YOU COULD HAVE HAD SOMEBODY'S EYE OUT WITH THAT!!
When police responded to calls about a 'one-car crash' on Saturday a guy with no shirt and his pants unzipped was running away from the scene; when police caught up with the man, Matthew Justin Clark, they found he was drunk. On returning to the vehicle, police then questioned Katie Ann Stewart, who said she had been the driver of the vehicle - despite the fact that witnesses had clearly seen Clark behind the wheel.
The couple were taken to the police station, where the penalties for DUI were explained to Stewart - who immediately changed her story. She told officers that she had been performing oral sex on Clark at the time of the crash. Rather belatedly, she was instructed by Clark to shut her mouth.
Strangely - the two were put into a cell together, where Clark was repeatedly heard to try to talk Stewart into taking the blame.
Oh, and when officers searched Clark, they found a Viagra pill in his pocket! If he'd already taken one, that would account for those unzipped pants. It'll take forever to go down!
All together now - fellatios a jolly good fellow!