swerved in his efforts to shake her off but she hung on with, erm, dogged determination. The car was eventually brought to a halt by police and Henderson was charged with reckless conduct and simple battery.

I suspect by that by the end of her journey Champagne was pink, stirred, and definitely shaken. A feisty little number.

CBS

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:20 AM | Permalink

In Monterrey this week, a priest was briefly jailed for punching a policemen. The cleric had been caught driving drunkenly through the streets of the city. He was reportedly clutching a prayer book at the time of his arrest and became very violent when he realized that his car was to be towed away.

I don't know why this is newsworthy, after all, clerical errors happen all the time.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:29 AM | Permalink

A 19-year-old Lodi man who accidentally shot his friend in the face has been arraigned on charges including gross negligent discharge of a weapon. He was jailed without bail. It would be too easy to get cheap laughs by comparing this case to that of the Cheyney shooting earlier on this year, although I would like to say that, given the choice, I would rather go hunting with Dick Cheyney than be driven over a bridge by Ted Kennedy.

Let us look instead at the comments of the nineteen year old victim's step-father, who has been reported as saying that his step-son Joshua House, will still need more surgery, has some motor-sensory problems that make him fall and drop things, and is getting tired of eating soup.

Now ain't that just the thing about nineteen-year-olds - always finding something to complain about.

Lodi News Sentinel

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:03 AM | Permalink