Yesterday we heard that Santa has a multiple personality and yells ho f*****g ho as he rampages through New Zealand cinemas; today though, the news is far, far worse: I'm afraid I have to tell you that Santa is, in fact, a cross-dresser and celebrity-chaser. How else could you explain the fact that he turned up at Grauman's Chinese Theater in Hollywood dressed thus:

a red Santa hat, a blond wig, red lace camisole, purple G-string, black leg warmers and black shoes

Okay, his blood alcohol was just above the legal limit, but that's to be expected with all those glasses of sherry and the boozy mince pies he has to eat on Christmas Eve. He didn't get the Mel Gibson treatment either, he had to sober up and find his own reindeer, said Deputy Chief Ken Garner.

Los Angeles Times